......into someone I'm not.
I finally admit it. I've been trying to ignore it but guess it's becoming too clear even to myself. Dont know if the others might realize but i guess some wouldn't know the difference cos i try to be "normal" when I'm around ppl altho i wouldnt be feeling how i'd be acting. Seems blogging is good in a way where i could just type everything i'm thinking/feeling which I wouldnt feel exactly comfortable with if I tried explaining all this to someone. Sooo yeh. Good & easy way to express myself in one post without needing to wait for the other person to reply if i were to talk to someone regarding this. Does anybody even know what i'm tlkin about here?!
*sigh*
I really dont know what's been up with me. Ever since last sem exams, i've actually been feeling stressed. & depressed. Well, not all the time tho. But the exams really triggered that stress/depressed "hormones" and until now, it seems as tho they can't go away. But like i said, i dont feel that 24/7. Though it's been goin on more often than it should...For goodness sake, i even felt stressed during the mid-sem break!!! Who ever feels stressed out during holidays??!
I guess I was stressed cos i was scared of this sem...Last sem I had only 3 core subjects and 1 elective and that elective was sorta a "free" Distinction since i took up English as a Second Language. So, a total of 3 subjects and i was pretty stressed up already. This sem, I have altogether 4 core subjects, meaning it would be tougher. AND yea, i got stressed thinking about this sem during the holidays....Stupid of me but an idle mind really makes me think about more things than i should be thinking about....
So then, this sem, i've been trying to keep up with every lecture, reading up whatever topics which were going to be taught at lectures and doing tute work one week before the actual tute. Yes, you read correctly. I don't know what's got to me. I feel a sense of accomplishment being able to do everything according to schedule and discovering this really really hardworking and diligent side of me I never thought would become of me. Seriously, when i was in high school & college, i only studied when i had to - and that was before exams.
Believe me, i've always been a lazy girl. Lazy that i always needed to be nagged by parents to go study but not lazy enough that I don't do the day's homework. I was only lazy when it came to studying. But after i got into uni, i realized that if i did what i used to do (ie study only before exam) I wouldnt be able to hold up cos there was just too much to take it and studying last minute will just mean flunking everything.
Anyway, as i was saying, I do feel a sense of accomplishment and sometimes even feel proud cos I'm surprised at how hardworking i've become (which i've never been)...but then....it seems as though studying too much, trying to keep up and be right on schedule is just robbing me of other things which are more important. But if i do something else and neglect the books, i'd end up feeling stressed cos i didnt follow the schedule and have to rush to keep up with it.
So as a summary: I feel stressed out/depressed cos i don't have fun but feel accomplished when i've finished with 'tomorrow's lecture'....at the same time, i'd feel stressed out/depressed if i have fun and then have to rush to catch up. If you still don't get it, whichever i choose, i'd still end up feeling stressed out and unhappy......
And in the sense where i said i've changed into someone im not. Here's what i think has become of me lately:
- antisocial. I've become wayyy antisocial than i ever have been....Talking used to be my favourite thing to do but i hardly talk much these days (maybe cos im always spending my time at home)
- when i'm around friends in uni and if we do hang out after classes have ended for the day, i'd actually be thinking that i should get back to my books soon after hanging out
- i've kinda forgotten what "fun" means on the weekdays..& sometimes weekends if there's nothing on
- i feel "dead" and alone - i only dont feel that when i'm in uni and surrounded by ppl/friends
- i feel like i havent had a good laugh in ages. Wait....altho i really had fun the other night at the casino and laughed SO much then...but still feels as tho i havent laughed in a while
Sometimes i wish i had stayed in a hostel-like place instead. Cos that's where you'd have friends around you 24/7 and you're assured you could go around knocking on their doors when you need them. Although i've got friends but you cant just walk over to wherever they're staying just to unload yr feelings/thoughts or have good girl-talk sessions and then come back. They stay too far away..
& this is the point when you really feel it that your family's not around with you and the house isnt the same when there's absolutely no one talking and you're cooped up in yr room. sigh. No more mom/dad's voice talking on the phone in the background, no more nagging (altho a good thing but i guess some nagging could be used now to create some "noise" in an ever so quiet house), no more talking btw mom & dad, no more tv sounds in the background when dad watches whatever he'd be watching....no more sounds!!!! I'm living in a too-quiet house it's driving me crazy. (i hope my parents will never come across what i just said about them..lol)
SO yeh, i have loads more to say....but all i can say is i only feel in the dumps at certain times - altho happening too often now. There are other reasons as to why i've been feeling depressed/stressed as well. One of them is because i've been with the wrong group of friends at one point and there was just this negative & toxic energy that made me feel drained and uneasy when i was out with them. Thankfully tho, this sem i've managed to find out who my real friends are and obviously am able to get along with this group way better than the one i hung out with last sem.
The other reason why i'm feeling all stressed and depressed is because of my neighbour who's got.....(bla)......everyday. Well, almost everyday. I dont know why, but somehow i dont feel comfortable telling this out loud. Cos i'm NOT supposed to feel this way. But guess it's been going on since...EVER that it's starting to eat away at me a lil. It's prolly due to a bit of jealousy but i can handle that. It's just that....arghhh. You know how when you get too much of one thing, it just makes the whole situation worse than it seems? Okay. Now i dont know what i'm talking about.
And i should prolly go now before i say something i shouldnt reveal .....and before more and more depressing/stressing things are added into this releasing-depression & stress-post which I shouldnt have started with at all.
PS. Advice to all - when i was with the wrong group of friends, it made me realize how important the ppl you mixed with were...and how important friends are when you've found the right ppl you can actually click with and are able to be yourself with.. Pick those friends who're true to you no matter what, even if you 'abandon' them sometimes to other plans you have...Pick those who make you feel energised, confident & optimistic.. & once you've found them, cherish them cos it's not easy to find true friends and without them, you really are nowhere.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
....shit.
Something happened last night.....I will not mention what but only a few know about it. Anyway this "something" made me realize something else which I have not realized...or maybe I've realized but i've been trying to brush it away thinking it wasn't a big deal but after last night, i guess it kind of hit me and shook me up, out of my senses. Again. Or more like..shook me to my senses?? I really dont know which anymore.
*sigh* I hate feeling this wayyy.....!!!! All confused and irrational and "scattered" (my thoughts that is)..not knowing what else to think. No..i dont want to go back to where i came from. But it seems like this is what i do best =S I'm sick and tired of it..! Yet i always find myself at that point i vowed not to go back to any longer.......
I actually felt sad & hurt..cos he wasn't there when i needed to talk to him last night. Altho he was at a friend's house..he told me he was "busy" when i asked if i could call at that time to talk. I knew he was not busy. Or maybe he was "busy" playing games and such. Too busy to be available for me it seemed. He's never there. Especially at times when i need him the most. Bah. Why do i bother sometimes?! I mean, when does he call?? He only calls when he's outside and has nothing to do at that moment, or when he's waiting for something or for some other reasons. I doubt his calls are sincerely because he wants to talk to me. Gosh. Which just means he's using me!!!!
I know, i know. I can be really dumb. And i mean really dumb. For those of you who know what i'm talking about...you know how i've been. Imagine wasting all that time away..when i could have been doin something else more...."beneficial"? Altho i dont know what would have seemed "beneficial" at that time.
But yeh. I know i deserve something more. I'm not dumb when it comes to this. But still, i AM dumb, cos even tho i know i deserve something more, i cant help but to allow those old feelings to come back and attack me! Sooo, at the end of the day, i guess i'm still dumb. -_- That summarizes my dumb-ness and why i'm still feeling this way sometimes. Ok. End of "dumb story".
WOULD SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP FROM THIS MADNESSSSSSSssssssss........................!!!!!!!
Why do i always have to go back to square one?!!! I'm just boosting his ego, his pride and his....guy-esteem!!!! (if there's even such a word) But yes, i do know what i'm doing! But i.can't.help.myself. I'm sooo weak that i cant prevent myself from doing whatever i'm "good" at doing. And that is to be honest with him whenver i have those "attacks" and blurt everything out and then regret it the next day when i realise i've just boosted his self ego and made him feel as tho he can have me back whenever he wishes.
ARgh! I cant be bothered about how much i expose in this post anymore!! I just feel sooooooooo FED-UP! With myself!!!!!!!! *sob in frustration*
SIGH. Really. I thought i'd be on my way. But it seems i'd always halt and turn back. Maybe cos i havent met anything interesting on my journey and that journey's just becoming too empty and barren. Or im just afraid of getting lost in the wilderness....I really dont know..There was a point when my journey was so interesting i just kept going. But who knew the flowers would be all wilted when i continued down the path?
............ =( Gotta get a grip on myself. I will NOT let him win this "war". Altho maybe it's just me fighting against myself. I wish I could read minds. Things would be so much easier if i could just read his.
*sigh* I hate feeling this wayyy.....!!!! All confused and irrational and "scattered" (my thoughts that is)..not knowing what else to think. No..i dont want to go back to where i came from. But it seems like this is what i do best =S I'm sick and tired of it..! Yet i always find myself at that point i vowed not to go back to any longer.......
I actually felt sad & hurt..cos he wasn't there when i needed to talk to him last night. Altho he was at a friend's house..he told me he was "busy" when i asked if i could call at that time to talk. I knew he was not busy. Or maybe he was "busy" playing games and such. Too busy to be available for me it seemed. He's never there. Especially at times when i need him the most. Bah. Why do i bother sometimes?! I mean, when does he call?? He only calls when he's outside and has nothing to do at that moment, or when he's waiting for something or for some other reasons. I doubt his calls are sincerely because he wants to talk to me. Gosh. Which just means he's using me!!!!
I know, i know. I can be really dumb. And i mean really dumb. For those of you who know what i'm talking about...you know how i've been. Imagine wasting all that time away..when i could have been doin something else more...."beneficial"? Altho i dont know what would have seemed "beneficial" at that time.
But yeh. I know i deserve something more. I'm not dumb when it comes to this. But still, i AM dumb, cos even tho i know i deserve something more, i cant help but to allow those old feelings to come back and attack me! Sooo, at the end of the day, i guess i'm still dumb. -_- That summarizes my dumb-ness and why i'm still feeling this way sometimes. Ok. End of "dumb story".
WOULD SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP FROM THIS MADNESSSSSSSssssssss........................!!!!!!!
Why do i always have to go back to square one?!!! I'm just boosting his ego, his pride and his....guy-esteem!!!! (if there's even such a word) But yes, i do know what i'm doing! But i.can't.help.myself. I'm sooo weak that i cant prevent myself from doing whatever i'm "good" at doing. And that is to be honest with him whenver i have those "attacks" and blurt everything out and then regret it the next day when i realise i've just boosted his self ego and made him feel as tho he can have me back whenever he wishes.
ARgh! I cant be bothered about how much i expose in this post anymore!! I just feel sooooooooo FED-UP! With myself!!!!!!!! *sob in frustration*
SIGH. Really. I thought i'd be on my way. But it seems i'd always halt and turn back. Maybe cos i havent met anything interesting on my journey and that journey's just becoming too empty and barren. Or im just afraid of getting lost in the wilderness....I really dont know..There was a point when my journey was so interesting i just kept going. But who knew the flowers would be all wilted when i continued down the path?
............ =( Gotta get a grip on myself. I will NOT let him win this "war". Altho maybe it's just me fighting against myself. I wish I could read minds. Things would be so much easier if i could just read his.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Amazed...
Yep, I still can't seem to stop being amazed............at the many varieties of confectionary and biscuits available over here. The biscuit and confectionary section of the supermarket always attracts me. It's the most interesting aisle to walk down on, checking out the different, different kinds of biscuits..esp those which are choc-coated.....gosh..YUMmmYy...
As for the confectionary section, there are just so many different kinds of choc bars (the single bars) and the best thing is that the supermarkets have got specials on different choc bars at different weeks. *sigh*
Anyway, the thing which amazes me more is how ONE brand has SO many products. I mean c'mon man...Arnotts has like SOOOOO many types of biscuits from timtams to other choc-coated biscuits to those normal, plain milk biscuits to those cream-filled ones to healthy fruity ones to.......Yea, I know I spend a lot of time looking at biscuits when I'm at the supermarket. Sometimes just lookin at them for fun just cos it's nice to look at them. Lol.
Well, maybe there are also a variety (altho I'm sure it can't be as many as it is here) of biscuits and chocs back home but the difference is that I hardly ever bother to walk down the confectionary aisle when i'm at supermarkets back home. So prolly that might explain why I'm so "awed" with all the biscuits and chocs over here...cos it's here when i picked up the bad, unhealthy eating habit of biscuits & chocs. So.....seems like i just realized how there are so many yummy-looking-and-tasting biscuits around. When i get back, I'm gonna make a trip to the supermarket just to compare the varieties of biscuits from back home with them here. Hahaha..i know im crazy. But it just striked me how come i havent seen this much stuff back home before.
And it scares me how much i've been eating chocs lately. Previously, i got addicted to timtams and other biscuits dipped with milk. Then I managed to cut down on it till i totally stopped eating biscuits. Thought my misery was over...........when suddenly I became addicted to chocs. Kept buying $1 choc bars whenever there was a discount on them. Kept eating. Like one every 2 days?? Or maybe one bar per day?! AHhh!! I NEVER ate chocs or biscuits when i was in penang!!!! Ok, maybe not "never" but i'd eat a choc like once in....a month??? Or more than that. & I hardly felt like eating biscuits at all. If i ever ate some, it was a big deal. And my dad had to ASK me to eat them/OFFER me them chocs and biscuits, otherwise i just wouldnt bother. Compare that with NOW! One choc bar per day!! *faint*
I'm trying to cut down on them now. So far i've managed to stay off it for 2 days. I even made my own sign/post/shoutout to myself and printed it out to be pasted on the wall in front of me. Hope it'd work. Whenever i feel like snacking i'd read it and stop myself from eating. Cos i have, & am becoming, really fat...... =( If the "warning" doesn't work, i dont know what else can help me to stop snacking. I just pasted the sign a few hours ago..lol.. so we'll see if it works. *fingers crossed* (cancel that) *fingers crossed tightly with eyes clenched shut in hope*
As for the confectionary section, there are just so many different kinds of choc bars (the single bars) and the best thing is that the supermarkets have got specials on different choc bars at different weeks. *sigh*
Anyway, the thing which amazes me more is how ONE brand has SO many products. I mean c'mon man...Arnotts has like SOOOOO many types of biscuits from timtams to other choc-coated biscuits to those normal, plain milk biscuits to those cream-filled ones to healthy fruity ones to.......Yea, I know I spend a lot of time looking at biscuits when I'm at the supermarket. Sometimes just lookin at them for fun just cos it's nice to look at them. Lol.
Well, maybe there are also a variety (altho I'm sure it can't be as many as it is here) of biscuits and chocs back home but the difference is that I hardly ever bother to walk down the confectionary aisle when i'm at supermarkets back home. So prolly that might explain why I'm so "awed" with all the biscuits and chocs over here...cos it's here when i picked up the bad, unhealthy eating habit of biscuits & chocs. So.....seems like i just realized how there are so many yummy-looking-and-tasting biscuits around. When i get back, I'm gonna make a trip to the supermarket just to compare the varieties of biscuits from back home with them here. Hahaha..i know im crazy. But it just striked me how come i havent seen this much stuff back home before.
And it scares me how much i've been eating chocs lately. Previously, i got addicted to timtams and other biscuits dipped with milk. Then I managed to cut down on it till i totally stopped eating biscuits. Thought my misery was over...........when suddenly I became addicted to chocs. Kept buying $1 choc bars whenever there was a discount on them. Kept eating. Like one every 2 days?? Or maybe one bar per day?! AHhh!! I NEVER ate chocs or biscuits when i was in penang!!!! Ok, maybe not "never" but i'd eat a choc like once in....a month??? Or more than that. & I hardly felt like eating biscuits at all. If i ever ate some, it was a big deal. And my dad had to ASK me to eat them/OFFER me them chocs and biscuits, otherwise i just wouldnt bother. Compare that with NOW! One choc bar per day!! *faint*
I'm trying to cut down on them now. So far i've managed to stay off it for 2 days. I even made my own sign/post/shoutout to myself and printed it out to be pasted on the wall in front of me. Hope it'd work. Whenever i feel like snacking i'd read it and stop myself from eating. Cos i have, & am becoming, really fat...... =( If the "warning" doesn't work, i dont know what else can help me to stop snacking. I just pasted the sign a few hours ago..lol.. so we'll see if it works. *fingers crossed* (cancel that) *fingers crossed tightly with eyes clenched shut in hope*
Sunday, July 29, 2007
JOY!
What a blast! It's been a loooong time not hanging out with friends this way but tonight really reminded me of old times when everyone back home would be hanging out in a big group, eating, chatting, laughing.....camwhoring. LOL. Or more like having photography sessions. I miss those times with friends back home SO much. Especially the photo-taking sessions with the girls and all, laughing and trying out different poses & simply taking lotsa pics!! I'm glad I got to do that tonight! Altho not hardcore posing as how it'd be. Hahahaaa...It's not weird but we, as girls, simply have fun when it comes to "photography". =D
*sigh* SO MUCH FUNNnn....!! The company was great. It's nice to be able to be yourself when you're around others..that's the most important thing ever. It just proves you're with the right group of people who can really make you feel at ease and not all uneasy or having to gather some enthusiasm forcefully. All in all, you just feel gooood. Okok..enough crap.
Neway, activity for the night was dinner at the casino after doin much reasonably-priced-restaurant hunting, chatting, doing stupid things (only Sung), picture-taking, laughing, more picture-taking. And then the guys gambled a bit while the girls watched. When they were satisfied, we went and had dessert at one of the restaurants where there was a promotion: coffee+cake. Made the poor waitress repeat herself so many times (haha!). More picture-taking. Then all headed home.
Lol. The most brief narration ever from me. As you can see by now, I suck at making things brief. They're always long and in-detail. Lucky for you, it's late now which explains the very short summary for the night...so you dont have to read long long posts like the previous stuff I've posted..i know, i know..I've got comments saying my entries are like essays. Well, maybe they are =P Which explains why i considered journalism. I would've loved submitting such stuff like the entry below for publishing in magazines....meh.
Neway, some pics below...where all the fun is captured. Good stuff.
From left: see kit, me, joanne, shi wei
The two cheeky guys: sung & jason
All of us!...with the colourful machine lights in the background.
empty dessert plates, satisfied smiles....a nice way to end the day.
WhEee.....!! What a GrEeeaTt night!
*sigh* SO MUCH FUNNnn....!! The company was great. It's nice to be able to be yourself when you're around others..that's the most important thing ever. It just proves you're with the right group of people who can really make you feel at ease and not all uneasy or having to gather some enthusiasm forcefully. All in all, you just feel gooood. Okok..enough crap.
Neway, activity for the night was dinner at the casino after doin much reasonably-priced-restaurant hunting, chatting, doing stupid things (only Sung), picture-taking, laughing, more picture-taking. And then the guys gambled a bit while the girls watched. When they were satisfied, we went and had dessert at one of the restaurants where there was a promotion: coffee+cake. Made the poor waitress repeat herself so many times (haha!). More picture-taking. Then all headed home.
Lol. The most brief narration ever from me. As you can see by now, I suck at making things brief. They're always long and in-detail. Lucky for you, it's late now which explains the very short summary for the night...so you dont have to read long long posts like the previous stuff I've posted..i know, i know..I've got comments saying my entries are like essays. Well, maybe they are =P Which explains why i considered journalism. I would've loved submitting such stuff like the entry below for publishing in magazines....meh.
Neway, some pics below...where all the fun is captured. Good stuff.
From left: see kit, me, joanne, shi wei
The two cheeky guys: sung & jason
All of us!...with the colourful machine lights in the background.
empty dessert plates, satisfied smiles....a nice way to end the day.
WhEee.....!! What a GrEeeaTt night!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Types of GIrLs
Oh ho-ho. Interesting topic I'm very delighted to write about. I give myself a pat on the back for having this sudden creative topic come into my mind. Heheh. And I won't be just crapping. I actually DO know these types of girls and am writing thru what I've come across. Yes, all these categories really do exist, I'm not making it up. & that's what makes this entry the more interesting when people I do know (who reads this) would be wondering who I'm actually talking about =P
Surprising how after putting them down into categories, there are actually so many different types of girls who have got different attitudes when it comes to the dating scene. Or rather, when it comes to guys alone.
Guys who're reading this - who knows, you might be able to put this entry into use and know the type of girl you're actually dating =D
I shall be random and write whatever that comes to mind first...and also will include a quote which fits the appropriate category mentioned, if there is one.
And here, I present to you the types of girls that exist in my world alone. More than one category might belong to the same person or one category might be a combination of a few ppl I do know.
The Shy
This girl might be a naturally shy girl who is not really exposed to the relationship area and does not know how to handle a situation when it comes to a guy. Or she could be the 'other' shy girl who is usually quiet, does not have many friends and is most of the time by herself. Oh, on second thoughts, that's more like a loner so forget about the second point. Anyway, this type of girl would usually be a quiet, sweet girl who just blushes most of the time when around the guy she likes. She has no experience whatsoever and is naive. She only opens up to ppl she trusts and can be quite bubbly once you get to know her well.
The Low Self-esteem
This girl somehow has the concept that she is not good enough for the guy she likes. She has an insecure edge and sometimes might think that she does not deserve the guy because she doesn't match up to him..or prolly cos she thinks the guy deserves someone better than she is. But then, who gets what they want if they think they're not good enough? A low self-esteem will only allow your target to be whisked away into someone else's grasp before you even know it. Be confident, stand tall. You dont have to be perfect in order to think you're good enough for him. The challenge and the fight alone is enough. Instead of having the thought like 'I don't have a chance', have some other thought like 'Everybody's got a chance'. It just depends whether you get it but at least there's still hope. The movie 'Maid in Manhattan' by Jennifer Lopez is a great example. A senator dating a hotel roomkeeper. Worlds apart, but still possible. Altho I havent come across this in real life before but..lol. Everything's possible. After all, the most imporatant part of you will always be what's on the inside.
The Obsessive/Insecure
She can't lose sight of him for more than ten minutes. His phone rings often when she isn't with him and his inbox is filled with her msges. She gets jealous easily when he is around other girls and wants him all to herself. Sometimes she can be like a mother, setting rules for him in the relationship and expecting him to follow them. When he does not, she gets all upset and thinks he doesn't care about her. Which guy would want to be tied down in a relationship filled with "rules" though? If he calls at 8.30 instead of 8.00 like he said he would, she would be distraught until he calls. She knows his daily schedule at the tips of her fingers and always wishes to know his whereabouts every minute of the day. She watches him like a hawk and obliges in everything the guy wants even if it is inconvenient to her. This kind of girl would normally end up alone at the end, as the guy would dump her (unless he loves her too much) cos no guy would want a doormat girlfriend who is obsessed to the max over him.
The Flirt
Every good looking or not too bad looking guy she comes into contact with would be chatted up. This girl is the flirt queen, the one who is good at tossing her hair over her shoulders, batting her eyelashes and flashing a hundred megawatt smile. Oh, and probably touching the person she's talking to once in a while. The works. Tell me if she's got a boyfriend. When Guy isnt around, she turns on full flirt-mode. But when Guy is around, she's an angel and a goody-goody. When out with friends, she's usually the type to gossip about others and who knows the latest gossip. She'd be a fashion freak and is up-to-date with the latest fashion..well, most of the time. Her voice might be honey-coated (for the sweet-flirt) or husky (for the hot-flirt). What's the difference you may ask? The sweet-flirt looks sweet, the hot-flirt looks hot. Easy as A, B, C. The Flirt would always have a bit of an attractiveness in her (whether sweet, hot or in the middle) cos who would flirt when they're not looking good? Common sense.
The Confused
She doesnt know what she wants. Uh-huh. She might want 5 guys at the same time. But too bad she can only make one choice and have one guy. And that's why she's single most of the time. She can't make decisions when it comes to love prolly cos she can be too cautious...or perhaps she's just afraid to fall in love cos of its responsibilities and being in a commitment. Altho she's sure she likes a guy, she doesn't have courage or confidence in starting a relationship because she wonders what may happen with the relationship. Most of the time, she shrinks away - that explains how she's always single. What The Confused doesnt know is that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
The Loyal
This girl has a big BIG heart. She's nice, she's sweet, and she gives the best she can in a relationship. Once she's taken, she hides nothing when a guy chats her up. While some girls may go along with flirting when Guy isnt around, The Loyal may flirt back, but doesn't show as much interest as she could have. She knows she isn't available and does not cause the other party to think she is still available. To put it in simpler words, she does not lead other guys who are interested in her on. She is faithful to the one who loves her and makes it clear to others who keep pursuing her that she is not interested. She doesnt think about going out on dates with someone else interested in her (what's the point when you're just giving them hope and allowing them to continue hunting you down) and two-timing is not in her vocabulary. Her concept? Treasure the one who loves you for it isn't easy to find a person who loves you.
The Independent
The independent one is often categorized as a "Good bitch". The BITCH which means 'Babe In Total Control of Herself'. A strong-minded girl who doesn't give a damn about anything going on around her, be it good or bad. She's usually in her own world and hardly cares about what others may think of her. She is strong-willed and is able to go on in life without having to depend on a guy. She places her boyfriend after her friends and does not get terribly crushed when a break up occurs. She picks herself up fast with the thought that everything happens for a reason and moves on quickly, knowing that something else better is waiting for her. She is a girl full of pride and who loves a fight. If a guy breaks up with her, she's not the type to go running back to him. Her motto: "Love is yours when it's meant for you. So give it wings to fly - if it's really for you to keep, it'll fly back to you"...the exact words from the 'Bitch' herself. ;)
The Needy
'Never make somebody your everything cos when they're gone you've got NOTHING'. This girl TOTALLY needs to have this quote glued to her brain since she always lets herself get hurt over and over again. The total opposite of The Independent, The Needy is one who totally depends on a guy. Worse, she gives a 100% of her heart to a particular guy. She's willing to do anything for her boyfriend, calls and msges him often, has to see him often and puts him as a priority. That's why she gets insanely heartbroken when the relationship ends. She is dependent on love; once a relationship ends and she comes across another guy interested in her, she jumps into it and devotes herself fully to the guy. Relationship ends, totally heartbroken, finds another guy, gets on with it and whole process begins from starting point again. The Needy has part of The Obsessive/Insecure traits in her. She also has a number of boyfriends depending on how long a relationship lasts and how soon she meets another.
The Dependent
This girl is something like The Needy but in a different kinda sense. The Needy is loyal but The Dependent might not be loyal. She is just dependent on love when she has no one else to love. She depends on physical contact in the lovey-dovey sense. Long-distance relationships are not for her, whereas The Needy is able to handle them. The Dependent might be in a relationship even when her heart belongs to someone else, someone she cannot get ahold of. She, just like The Needy, has many boyfriends. When one relationship ends, she jumps into another all for the sake of love and affection. The difference between The Needy and The Dependent is that The Needy devotes herself entirely while The Dependent does/might not. The Dependent gets into relationships as a 'pit stop' before finding 'The One'. A quote The Dependent would need to seriously consider is this: 'Don't hold something in your arms that you could never hold in your heart'.
The Playgirl
This version is the "Bad bitch". Unlike The Independent who happens to be the "Good bitch", The Playgirl is a full-on bitch-bitch. She has flings, lots of relationships, two-(three-four-)times for all you know and doesnt give a damn as to whose heart she breaks. She likes to have fun with guys and is a major flirt. Nothing much to say about her and since we all know how they are.... so let's move on.
The Choosy/Future-Seeker
She has her own expectations when it comes to guys and only looks for a guy who fulfills her list of traits. Looking for a guy is rather time consuming as it is hard to find him. She only allows herself to start a relationship with a guy who has most of what she is looking for. She doesnt fall in love easily but when she does, she cherishes him. She does not simply get on with a guy "for the fun of it" even if it means to try out the relationship with someone she might like. She totally makes sure she really likes a guy before getting on with him. She seeks long-term relationships whereby her boyfriend could possibly end up her husband. That makes her single most of the time until she comes across someone worth considering.
The Attention-Seeker
The title says it all. She enjoys attention. In fact, she may enjoy receiving attention from someone else other than her boyfriend that she hides the truth in order to get the most out of both worlds. She loves being showered with gifts and warms up to guys who make her feel special. But what The Attention-Seeker needs to know is that 'If you find somone else in love with you and you dont love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain'.
The Manipulator/Dominator
This girl has her way. She dominates the relationship, her boyfriend adores(/worships?) her to the max and gives her anything and everything she might wish for. She is spoiled rotten and sometimes takes it for granted. She has an aura of power(?) and charm and is intelligent in certain ways...the manipulative ways of course. Usually her boyfriend respects her and showers her with lots and lots of gifts. Most of the time, her boyfriend doesn't have a say; she does.
That sums up the types of girls who exist.........This is crappy. I feel like i've just written an entire book instead of a blog entry. Hell, it IS long..!! Anyway, to those of you girls who're reading, no offense if you may think any of those categories happen to suit you and that I'm writing about you (but then I actually am that's why it's said to be types of girls i know)...But even if they do get to you, it's a fact so don't get mad..Be a sport...? It's just a blog after all..You can kill me later if you think it's you I'm actually talking about. =D
ANd if you're wondering which am I, I'll just be honest and let you know, my categories arranged according to 'strengths'. Lol. Here goes..The Loyal, The Choosy/Future-Seeker, The Confused, The Needy. But these, I'm not totally sure. The ppl who know me well would be able to tell. Ask them instead. & that's enough for today. More than enough.
Surprising how after putting them down into categories, there are actually so many different types of girls who have got different attitudes when it comes to the dating scene. Or rather, when it comes to guys alone.
Guys who're reading this - who knows, you might be able to put this entry into use and know the type of girl you're actually dating =D
I shall be random and write whatever that comes to mind first...and also will include a quote which fits the appropriate category mentioned, if there is one.
And here, I present to you the types of girls that exist in my world alone. More than one category might belong to the same person or one category might be a combination of a few ppl I do know.
The Shy
This girl might be a naturally shy girl who is not really exposed to the relationship area and does not know how to handle a situation when it comes to a guy. Or she could be the 'other' shy girl who is usually quiet, does not have many friends and is most of the time by herself. Oh, on second thoughts, that's more like a loner so forget about the second point. Anyway, this type of girl would usually be a quiet, sweet girl who just blushes most of the time when around the guy she likes. She has no experience whatsoever and is naive. She only opens up to ppl she trusts and can be quite bubbly once you get to know her well.
The Low Self-esteem
This girl somehow has the concept that she is not good enough for the guy she likes. She has an insecure edge and sometimes might think that she does not deserve the guy because she doesn't match up to him..or prolly cos she thinks the guy deserves someone better than she is. But then, who gets what they want if they think they're not good enough? A low self-esteem will only allow your target to be whisked away into someone else's grasp before you even know it. Be confident, stand tall. You dont have to be perfect in order to think you're good enough for him. The challenge and the fight alone is enough. Instead of having the thought like 'I don't have a chance', have some other thought like 'Everybody's got a chance'. It just depends whether you get it but at least there's still hope. The movie 'Maid in Manhattan' by Jennifer Lopez is a great example. A senator dating a hotel roomkeeper. Worlds apart, but still possible. Altho I havent come across this in real life before but..lol. Everything's possible. After all, the most imporatant part of you will always be what's on the inside.
The Obsessive/Insecure
She can't lose sight of him for more than ten minutes. His phone rings often when she isn't with him and his inbox is filled with her msges. She gets jealous easily when he is around other girls and wants him all to herself. Sometimes she can be like a mother, setting rules for him in the relationship and expecting him to follow them. When he does not, she gets all upset and thinks he doesn't care about her. Which guy would want to be tied down in a relationship filled with "rules" though? If he calls at 8.30 instead of 8.00 like he said he would, she would be distraught until he calls. She knows his daily schedule at the tips of her fingers and always wishes to know his whereabouts every minute of the day. She watches him like a hawk and obliges in everything the guy wants even if it is inconvenient to her. This kind of girl would normally end up alone at the end, as the guy would dump her (unless he loves her too much) cos no guy would want a doormat girlfriend who is obsessed to the max over him.
The Flirt
Every good looking or not too bad looking guy she comes into contact with would be chatted up. This girl is the flirt queen, the one who is good at tossing her hair over her shoulders, batting her eyelashes and flashing a hundred megawatt smile. Oh, and probably touching the person she's talking to once in a while. The works. Tell me if she's got a boyfriend. When Guy isnt around, she turns on full flirt-mode. But when Guy is around, she's an angel and a goody-goody. When out with friends, she's usually the type to gossip about others and who knows the latest gossip. She'd be a fashion freak and is up-to-date with the latest fashion..well, most of the time. Her voice might be honey-coated (for the sweet-flirt) or husky (for the hot-flirt). What's the difference you may ask? The sweet-flirt looks sweet, the hot-flirt looks hot. Easy as A, B, C. The Flirt would always have a bit of an attractiveness in her (whether sweet, hot or in the middle) cos who would flirt when they're not looking good? Common sense.
The Confused
She doesnt know what she wants. Uh-huh. She might want 5 guys at the same time. But too bad she can only make one choice and have one guy. And that's why she's single most of the time. She can't make decisions when it comes to love prolly cos she can be too cautious...or perhaps she's just afraid to fall in love cos of its responsibilities and being in a commitment. Altho she's sure she likes a guy, she doesn't have courage or confidence in starting a relationship because she wonders what may happen with the relationship. Most of the time, she shrinks away - that explains how she's always single. What The Confused doesnt know is that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
The Loyal
This girl has a big BIG heart. She's nice, she's sweet, and she gives the best she can in a relationship. Once she's taken, she hides nothing when a guy chats her up. While some girls may go along with flirting when Guy isnt around, The Loyal may flirt back, but doesn't show as much interest as she could have. She knows she isn't available and does not cause the other party to think she is still available. To put it in simpler words, she does not lead other guys who are interested in her on. She is faithful to the one who loves her and makes it clear to others who keep pursuing her that she is not interested. She doesnt think about going out on dates with someone else interested in her (what's the point when you're just giving them hope and allowing them to continue hunting you down) and two-timing is not in her vocabulary. Her concept? Treasure the one who loves you for it isn't easy to find a person who loves you.
The Independent
The independent one is often categorized as a "Good bitch". The BITCH which means 'Babe In Total Control of Herself'. A strong-minded girl who doesn't give a damn about anything going on around her, be it good or bad. She's usually in her own world and hardly cares about what others may think of her. She is strong-willed and is able to go on in life without having to depend on a guy. She places her boyfriend after her friends and does not get terribly crushed when a break up occurs. She picks herself up fast with the thought that everything happens for a reason and moves on quickly, knowing that something else better is waiting for her. She is a girl full of pride and who loves a fight. If a guy breaks up with her, she's not the type to go running back to him. Her motto: "Love is yours when it's meant for you. So give it wings to fly - if it's really for you to keep, it'll fly back to you"...the exact words from the 'Bitch' herself. ;)
The Needy
'Never make somebody your everything cos when they're gone you've got NOTHING'. This girl TOTALLY needs to have this quote glued to her brain since she always lets herself get hurt over and over again. The total opposite of The Independent, The Needy is one who totally depends on a guy. Worse, she gives a 100% of her heart to a particular guy. She's willing to do anything for her boyfriend, calls and msges him often, has to see him often and puts him as a priority. That's why she gets insanely heartbroken when the relationship ends. She is dependent on love; once a relationship ends and she comes across another guy interested in her, she jumps into it and devotes herself fully to the guy. Relationship ends, totally heartbroken, finds another guy, gets on with it and whole process begins from starting point again. The Needy has part of The Obsessive/Insecure traits in her. She also has a number of boyfriends depending on how long a relationship lasts and how soon she meets another.
The Dependent
This girl is something like The Needy but in a different kinda sense. The Needy is loyal but The Dependent might not be loyal. She is just dependent on love when she has no one else to love. She depends on physical contact in the lovey-dovey sense. Long-distance relationships are not for her, whereas The Needy is able to handle them. The Dependent might be in a relationship even when her heart belongs to someone else, someone she cannot get ahold of. She, just like The Needy, has many boyfriends. When one relationship ends, she jumps into another all for the sake of love and affection. The difference between The Needy and The Dependent is that The Needy devotes herself entirely while The Dependent does/might not. The Dependent gets into relationships as a 'pit stop' before finding 'The One'. A quote The Dependent would need to seriously consider is this: 'Don't hold something in your arms that you could never hold in your heart'.
The Playgirl
This version is the "Bad bitch". Unlike The Independent who happens to be the "Good bitch", The Playgirl is a full-on bitch-bitch. She has flings, lots of relationships, two-(three-four-)times for all you know and doesnt give a damn as to whose heart she breaks. She likes to have fun with guys and is a major flirt. Nothing much to say about her and since we all know how they are.... so let's move on.
The Choosy/Future-Seeker
She has her own expectations when it comes to guys and only looks for a guy who fulfills her list of traits. Looking for a guy is rather time consuming as it is hard to find him. She only allows herself to start a relationship with a guy who has most of what she is looking for. She doesnt fall in love easily but when she does, she cherishes him. She does not simply get on with a guy "for the fun of it" even if it means to try out the relationship with someone she might like. She totally makes sure she really likes a guy before getting on with him. She seeks long-term relationships whereby her boyfriend could possibly end up her husband. That makes her single most of the time until she comes across someone worth considering.
The Attention-Seeker
The title says it all. She enjoys attention. In fact, she may enjoy receiving attention from someone else other than her boyfriend that she hides the truth in order to get the most out of both worlds. She loves being showered with gifts and warms up to guys who make her feel special. But what The Attention-Seeker needs to know is that 'If you find somone else in love with you and you dont love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain'.
The Manipulator/Dominator
This girl has her way. She dominates the relationship, her boyfriend adores(/worships?) her to the max and gives her anything and everything she might wish for. She is spoiled rotten and sometimes takes it for granted. She has an aura of power(?) and charm and is intelligent in certain ways...the manipulative ways of course. Usually her boyfriend respects her and showers her with lots and lots of gifts. Most of the time, her boyfriend doesn't have a say; she does.
That sums up the types of girls who exist.........This is crappy. I feel like i've just written an entire book instead of a blog entry. Hell, it IS long..!! Anyway, to those of you girls who're reading, no offense if you may think any of those categories happen to suit you and that I'm writing about you (but then I actually am that's why it's said to be types of girls i know)...But even if they do get to you, it's a fact so don't get mad..Be a sport...? It's just a blog after all..You can kill me later if you think it's you I'm actually talking about. =D
ANd if you're wondering which am I, I'll just be honest and let you know, my categories arranged according to 'strengths'. Lol. Here goes..The Loyal, The Choosy/Future-Seeker, The Confused, The Needy. But these, I'm not totally sure. The ppl who know me well would be able to tell. Ask them instead. & that's enough for today. More than enough.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Dream BIG!
How often do we hear of people who actually opt for their interests rather than for "fortune"'s sake these days...I find that people nowadays are engaged in courses they only have a slight interest in - or totally do not have any interest in it at all. Why? What happened to those days when people took up jobs they actually love doing??
Blame the world! Things are becoming more and more complex that even a single degree after graduating from uni is not enough to get a good job. People only feel consoled if they earn a higher and better ranking than the rest. But when is this ever going to end? The challenge to outdo each other is neverending. A double degree used to be a "wow" thing back in the early days. Today, gaining a Masters or Honours is nothing really special though you get a plus from it.
Anyway, that's besides the point. Hearing someone doing something they actually love is becoming rare.
Reasons why fewer people are doing things they love:
1. Pressure from parents wanting them to do some other thing - parents' choice. Never happened in the old days did it?
2. To earn more money to get a better future...since doing something you love would get you 'nowhere'
3. Taking up something (according to recent demand of a particular job) in order to find a job easily after you graduate
4. Have to match up to levels of society and others' expectations - if doing the thing you love is considered low-class
5. Too many people are doing the thing you love that if you happen to take it up, you'll just get nowhere (unless you're extraordinary & someone spots you or you're able to beat the rest)
6. You don't see yrself doing the thing you love in the future cos it all seems too "impossible"
And one of those people is me. 2, 3, 5 & 6. Those are my reasons.
From the very beginning, the period where every kid actually has their dreams of what they want to become when you ask them the innocent question..some would say they want to be a pilot, doctor, actor, magician..& the list goes on. When a kid tells you what he/she wants to become in the future, there is true passion in whatever they want. Although their innocent minds are not really prepared for what is expected to be what they want to be, they do know what they love. And that is the ultimate thing.
What is the thing I love doing???
If you had asked me what I had wanted to be in those early days, I would have answered " A musician/singer". I'd always dream about having my own band and rocking the stage just like those singers-cum-musicians you watch in movies like 'Freaky Friday' where they sing their songs and do their thing on electric guitars...
Later, during the early stages in high school, I discovered the art of composing songs. Suddenly, I had myself wondering if it was actually possible to end up a composer.
Then, at the later days of high school when blogging came into the picture, I had an interest in writing and considered taking up mass communication and doing something like journalism.
At the end of high school days and going into college, cameras suddenly seemed like a must to have - we needed to capture lots of memories. That's when the skill of camwhoring came into place. That's also when I wished I could become a model and just pose for pictures all day long.
Guess what? Up till today, I still have those interests. They never changed. I still wish i could end up a musician-singer-composer and prolly be a part time journalist and a part time model. But that just sounds too hectic, so maybe either one of those 3 things would do.
But ha-ha. What am I doing now? I'm studying Bachelor of Commerce, major in Accounting. An accountant??? hell, I never thought about that before!
I guess that's just life. And it is somehow consoling to know that I'm not the only one trapped in this....'thing'. Some others I know either do not know what they want, or they tell me they just HAVE to do it. Like there isnt a choice. But in today's world, I guess there really isnt a choice but to do something that you'd be able to reap benefits from in the future rather than to be doomed doing something you love.
Sooo...the people who actually get to do something they love without having any difficulties..those who're into dentistry, pharmacy, medicine, psychology and all the not-so-impossible, be thankful you're interested in such areas where making it happen would not seem too impossible.
Blame the world! Things are becoming more and more complex that even a single degree after graduating from uni is not enough to get a good job. People only feel consoled if they earn a higher and better ranking than the rest. But when is this ever going to end? The challenge to outdo each other is neverending. A double degree used to be a "wow" thing back in the early days. Today, gaining a Masters or Honours is nothing really special though you get a plus from it.
Anyway, that's besides the point. Hearing someone doing something they actually love is becoming rare.
Reasons why fewer people are doing things they love:
1. Pressure from parents wanting them to do some other thing - parents' choice. Never happened in the old days did it?
2. To earn more money to get a better future...since doing something you love would get you 'nowhere'
3. Taking up something (according to recent demand of a particular job) in order to find a job easily after you graduate
4. Have to match up to levels of society and others' expectations - if doing the thing you love is considered low-class
5. Too many people are doing the thing you love that if you happen to take it up, you'll just get nowhere (unless you're extraordinary & someone spots you or you're able to beat the rest)
6. You don't see yrself doing the thing you love in the future cos it all seems too "impossible"
And one of those people is me. 2, 3, 5 & 6. Those are my reasons.
From the very beginning, the period where every kid actually has their dreams of what they want to become when you ask them the innocent question..some would say they want to be a pilot, doctor, actor, magician..& the list goes on. When a kid tells you what he/she wants to become in the future, there is true passion in whatever they want. Although their innocent minds are not really prepared for what is expected to be what they want to be, they do know what they love. And that is the ultimate thing.
What is the thing I love doing???
If you had asked me what I had wanted to be in those early days, I would have answered " A musician/singer". I'd always dream about having my own band and rocking the stage just like those singers-cum-musicians you watch in movies like 'Freaky Friday' where they sing their songs and do their thing on electric guitars...
Later, during the early stages in high school, I discovered the art of composing songs. Suddenly, I had myself wondering if it was actually possible to end up a composer.
Then, at the later days of high school when blogging came into the picture, I had an interest in writing and considered taking up mass communication and doing something like journalism.
At the end of high school days and going into college, cameras suddenly seemed like a must to have - we needed to capture lots of memories. That's when the skill of camwhoring came into place. That's also when I wished I could become a model and just pose for pictures all day long.
Guess what? Up till today, I still have those interests. They never changed. I still wish i could end up a musician-singer-composer and prolly be a part time journalist and a part time model. But that just sounds too hectic, so maybe either one of those 3 things would do.
But ha-ha. What am I doing now? I'm studying Bachelor of Commerce, major in Accounting. An accountant??? hell, I never thought about that before!
I guess that's just life. And it is somehow consoling to know that I'm not the only one trapped in this....'thing'. Some others I know either do not know what they want, or they tell me they just HAVE to do it. Like there isnt a choice. But in today's world, I guess there really isnt a choice but to do something that you'd be able to reap benefits from in the future rather than to be doomed doing something you love.
Sooo...the people who actually get to do something they love without having any difficulties..those who're into dentistry, pharmacy, medicine, psychology and all the not-so-impossible, be thankful you're interested in such areas where making it happen would not seem too impossible.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Last One!
Monday, September 05, 2005
A lil bit about love
"Love is like the wind. You can't see it but you feel it"
Why do relationships have to end when one party has to go abroad then? There are many couples around who face such situations...where one of them goes abroad..& when things like these happen, break ups happen..why? Because of distance? But really, is distance that difficult to endure?
Love doesnt involve body contact alone (i.e hugging, kissin, touchin etc)..In fact, it means much more....care, honesty, loyalty, trust & patience...There are many more but these five traits alone can be the foundation to a strong relationship. Sure, long-distance relationships are tough but ever thought about the outcome?
So why are ppl afraid of long-distance relationships when they havent even tried? Some simply dont bother trying because they think it would not work out or they simply can't go on in a relationship without body contact or seeing the significant other. Well, is this really called love? If a couple is totally in love with each other, nothing would matter at all. Distance wouldnt be a barrier & the need to see or touch isnt necessary at all..
You don't have to be able to feel love physically..what matters more is the feeling of love in the hearts' of two ppl...Love is like the wind. You dont have to see it. You juz have to know it's there & feel it....
A lil bit about love
"Love is like the wind. You can't see it but you feel it"
Why do relationships have to end when one party has to go abroad then? There are many couples around who face such situations...where one of them goes abroad..& when things like these happen, break ups happen..why? Because of distance? But really, is distance that difficult to endure?
Love doesnt involve body contact alone (i.e hugging, kissin, touchin etc)..In fact, it means much more....care, honesty, loyalty, trust & patience...There are many more but these five traits alone can be the foundation to a strong relationship. Sure, long-distance relationships are tough but ever thought about the outcome?
So why are ppl afraid of long-distance relationships when they havent even tried? Some simply dont bother trying because they think it would not work out or they simply can't go on in a relationship without body contact or seeing the significant other. Well, is this really called love? If a couple is totally in love with each other, nothing would matter at all. Distance wouldnt be a barrier & the need to see or touch isnt necessary at all..
You don't have to be able to feel love physically..what matters more is the feeling of love in the hearts' of two ppl...Love is like the wind. You dont have to see it. You juz have to know it's there & feel it....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
