AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I am THIS () close to freedom....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, although not complete freedom like how it feels like after exam, but still!!!!! Even if for a week! I could use that relaxation!!

GOSH.

This week was utterly, totally insane!!! I found out all about my workload only last friday and almost got a heart attack . I had exactly ONE week to finish everything off.

I had:

• one quiz due this week,
• one mid-term exam due this week, and
• one law assignment due this week

Both the quiz and mid-term test were Business Finance (it's an online test but we get a week to do them both, meaning could print off the test and do it offline). The quiz was due today but luckily i managed to finish it off earlier. I started working like crazy the next day (saturday) onwards. Managed to get the quiz done by sunday. On Monday, i started on my law assignment.

AH. which reminds me, the law assignment is actually due NEXT WEEK. But because of late notice by the *eeeee!!!* lecturer, i have to hand up my assignment tomorrow because i'm off for holiday on monday to ayers rock & alice springs! WOOHOOO!! Mid-term break starts this monday onwards for 2 weeks.

So yeh. I guess that was my major heart attack cos the due date for law was when I was away & i was sooo afraid i couldnt finish everything by tomorrow!!

But seriously, it felt like I only got out of my chair whenever i had to go to uni, when it was time to eat lunch or dinner or to take a shower. The rest of the days in this week prior to today, my ass has been glued to a chair any free minute i had.

Sigh.

TORTURE!!!!

3 hours straight of doing work twice a day, 4 days in a row is really really REALLY tiring.

I am SOOO glad and thankful my law assignment has just been printed out and all i need to do is to submit it into the assignment box tomorrow. Now, all that's left is my midterm BF test which is due tomorrow & which i've completed more than halfway and am gonna complete the rest of it tomorrow.

So, by tomorrow arvo hopefully by lunchtime, i'll be FREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can't wait!!!!

forces of nature

Nature goes against me.

For as long as I can rmb.

The things I want, I can't have. The things I don't want, I actually can have.

What is this?!

It's just like how everytime we say, "When you choose to do this, it always doesnt work out. When you choose to not do this, it'll be the opposite"

I guess it happens to everyone.

Today after doin some grocery shopping, ee lin & i were headin back to the tram platform when we saw the 99C bus (which goes directly to our apmt) a few feet away. We were torn in between for a split sec, trying to decide whether we should take the bus or to just take the tram (have to walk a bit back to the apmt). In the end, we thought if we made a run for it, the bus might drive off while we were halfway there, so decided to stick to taking the tram.

Who would have known the bus was gonna be there for quite some time!?

Quite many ppl were gettin down the bus that if we had made the decision to take the bus in the first place, we would've made it. We were wondering if we still had time to make a dash for it since the bus was still there...! So ok, we started walkin towards the bus when the bus driver changed signals & we knew there was no time anymore since he was already driving off.

Meh.

Had to turn back and walk back to the tram platform.

So all i'm trying to say is that things always go against us. Well, most of the time anyway.

It's just one of those things in life i always wondered about.

..............

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND....!!!!!

yeh, i'm tryina find the brightest colour to go with that news but lime green (or so i think) is the 'brightest' i can come up with.

It's ok. I'm fine.

As fine as can be.

Reviewing the comments of others' can really help. I took them all down and saved them in my 'notes' section in my phone (just in case) when i was at that point of total helplessness & loss of control end of last year. And i guess i just need to get those comments into my head. Esp when they're ALL negative ones coming from different ppl...who would've thought it'd be so hard for me?! but it was. All fault goes to my soft heart & living most of my life with him haunting my memory.

But yeh. Now that i've got the confirmation, i can totally move on with my life. Which is a good thing.

Congratulations to you (altho deep down somewhere inside, the green-eyed monster is there lurking for some reason i do not know of)

oooookayy....!

It seems like something is occupying my mind MORE than I thought it would!!!

How come I always tend to become like this??!

Sooo..........amusing in a way, frustrating in another way, weird in some other ways, intriguing in a small way......

I AM WEIRD~!

Ok, time to sleep.

the big red question mark

There's ALWAYS a point in life when you just dont know what you want.

Whether it's to

study course A or B,
take up job A or B,
eat at place A or B,
get guy A or B,
watch movie A or B,
wear clothes A or B,
buy thing A or B,

and the list goes on and on and on.

There are so many DECISIONS to make in life that sometimes i wonder WHY we have to make them. Ok, maybe we havta make them to get one step further in life; and maybe life wouldn't be so boring since we all get to make our own decisions rather than have a list of rules/decisions set out for us to follow. Great. I could answer my own question...

STILL, sometimes i wonder WHY we have to make them!!!

Decision-making is so bloody annoying sometimes esp if it befalls a poor decision-maker. A decision-maker with the name Jennifer. Have you heard of that tale before about how she was one of the worst decision-makers in the entire blue-green globe?? I'm sure you've heard the story before, somehow. Well, im not sure how the ending to that tale goes, but i really hope Jennifer would improve on her decision-making skills & find her way home. Otherwise, decision-making monsters would gobble her up as they can smell poor decision-makers from afar & hunger for themmmm. GRRRRrrrrr.

Ok. Lame story. Moving on.

I'm glad to say tho, i've already gone thru most of the stuff i've listed on that list. Even if it means having to go thru them again, once in a while, the lil, lil stuff like eating at place A or B, I am SO glad the major things have passed. The big headache like taking course A or B etc. But i know there'll be more major decisions to come... Well if i didnt have one right now, I wouldnt have started on this entry in the first place, right?

this is it.

Ok yes, i know i'm supposed to be at the state library finishing off my tute work right now but i just had to let this nagging feeling off my chest.

It's been a long day.

......or shall i say a looong night.

Something totally unexpected happened. And i wasn't exactly bracing myself for this before. So it hit me quite hard. It was a blow. Well......sort of.

We got into talkin last night, talks we hadnt had for a while. The funny thing was, he didn't mention ANYTHING close to what i found out..even though i was askin him questions regarding that topic.

The topic: our love lives

All the while, i thought he didnt have any. Hence, when i asked him about it and i got negative responses i just didnt really bother and started tellin him about my love life.

And yeh. As usual, when it comes to liking a guy, i always get confused. Sometimes im very sure i like this or that guy, but usually the 'very sure' doesnt work out after a while. Neway that's besides the point. My point is.. it is just totally difficult to really like someone. I either like someone half-heartedly & get so confused over it, or i like someone whole-heartedly but can never get them. The latter i'm always frustrated about. Maybe i'm jinxed.

Now, straight to the point. I like this guy. But he's under the category of the "half-hearted". I was tellin him everythin & once i was done, i guess he saw it as an exchange of stories & that's how i found out about this mutual feeling thingy that's gone on with a girl. SO he's one step closer to having a gf. I, on the other hand, am ten miles closer to having a bf.

I guess, it's not such a biggie. Since i actually DO like someone now (but somehow, i know it's not gonna work out..precisely because of me). But the thought that i'm gonna lose him forever and for real now to another girl...that thought left me distraught last night. I dont know why. I always thought i didnt care anymore, that i was over him & all (that's when i wonder if i've been lying to myself). But somehow, when these things happen, this weird feeling comes back. Maybe im too used to havin him around, or maybe i'm just selfish & jealous that he's getting it all before me when i'm the one who had to go thru way more than he did (meaning to say he doesn't deserve it). Yeh, i'd prolly say it's being selfish & jealous.

I was distraught cos i was thinking all sorts of things like how much he'd love her if they eventually got together. Whether he'd stop smoking for her or do more things for her than he ever did for me. gosh. ok. I should stop all this cos watever it is, i'm still at the losing end. So no point talkin about this & then gettin all emo about it.

*deep breath*

Watever it is, i guess this is a chance for me to really move on. Knowing that he's gonna be taken so i wont be 'clinging' on with the fairytale hope of being together again. (i think my life revolves around too much drama, that's why it's so difficult??) But yeh, this is it. Time to really really really move on. I wonder how many times i've said that before. lol. But i know deep down, one day i will. I'll find someone better and i can kiss that *** goodbye. A real goodbye. And at that time in future, he's gonna have to return me that little piece of my heart he still has with him right now.

Oh what am i crapping about?

I'm supposed to be doing tute work!!!

But yeh. Now i know what this quote means: 'Love is loving when you're hurting'. I saw it on a friend's personal message a while ago & it totally caught my eye.

...wow.

[Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. You are a very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It's also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.]

I have to say, this is pretty damn accurate!!!! I was bored, so as usual, i googled the word 'bored' and surfed my way thru interesting things till i came across this thing about where you had to draw a house. I'm sure some of you have done it before.

So then, i decided to draw my house and then answered the questions based on my drawing....and ta-daaa. I got the results. How amazing actually. I wonder who came up with this....it's really accurate. Well, maybe except the part which goes "You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people". lol. This one, i really dont know. You need a leader in you to be able to do this.

Ah well, why dont you try it out and see if it's accurate for you or that about the same things will be said bout you as it did for me!?

here's the link:
http://www.drawahouse.com/

ENJOY!