OMG!!!!!!

I just got back from my free dance class. yes, free. just a contribution of 2 bucks maybe but still way cheaper than anything. he teaches salsa & hip hop and the cool thing about it is that he plays modern music to salsa. so it's exactly like how it is in "take the lead" if you've watched that movie.

ANYWAY. that's not the point! i'm totally BURSTING inside! PRACTICALLY!!!!

I'm supposed to go take a shower now but then i swicthed on my computer first and there was an offline msg.

from him, as usual. we've been having 'offline msges' since he's always not there and im always not here as well whenever both of us talk. we've been tlkin online like normal already just now the only difference is he being attached, and me not.

gosh. the story is so long i dont know how to put it. But to cut EVERYTHING short...

he was being a total jackass last year cos he had feelings for me ............!!!! like O-M-G!!!

sigh. it just makes me feel sadder than ever. altho i know im supposed to be over him. which i sort of am. way better progress than ive ever been thru anyway. heee.

so yeah. we've been tlkin bout certain stuff the past few days like how best friends are supposed to talk. and it just got to the topic of how he was being an ass and yada yada yada and i kept pestering him for the reasons why & the convo was soo friendly & totally nice. JUST FRIENDS! I feel like im blabbing but i just dont care. there's just too many things to say and my emotions feel like someone's just used an egg beater on me. thoughts are swirling about and i totally dont know what to feel.

oh. i feel sad.

haha. i forgot. but not sad-sad. just ... a teeny weeny bit sad. how things have to always ALWAYS be this way. just because of my parents..?

and then thinking thru all this and how ee lin & i mentioned about the movie "my best friend's wedding" a couple days ago, it just makes me feel a bit scared how it'd all turn out to be. i might take julia roberts role in the future. but i really hope this doesnt happen. sigh.

...........sigh.

i totally cannot believe it. finding out about this just makes me feel so.........arghh!!!!! like why has it got to be this way!?!! and he has a girl now. and he treats me as a really good friend. not that i mind...but.. mmmm. a little bitchy secret. i always hoped (& still hope) things dont turn out right with his relationship. I cant help it. i dont know why. i'm supposed to be over him and all. but i feel sort of "happy" everytime i hear stuff that it's not workin out well, or they had an argument or whatever negative thing there is to it.

ARGH!!!

what is WRONG with me!? i dont even know what i want atm..!

But girls. this is really a msg to you. whenever you have girl instincts telling you somethin strongly, NEVER doubt it. i've had many MANY instincts before & so far, they've all proven to be true.

Last year. I always thought he was being a jerk cos he had feelings for me and being an ass was just to camouflage his feelings. this issue was discussed among some good friends of mine, all of us wondering what it was actually all about...but then all of them told me not to think too much. and i myself didnt want to think too much either. cos it could have been anything. it could've been he being an ass cos of me having feelings for him, and maybe being mean would help me "hate" him (which is actually his other reason). so yeah. i decided to narrow down the reason he was mean to me to only that. It's always safer to take the negative than the positive neway. so i just discarded the possibility (& my always bugging instincts) that he could've had feelings for me then.

UGHH. whatever. what am i even tlkin about?!

but seriously. sigh. my instincts have always been right. so far. not just this thing but with other issues as well. let's hope they'll always be right. i'd need to learn to trust my instincts from now onwards....

arghhhhhhhhh!!!! i could just continue to blab blab blab..........!