Sometimes i just wonder this: "who the hell are my friends!?"
Ok, maybe for the obvious ones, I can really tell. Friends from high school, friends from church, friends you've known all those years back & all that.
But really, i should rephrase my question.
WHO THE HELL ARE MY REAL, TRUE FRIENDS??!
For crying out loud. Sometimes I just dont know. This, i'm talking from a "close friend" sort of perspective. Not just some acquaintance or friend, but someone who has known to a certain degree, the details of your life. Your secrets, dreams, hopes...THAT kinda friend.
I mean, i do know who they are. It's not like im saying i dont know who my real friends are at all. I do know a number of them whom i am VERY sure are my true friends. There's somehow a mutual feeling/trust/understanding & you just know he/she will be there for you or is thinking of you even if you dont keep in touch for a while.
But other than that..........the rest of them.......uh-uh. Clueless. Friends that go all the way back, friends you thought would always be there, friends you once thought were your BEST friend.. I dont know if we're even close anymore! Even though I always had this thought that they'd always have a space for you, i find myself doubting this thought now. Cos as they meet more people & form more friendships, you tend to be forgotten. Sad fact.
Maybe I'm just wrong & i think too much or whatever. But what happens when you've done yr part in trying to keep in touch & there isnt any response from the other side? Every single time it's always you being the one to initiate a keep-in-touch email/conversation/msg - & they might or might not reply to that. But even if they do reply, they never initiate.
So then, i wonder to myself, "Do i really have such an insignificant impact in their lives that they just dont bother so much?? Am i that insignificant?!". Seriously, i wonder this allll the time. ARGH. It's HEAPS frustrating i tell you. It's like chasing after a friendship(s) wondering if they still treat you as the friend you perceive the friendship to still be. But when they cant make time for you but you find out they can make time for others - that's when it hurts.
Sigh. Maybe i shouldnt bother anymore. It's just that I'm the type who simply hangs on to the past & memories that i cant bring myself to waste all those. But since they dont bother, i shouldnt waste my effort anymore right? It's just like trying to light a match which is wet. There wont be any fire. I'd rather use this effort to be with the friends i know are REAL. GRRRRRRRRR!
These real friends i know to be real had better stay real!!! I feel like im losing my friends. & that's why the constant thought about how much impact i actually have in my friends' lives to make me be remembered/forgotten.
ahh..yakking all my feelings in a post - havent done this in a while but sure feels gooooood.
About Me
- jennifer
- Fun, sweet girl who can be wild at times (depending on who I'm with at that moment), has a sense of humour, is a loyal friend, loves doing crazy things with her besties, and thinks good, loyal friends are the most amazing gifts to cherish.
wheee...it's ME!
11 comments:
hey Jen.. yeahh sure it does feel good pouring out.. :)
talking bout friends.. i've had a few where im de 1 who initiate things to do n etc.. n in de long run, v dont really connect as good friends anymore..
but there r others as u said although u dont c them for mths or yrs, u r stil GOOD FRIENDS.. n tatz a good thing :)
ppl change as time changes.. so does friendships.. sum new ppl come in and sum leave.. yes, sad.. but hey, itz a good thing also. cz ur life gets interesting once agn getting to knw a new friend! =D
but as humans, v alwiz tend to miss things v once upon a time had.. so, glad we're human! hahaha..
ok i jz crapped a lot here. sorry exam stress.. lol
btw, found ur blog ytd! =)
oh wait!! u stil remem me rite?
hehe.. :P
JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg!!! sooooo surprised (& good) to hear from you!!! hahaha. i never expected at all my eyes literally opened wide when i saw the comment!! & you made sense, not crapping. hahaha. oh gosh! what a "reappearance". are you still in penang or somewhere near there? LOL. end of the year, georgian get together!! =D
hahha! =) im in UKM kl.. 3rd yr Dietetic.. wil b back in penang end of de yr.. so v can meet up in DEC!! yayyy!!
ohya, u can view my blog.. setting wasnt right earlier.. changed it dy..
now, v can get each other's updates.. better than wat v can c in Fb.. lol.. ;)
aww..Jen, I'm sure a lot of ppl feel the same too. Even I feel that way most of the times. But in the end, deep down in our hearts, we know that we still care for each other eventhough we don't meet up, right? Take us for example, we've been friends since the day we barely even know what algebra is. Erm..okie that might sound a lil weird. But u know what I'm trying to say right. HAHA. But look at us now,though we seldom see each other, but we still rmb each other right? RIGHTT??? HAHA. Miss the times when I used to go to ur house!!!
LOL
i used to think of this issue and it resulted in my being frustrated. but now, i try not to think of it as a negative thing. i see it as...at least we did our part n realised that things are not working out. then we can truly let go (of the friendship) and move on with ur life, knowing that there are LOADS of ppl out there for u to be (true) friends with! i used to think that it'd b a waste to throw away all the memories made together...but then again, letting go of those memories is the only way to make new ones!! how exciting is that?! i think the only reason that true friends click is that their weirdness complements each other's. LOL get my drift? i think it's easy to make loads of friends, but to have a few true ones is enough...omg, i'm babbling on n on...i hope u get i mean. lol. oh well, it's good to let out ur feelings...do not frown cause it's over but smile because it happened! ;) *hugs*
joan: hahah yes yes end of the year really really hope to meet you..! & i'll add yr link. till dec..!
cl: i know!!! gosh. when i first saw yr appearance on my blog i was like..whoaa all these used-to-be close but also long-lost friends! LOL. i practically sat & reminisced for a while all those years back since primary! aaa. you & joan made me realise i have so much keeping in touch to do!! shiiit. "forgot" all the old friends down memory lane. havta make an effort to meet up end yr ok?! lol. til then!
eelin: haha yaa. i wish i could also apply what you said with the 'letting go of memories to make new ones' with you-know-who! hahaha. o well. with friends it's easier to let go but i tend to get 'beh shiok' with them. LOL. but oh well. not my loss if they dont need me anymore. i'll just go find new & better friends. haa. easier saying & applying this to friends than bfs. what a waste.
haha, jen, ee lin and ur other frens has said it all. like the adage, u can't tepuk sebelah tangan. without both parties making a honest effort to remain frens, it will neva work! :) anywayz, it's better 2 meet one mr. right than a hundred mr. wrong so dun worry!!! ur mr. right might materialised anytime soon!!! if not, u can join me in da singles club. i've resigned myself to da fact dat spinsterhood awaits me! lolz!
hahaha, well if u wanna see it in "that" context also can la. it applies to our relationships with ppl basically.
yf: LOL no thank u. i'll not join u cause i'll never know if the next guy that comes along might be the one! XP later i miss my opportunity =P for now ok la...hahaha
haha!!! hey lin!! there's this guy is my tut who reli resembles u!!!! everytime i c him, i'm reminded of u!!!!! mayb i shud get 2 noe him 2 intro 2 u... they say most couples look alike.. :P
HAHAHAH. all the way from perth. bravo! let's see how it happens if it happens!
o.O looks like me?!?! errrr...ok? if there's a chance to meet him y not? LOL but...1st things 1st, is he weird?! cause i don't dig weirdos. XP & 2nd thing, is he fit??
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