YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

EXAMS ARE OVERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhh!!!!

Sad part is, i got no one to celebrate with. Cos my neighbour is stil studying. hahaha.

still, it feels sooo good! I went for a long walk earlier & it was sooo windy and cold but it also felt SO refreshing to feel the cold wind on yr face and smiling at the world! hahaha.

I'm so hyped atm. I have loads to do and so little time! I knw, what a way to talk when holidays have just started. I sound as if i have homework. lol. But yeh i have so much i want to do before all the activities for "pre-WYD" come up & then the big WYD itself! Woohooo! i'm so excited as this is my first time ever going for this event which i only got to know about only 4 yrs back?? WHen it's actually been in existence for so long. Ah. I'm just SO glad for the opportunity, being in aus now and the event being in sydney itself. It's gonna be a life-changing experience, i can feel it. Hope it stays with me for life. & hope i get to experience some...i dunno. something to do with god's presence or similar to that. I just want to FEEL something to be able to bring with me thru life!

ok. im crapping a lot prolly cos im hyped!! ahhh! i need to go out!! if only it was a friday night. DAMN!

time....so precious yet wasted.

I cannot, CANNOT, believe the amount of time i've wasted today. and yesterday. and the day before. totally. instead of reading up on my law and knowing the cases and goin thru all those things.. i somehow find myself ending up with a whole lot of different things. =(

My concentration has totally gone.......!

I really feel like im on extreme ends atm. Before my second paper i was so panicky and stressed and studying like nobody's business (that was the paper i was the most afraid of). After that paper tho, ........i'm acting as if exams have ended!!!!! Which is SO SO bad!!! Gosh gosh gosh. I know i'll regret and i'll start panicking really soon yet i wasted time again tonight!

Instead of reading up and doing more revision, what did i end up doing tonite?? I was sourcing thru modelling material and going thru modelling poses instead of law cases.

OH MY GOODNESS!!

How could I!!

*i'm still trying to force some panicky feeling into me but cant seem to conjure some up yet* =S

I'd better work my ass off tomoro otherwise i'll seriously be meat. Only 2 days left to revise everything. Oh-ho. I feel like I'm playing around with myself. TWO DAYS. my goodness. I need my brain & concentration power back before something bad happens for my law paper!!

OKokok..tomoro really gotta get lots of things done. need to, have to. ARGH!

oh. and i totally forgot the main reason i'm blogging. hehee. when i first heard it my mouth automatically curved up altho i had to feign shock. but it seemed like it wasnt really a biggie to him though. and ever since he got with that girl he's been SO nice and i've learned SO many things he never told me before. The things he wouldnt EVER tell cos of pride. But ever since that girl he's been telling me stuff i never expected him to tell cos he's normally too egoistic to tell. I really really thank that girl for changing him so much. GONE is that prideful, egoistic, mean, (keep throwing in negative words) arse.

The new thing i got today was hearing him admit that he took things for granted when he was with me. He's been admitting things a lot lately & i am just so "awed" by the changed person that he is. I've been amazed since he got with her. Seriously, it's a big change, no exaggeration made at all!

But the main reason i smiled wasnt cos he admitted that but of what he told me before he said that. They broke up. hahaha. I know. It's so pathetic of me but i cant help it. It just makes me happy for some reason. hahaha. Not trying to be mean. But still cant help laughing. You can laugh with me if you want to. =)

THE day!

Only 12 more days ..........

to a whole load of movies, novels, shopping, eating, magazines, walking, random trips in adelaide, & just about anything i can think of doing with a BIG smile on my face! even if it means walking aimlessly in the city of adelaide. I would walk & walk & walk & be able to smell the air & feel the wind on my face.

AHHHHHHH.............!!

12 days is pretty short. yes, it is. It'll come by before i even know it.

Now all i need to do is to HANG ON!!! & not lose concentration & start "slacking" like what my brain feels like doing now.

boohooohoooo.......i want a time machine..............!

meh.

this is so far the FIRST night ever after about 2 weeks that i get to relax a bit (for an hour or so) before i sleep.

& that's because i managed to finish the day's topics early. otherwise, studying would normally go up till 11 ish before relaxing only for a few mins, or no relaxing at all; just closing the books, turning off the lights, and jumping into bed.

bah.

LIFE IS SOOO HECTIC WHEN THERE'S EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY WHY WHY do we even need exams???! At the end of the day, we're all going to die. We study our lives away just to get a piece of paper so that we can get jobs. We work our entire lives away and then we retire and die. What is the point really??

If i were the prime minister or queen or..watever it is.. i would abolish exams! mwahaha. how easy it being said. But seriously. Why cant ppl just make use of their talents & abilities to earn money to live a simple life? Everyone's just competing to get the best of the best that if you dont join in and compete as well, you'll be left behind like a shop/restaurant which has got no customers at all.

JEEZ.

There are so many other things i would have loved to do other than study and becoming an accountant (or something similar). Life would've been so much more pleasant if i was working as some musician or composer or model or singer or actress.......or even a blogger. HAH! I would be way happier even if i had to work 2 jobs at once, it consisting of either those listed. It's so much more of what i want than to flip thru pages and pages of written words. It makes me feel sick. *ugh*

If only there were REAL jobs as bloggers. Woweee. i would give anything to earn money just by writing posts after posts of thoughts and experiences & everything you could think under the sun. Just writing articles about your own views and all.........mmmm. Is there a job for that?? mann....

Anyway, i just wrote an entry which totally doesnt prove a point. And i've wasted minutes doing so when i could be doing something else on my most precious first-night-off. AHh!! opportunity cost!!

hahaha!!

I'm totally laughin at myself right now. hehehe.

seems like there's a whole big mistake there. He got his facts wrong. so yeah. it was ALL wrong. hahaha.

so much for feeling sad last night. even if only a teeny weeny bit sad.

SHEESH!

so he didnt have anything for me anymore. his reason was just cos he wanted me to get pissed at him to stop me from having feelings.

the reason for the whole mess-up was cos i listed those reasons down for him in a numeric way so he didnt have to tell me the reasons himself. since he didnt even want to tell me why he was an ass. So i thought i'd just list whatever came to my brain in point form and ask him to pick whether it was point 1 or point 2, etc etc. and he picked the wrong point by mistake (it all got messed up cos they were 'offline msges' so i couldnt ask further and assumed what he said was right). so the whole thing was a mistake cos he picked the wrong points. -_-

how PATHETIC.

But i am just so glad for that. cos then, it makes me feel much happier now since there's no "wasted chance" and i didnt have to have any "hope" anymore.

How SILLY of me to even have second thoughts. silly, silly, silly, jennifer!!

It's just weird how this whole mistake came as a relief to me instead of more sadness. lol.

Guess that's good isnt it? =D

YAY!

hahahaahaha.

I shouldnt even EVER think of having second thoughts next time. or the slightest bit of hope. or some kinda 'wasted chance' we could somehow build up again. GOSH. that's just silly. I should totally just 100% let it go and not care anymore. i mean, SERIOUSLY. (if it was even possible to roll your eyes at yourself)

I think i live too much in a fairytale world. Just gets out of hand sometimes. Too dramatic.

But cant help it when you want your life to be like a movie somtimes right? sucha nice ending. Imagine having so much hardships & difficulty & hurt, sadness etc. but in the end, you get to end up with that guy and have a happy ever after life.

LMAO

I should just wake up and get back to the harshness of reality.

OMG!!!!!!

I just got back from my free dance class. yes, free. just a contribution of 2 bucks maybe but still way cheaper than anything. he teaches salsa & hip hop and the cool thing about it is that he plays modern music to salsa. so it's exactly like how it is in "take the lead" if you've watched that movie.

ANYWAY. that's not the point! i'm totally BURSTING inside! PRACTICALLY!!!!

I'm supposed to go take a shower now but then i swicthed on my computer first and there was an offline msg.

from him, as usual. we've been having 'offline msges' since he's always not there and im always not here as well whenever both of us talk. we've been tlkin online like normal already just now the only difference is he being attached, and me not.

gosh. the story is so long i dont know how to put it. But to cut EVERYTHING short...

he was being a total jackass last year cos he had feelings for me ............!!!! like O-M-G!!!

sigh. it just makes me feel sadder than ever. altho i know im supposed to be over him. which i sort of am. way better progress than ive ever been thru anyway. heee.

so yeah. we've been tlkin bout certain stuff the past few days like how best friends are supposed to talk. and it just got to the topic of how he was being an ass and yada yada yada and i kept pestering him for the reasons why & the convo was soo friendly & totally nice. JUST FRIENDS! I feel like im blabbing but i just dont care. there's just too many things to say and my emotions feel like someone's just used an egg beater on me. thoughts are swirling about and i totally dont know what to feel.

oh. i feel sad.

haha. i forgot. but not sad-sad. just ... a teeny weeny bit sad. how things have to always ALWAYS be this way. just because of my parents..?

and then thinking thru all this and how ee lin & i mentioned about the movie "my best friend's wedding" a couple days ago, it just makes me feel a bit scared how it'd all turn out to be. i might take julia roberts role in the future. but i really hope this doesnt happen. sigh.

...........sigh.

i totally cannot believe it. finding out about this just makes me feel so.........arghh!!!!! like why has it got to be this way!?!! and he has a girl now. and he treats me as a really good friend. not that i mind...but.. mmmm. a little bitchy secret. i always hoped (& still hope) things dont turn out right with his relationship. I cant help it. i dont know why. i'm supposed to be over him and all. but i feel sort of "happy" everytime i hear stuff that it's not workin out well, or they had an argument or whatever negative thing there is to it.

ARGH!!!

what is WRONG with me!? i dont even know what i want atm..!

But girls. this is really a msg to you. whenever you have girl instincts telling you somethin strongly, NEVER doubt it. i've had many MANY instincts before & so far, they've all proven to be true.

Last year. I always thought he was being a jerk cos he had feelings for me and being an ass was just to camouflage his feelings. this issue was discussed among some good friends of mine, all of us wondering what it was actually all about...but then all of them told me not to think too much. and i myself didnt want to think too much either. cos it could have been anything. it could've been he being an ass cos of me having feelings for him, and maybe being mean would help me "hate" him (which is actually his other reason). so yeah. i decided to narrow down the reason he was mean to me to only that. It's always safer to take the negative than the positive neway. so i just discarded the possibility (& my always bugging instincts) that he could've had feelings for me then.

UGHH. whatever. what am i even tlkin about?!

but seriously. sigh. my instincts have always been right. so far. not just this thing but with other issues as well. let's hope they'll always be right. i'd need to learn to trust my instincts from now onwards....

arghhhhhhhhh!!!! i could just continue to blab blab blab..........!

bang bang boom!

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!!!!!!!!

that's just what i've been doing.

ARGHHHHH!!!!

If only it was being busy with fun & games & social life. Oh, how i WISH!

Anyway, somethin really random but i guess there are still guys out there who are reeeeeeally nice & sweet & just...angels. For this, im not exaggerating. A friend of mine is actually working just so his gf can come to adelaide to see him. He's working FOR his gf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He doesnt need the cash, he's a well off person. He could survive anytime without working. But he's working just so to get his gf a plane ticket from malaysia to adelaide instead of using his parents' money (cos it's not exactly right to use yr parents' money to buy yr gf an expensive ticket).

Like, O-M-G!

I'd do anything to get a bf like this!!! He doesnt like working, (I mean who does?!) his time is wasted on working......like, he could just choose not to work. That's it. I'm still in awe everytime i think about it. The money he earns....gosh. If i worked, i would want to keep all that money to myself. Lol.

At least this friend of mine boosts the concept i have on guys. Gives me some HOPE that not all guys will be mindless jerks even in a relationship. ALL guys should follow his example. Or more like: if only majority of guys were like him then the world would be a better place to live in. hah.

Alright. Instead of tlkin about unnecessary things i should get back to my assignments.

At least there's an update with a new post.