Life is short and unpredictable.....

*sigh*...i don't even know how to begin.. Everything still seems as though it's a lie..but if it was really a lie.......i wouldnt be crying my eyes out.........

I was checking my mail and there was one with the subject "prayer for anthony". I knew it wasnt good, but what i had in mind was that he had some kinda illness or is admitted into hospital due to something...Clicked on the link to open the mail, feeling sorta worried with what was wrong with him......

I was TOTALLY not prepared for what the whole thing was all about...

Read the first sentence....and........i felt my heart break and plummet to my stomach...It was so sudden, i wasn't prepared, i never knew such a thing could happen to somebody i knew and was so close to, somebody i used to share part of my life with. I was too shocked to cry, I kept reading the sentence over and over again till it made sense and then the tears flowed... It couldnt be trueee............................!!!!!!!

.....but i guess i can't lie to myself and believe he's still living in this world when he's passed away.................

sigh. What is god's plan exactly......??? He's just 30..a whole life ahead of him and .. i dont even know how/what happened!! Knocked down by a car accident? What, was he in the car? Or crossing the road when some stupid driver knocked him??! Whose fault was it?!!

OMG!! It feels so unreal!! How could he be......... ='( I find it so hard to believe......................... I keep thinking i'd meet up with him one day..which is what i've always wondered...when we'd ever meet up...It looks like we'll never meet again............

Anthony used to be the bass guitarist in Young Praisers, the church band i'm in...we used to have loads of fun, he was always the crazy guy, cracking lots of stupid jokes..although he was the eldest among all, he acted our age...He was always there..a good listener and advisor...I loved him. Everybody did....He had to stop playing for YP cos he had to move to KL to work and I never got to see him every weekend anymore at church.....We'd always keep in touch on the phone, he'd call now and then and we'd chat for an hour on the phone, talking about nonsense, but he'd always make me hang up with a big stupid smile on my face. I would always be wondering when he'd hav a business trip down to penang or a leave or whatever from work....he hardly goes down to penang ever since he moved to KL due to being SO busy at work...We only met up once when he went down to penang and that was like....2005??! Didn't see him ever since......never gonna be able to see him anymore. Why, why....why does this have to happen....I don't understand.........=(

I can't accept this.......!!!!!!! The last conversation we had on the phone was before I came here in january... I get fwded emails from him occasionally. I can't imagine having everything about him suddenly gone from my life. How could it?!! I never got to tell him that I think about him sometimes and miss him..although miles away... gosh. I havent seen him for soo long....!!! Why couldnt I just meet him again before he goes??

My nose is so stuffed I have to breathe thru my mouth and my eyes feel so swollen... but all this doesnt make my heart feel whole although it's said that crying makes things better.........W-H-Y... I don't think i'll ever understand why.. If only god could tell me why...

sigh.

May his soul rest in peace.......

PS. When things like this happen...(this is the first time someone so dear to me has left me.. not taking into account grandparents...those are natural deaths/deaths due to old age...but such sudden deaths.............this is the first..and i hope it's the one and only....) it really shakes me up to realise how someone next to you could just go in a blink of an eye. You dont know when at all it could happen..........

To all my friends out there...i know nothing's gonna happen to you, it better not. But if ( again, it better not..ever ever) god decides to take you away... know that you ppl mean a lot.. & i mean A LOT to me. Without you, my life would be nothing. Each one of you contributes something to make life fuller and prettier. I dont know what I'd do without you guys!! Love y'all lots......

& i think i'm going blind at this stage...