to the soft-hearted

i was tlkin to a friend about something, relating myself to a situation & asking her if she would do the same if she was in the situation faced by A. What she said next was:

"that's what sets u apart from us....u're very soft hearted"

Ok, maybe i sort of knew this already. But at that point she said it, it felt as though i was hit on the head. Something jolted me & woke me up. After all this time, i guess it's useful to be reminded of that....

I think that's the factor which makes me get 'stepped on' in love...

...or that ppl sometimes take advantage of me with watever intentions they may have.

That's the reason why i get hurt so easily....

...or that i feel sensitive over things relating to the heart.

Maybe that explains why my tear ducts are extra sensitive too.

Listening to a sad song, watching some touchy romance movie, getting support from ppl at times when i need it, reminiscing the times with him, friends' farewells...even a surprise by friends could trigger my tear ducts. Which reminds me of one embarrassing incident which happened at gurney a few years back where 2 of my good friends surprised me on my birthday.. altho it being a belated one. I'll never forget that so-called episode. lol. I had to hide at some corner & waited till i got 'control' of my sensitivity. -_- Not to mention the rest of the surprises i've come across. So ppl, now you know. If you ever wanna surprise me, DON'T DO IT IN PUBLIC!!!

Meh.

I'll never be a BITCH (beauty in total control of herself) although i actually tried so hard to be one before. I need to harden up my heart! Even if a little.....

It's so silly. He knows i'm soft-hearted. & he takes advantage whenever he can. I'm stupid as well. For allowing him that sense of power. Why? I just can't help myself.

I need tough-heart lessons!

PS. if you're wondering, the previous post is not related to me at all. I mean, it is related to me in a third party link kinda way. ok. i dont make sense. nvm. all i'm trying to say is, it isn't about love on my side. still don't make sense. forget it.

......

stupid

blog

i hate the feeling of being used.

doesnt let me

create

but i can't do anything about it.

spaces

annoying

!!!

..............................................love is so messy & complicated. sometimes i wonder how it could be the most beautiful thing at the same time......

grr

grr

grrrr

hah.

I'M

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i shall create spaces

MANUALLY

Not wanting to be mean or smug, but i can't help myself hey. I just HAVE to say this:

-_-

meh

You just 'suffered' a loss!

It's totally your loss.

Ok, now time to truely go fishing. But since I'm so impatient, i dont think fishing is the right activity for me. I prefer something with more action like tennis or pool or dancing or basketball or...ok. getting outta topic. But yeh. Fishing is such a no-no. It's boring. I'll get impatient. I need something other than sitting & waitin for the fish to bite the bait. I need something else..... I wonder what that is. Maybe it should be hunting. Mmmmm.......

Let's go hunting, girls~!!! =D

* only 'special' ppl know what i mean by this entry, but doesnt mean those who're trying to make out the hidden meaning of this 'creative' entry arent special =P You could ask me what it means if you really are a busy-body.... lalalaa......... =)

here we go

again

Contradiction.

I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one who's in your arms
Who holds you tight...
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you.........


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


.........at the same time i don't wanna be with you......

just cos you're not worth it...

so then, why do i still wanna be with you!?

decisions, decisions.............

such a bad decision maker ---> me

At the end of the day, i'll end up at the same point: wanting to be with you yet not wanting to at the same time.

what 'joy'.

sigh.

WOooooSAaaaA...........

I hate it everytime i stress......................!!!!

It's SO hard to get myself together....everything just seems like it's falling apart!

I used to be a "stressor" back home everytime nearing the exams or when there'd be assignments due etc...but the stress levels have gotten SO much worse over here to the point of breaking down. Prolly cos parents aren't around to manage things & you gotta manage everything on your own! Laundry, food, trasportation (walking takes up time you know!) & their mere presence which would somehow calm things down a bit??? You don't stress as much when you're around ppl than when you're by yourself!

Aaahhhhhh......!!

Ok, ok. No point stressing. It'll mess up my hormones & just make me more sick than I am right now. But why cant I not stress.. or rather, HOW do i not stress!? *sniff*

This is insane stressing. I should take one step at a time, one day at a time & not look to the future..............

Who cares if exam starts on the 3rd of november & that the syllabus for all 4 subjects only finishes 2 weeks before exam (ridiculous aint it!?)..& that there'd be only one study week right after that?!

HOW CAN I NOT CARE????????????

*faint*

On the brighter side, at least i finish early & can even go back right after the paper if i want to on the 10th...

Sucha waste tho. I wanted to celebrate my birthday here!! But it seems exam ends earlier than anticipated. If i stayed back to celebrate my birthday, most of them would have already gone back, seemingly as we're all doing the same course (& everyone would wanna rush home as soon as they can) & I would be staying back another 6 'wasted' days...As for the rest, they'd be having their exams during that period so...................hmm...no point staying back....???

AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh...I just cant wait to go homeeeeee!! AFter alll the stress & 'hardship' of living on my own.. I need to be pampered!!! With good (expensive) food...a nice, clean & cosy home with my own beloved room i didnt think i'd miss....my friendss...gurney!!! & GSC...the car!!!!!!............& the club! Gosh. Need to go swimming/gym everyday & burn off everything i piled on over here the 2-3months i'm back! It's not impossible!!

YAY! I can't wait to go back now.....!!!!

BRING IT ON, EXAMS! I'LL FACE YOU HEAD-ON!!

wooohooo!

If only i'll continue to feel this optimistic tomoro onwards til i'm done with the papers.....

SLIM CHANCE!

Thank You God for Everything!!

From TWO dilemmas........


to ZERO dilemma.


......in just a little more than 2 hours.


I feel so free!!!!


& so relieved....


....& so grateful for everything.


*sigh in contentment*

blessings.....that lead to a dilemma??

My group of friends has grown in sem 2 compared to sem 1 & i reeeally really can't thank god enough for answering my prayers & letting me meet really awesome people I can really 'connect' with.

The problem now isss....

How do you split yourself into 3 pieces (or more) according to different groups of friends...??? Things would be wayy easier if i could just merge them all??? That way all of us would be mutual friends & the entire group would hang out altogether & there wouldnt be any hassle & everyone would be in "harmony". But things in life don't just happen so easily, do they??? I wish they did.....

Merging everyone together is possible, but would everyone click with one another?? That's the reason why I have different groups of friends in uni itself cos people just have different personalities, different preferences, tastes, differerent things in common!! At the end of the day, the merged group (IF all were to be merged) would somehow just stick to the people which have got similar tastes as they do..& the group would go back to square one, all split accordingly. Am i right??!! Oh gosh.

FRUSTRATED

I LOVE MY FRIENDSssssssssssssss...!!!!

I really do. Friends are like the most important ppl besides family...Ppl who know me well would know how i cherish my friends.

If i could split myself, things would be fine!

Why do i feel guilty?! It feels as if i'm not spending enough time with one group of friends than the other or another....argh!! Is it me, or is it them...? I am so cluelesss..!! I seem to not know what is happening with group A these days. Prolly cos it's partially my fault since i'm just soo lazy to chat on msn these days unless ppl click on me. yeh yeh *roll eyes* i admit i've become one of those ppl i couldnt really stand (cos you gotta always click on them before they actually tlk to you). lol.

Neway yeh. My concept in things now is that I'll hang out with whomever asks me out first. Group B has things going on most of the time, so i've been hanging out with group B often these days, but that doesnt mean i've neglected group A. Cos i know i havent. BUt i dont know why i get this feeling that they think i've neglected them or something =\ oh gosh. help meeeeee...!! I mean, i'm tryinggg... I'm trying to split my time, so i can accommodate them all & not seem like the bad person..like i'm choosing group B or C over group A, or that i'm choosing group A over group C...whatever it is!!!

EE LIN, PRAS...whoemverrrrrrrrrrrr..Am i doing the right thing?? Gosh, please tell me, cos i really dont know if this tactic is the right thing to do... *sob*

This has no relevance whatsoever, but after anthony's death, i feel like i've become so emo, a lil thing which happens just triggers my emotions & makes me depressed, or stressed or frustrated so easily. I hate feeling this way... But how do you keep everyone close to you when you have to manage a few groups at once..?

I really do not know...

I think i'll just go with the flow...

Yep, that's what i'll do.

I just don't want any miscommunications or misunderstandings that i always choose one group over the other group.

Yes??




..................









CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!