sigh.

I just watched The Notebook. Yeh i know i'm pretty outdated....but i gotta say that movie is heaps better than A Walk To Remember. Cried like shit. At least the movie has a happy ending & not a sad ending like how it was with walk to rmb.

Watching that movie triggered something inside me though....Something about the storyline brought back unpleasant memories..... Memories that left that scar.... When anything at all happens which has the slightest link to it, everything will come crashing back to me again, the past relived. So i've come to the conclusion: the scar is always gonna be there, will always be there & the mark will always be like adding salt to the wound whenever i watch/hear/sense (whatever) anything at all which has a link to my past. It'll never go away. Even if I think it's already gone away.

I'm either blind or ignorant...or maybe i just dont like to have something new unless i actually find something(someone?) i really really like, knowing how picky i am & having to match every trait of his to see if that person matches up to those things he has. Blind in the sense i cant see anyone else although there are so many more out there or it's just my stubborn heart. Ignorant in the sense that there are so many others who are interested but i just cant seem to accept them. Not even one. Maybe there's just something wrong with me.

Then there's this question i always ask myself - if i tell him/myself i'm over him, why do little "linking situations" like this still make those memories flood back as if someone was having me go thru the past again???