EXHAUSTED!!!

I cant remember how exhausting it is clearing up every single thing in your room. Well, i dont think i recall ever clearing up my room before except the time when it came to pack up & leave penang for aus in the first place. & that packing was done in a span of....i dont know how many days. oh gosh. Packing up every single object in your room is heaps tiring!! & it really doesnt help when the weather is shit weather. It feels like autumn instead of spring going into summer. gosh. Where's the SUN!?! I need it! Was all happy when spring finally came & all but the sun kept disappearing =S Man, so much for wanting to "utilise" all my shorts. I'm still stuck in jackets. =( Oh well, only 2 more days to go before i get a lifetime of sun! =D but actually more like only 3 months (or more) of sun. Sun, sun, sunnnnn. Ah, i HATE this weather!! It makes you wanna sleep all day. & i was sposed to go out today to check out the honey my mom asked me to. lol. ended up sleeping the whole arvo away instead. oookay! a random post. much left to do! Next time you hear from me, i would've been back to where i belong!

FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!

AHHhhhhhh!!!!!!! I'm still having goosebumps all over...!!!!

BRrrrr bRrrrr BRrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Shit.

Ok, so i decided to go to magill to study tonight even though jen decided to bail on me. We were sposed to go there together to study. So anyway, i decided to go there since i've found it so HARD to study at home. Even though it meant having to take the bus & waste time waiting here & there, i figured this lost time could be off-set by being able to study much better over there than at home.

Everything was fine till i got there. The library which was sposed to close at 12am was CLOSED when i got there!!!!!! Defeated the whole purpose!!! SO i ended up studying at the computer pools. & it kinda got a lil eerie (freaky scene 1) when the other guy who was inside left & i was left all alone. Sigh. Decided to ignore the feeling & just study.

Figured i couldnt concentrate anymore & thought i'd better catch the next bus before i missed the last bus (which i wasnt even sure what time it was sposed to be) so i left at about 10pm cos the next bus was sposed to be at 10.05 or so i thought - cos i knew in the arvo that the bus comes every .05 minutes past the hour.

The walk to the bus stop was freaky as well (freaky scene 2) cos a previous memory came back to my mind where a friend gave me a scare & i started thinking all sorts of things!!! It was dark & you had to cut across a deserted parking lot to get to a street & continue walking down that street till you get to the main road. SIgh. Thank god for music on mobile phones. It distracts you even if a bit.

So then when i finally got to the bus stop & checked the timetable.......alas! The next bus was only at 10.39pm! The reason there was no 10.05pm bus (altho the previous hours there were) i should think was due to it being the last bus at 10.39pm. & it was 10.05pm then. So it meant having to wait for at least half an hour! GOsh. So i was all alone at the bus stop waiting for the bloody bus to come, every sec felt like an hour that sorta thing. The road was deserted except for the occasional cars passing by (freaky scene 3). I was starting to get soooooo agitated - if this is even the right word to describe. Or i should say jumpy. Road deserted, dark, alone at bus stop. Sigh. omgosh. When i found out the library was closed i already regretted even deciding to go to magill..!

Ok anyway, whilst waiting.....at 10.30pm. This taxi driver suddenly pulled up to the bus stop & shouted something out the window & i didnt bother paying attention to what he said, i just shook my head & waved a no - cos i thought he wanted to ask if i needed a taxi ride. But he still didnt drive off & continued shouting out the window. So then i went over to hear what he was actually saying & he was saying he could give me a free ride since he was heading to the city & that it was already late & that i still had to wait for the bus for a while. & i was thinking to myself "gosh, a free ride!!!! hell, why not!?" & in desperation, i got into the taxi, taking up that great offer! A FREE ride to the city! yEAAaaaahh!

But once i got into the taxi.........i tell you, i had goosebumps all over!! (freaky scene 4) Although Oz's sposed to be safe & everything, somehow everything i learned from back home came crashing into my memory. "NEVER FOLLOW A STRANGER HOME" Ok even though he's a taxi driver, still all those rape cases & EVERYTHING in malaysia totally scared the shit outta me!! OMG. I was SO freaked out in that taxi - more freaked out than thinking about supernatural/ghostly stuff while walking back earlier on. I mean, what if he drove off & took me somewhere else!?? AHHHhhhhhhh!!!!!! I just couldnt believe someone would offer a free ride JUST LIKE THAT! There was sure a price to pay! I was cursing myself inwardly for my STUPIDITY!!! & the taxi driver was from INDIA! Which made it even scarier when he's a MIGRANT! If he was an australian i wouldnt be scared shitless cos somehow aussies are...well, more trustable! OMG. Still feeling the goosebumps as i type now.

Anyhow, i tried to conceal my fear & since he talked to me, i also talked to him & just made normal conversation & everything...at the same time, looking out to see if he stayed on track & took the road that lead back to the city!! Ah, in the end, it seemed like he was a very good samaritan! Thank God I'm back home safe & typing this!!!!

........STILL HAVING GOOSEBUMPS!!!!!

Oh gosh. WHAT A NIGHT!!

Never again going to magill by myself!

something is WRONG

with ME.

I've been having so much trouble studying it's NOT funny.

I dont know why my brain simply isnt able to focus. & time's running out as it is. It's already my SWOT week. Gosh.

SOMETHING'S WRONG!!!

My brain had better kick-start & get back to normal operating capacity SOON!

or i'm screwed. like SCREWED!

It's EXAMS!! not just anything else. ahhhhh.......

hmmm.... =)

Wooohoooo! 2 entries in a day! hahaha.. Havent done this in a while. this is when i've got more important stuff to do (like study) but choose to waste time doing some other thing. yay! Fun fun! lol. i am sooooooooo demotivated & i sure as hell do not like the way things are heading!! But oh well, i'll still blog anyway!

Ahhhhhhhhh. What a greeeeeat day. LOL.

SIgh.

Anyways, how do you get someone you like to tell you they like you!? Ok, i know. What a weird question.

But really. My feelings for this particular person has been fluctuating so much, sometimes i dont even know what they are. It's like flipping the light switch on & off. ARGH! I wanna know what it is now!!

.............this post is just WEIRD.

It's cos im "bored". & pondering about this thing. hmmmmmmm. Since last year. LOL. Can you imagine?? hahaha. How interesting. Even i say so myself.

But really. (lol. just realised this is the second time im starting off a paragraph with "but really") yeah. well. This person could help me save myself from 'The Ass'. Or more like 'The Used-to-be Ass'. Since he's not that much of an ass now as he's changed. But i still wonder how much he's actually changed. I mean, once an ass always an ass right? Unless something outta A Walk to Remember happens & he totally changes from an ass to something heaps better then it's a whole different story.

Sooo yeah. THIS GUY. He's taking too long. Ok, maybe it's my fault as well. I seriously need to know what i want. Thing is, I. DON'T. KNOW.

Dyou know how much it sucks when you simply DONT know what you want?? I feel as if i dont know what i want most times. When it comes to career/studies (dunno why im doin accounting - cos i dunno what i want). Or.. i dont know. lol. I just dont know what i want most of the time. Even simple decisions. So then when it comes to a guy, no difference. I dont know what i want too.

Hmmmmmm. Pointless blog. & i cant believe how fast time flies when you're doing nice things!!! =''(

AHHHhhhhh....!!!!

I am still in shocked-surprised mode!

I can't believe my friends actually surprised me today..!! =DDD

Although it's still quite early before my actual, real birthday, it wouldnt have made a difference anyway since however i celebrate it (if i even were to celebrate), it'd either be a very early one or a very late one. All because my birthday falls during exam period this year. So no, i wasnt planning any celebration - even though turning 21 usually calls for a massive celebration. But I'll just change the rules. I mean there arent any rules in the first place which states you've gotta throw a big party on your 21st, right? It's just a norm to do that. Ok, i think by now i obviously sound like i'm trying to console myself. lol.

Ok, ok, anyway. Here's the story..!!

Since a week or so ago, ee lin & i were planning to go to Sushi Train for lunch today just to have a nice lunch out since we havent eaten yummy outside food in a while. So both of us have been looking fwd to today for this lunch!

...................

omg. i dont even know how to tell this story properly. The way everything unfolded....it was near-perfect!!! The situation & everything was so...NORMAL. Ok, i mean it IS a surprise. But i still cant believe how everything turned out to be like THAT. Too natural. lol. okok, i'm just not used to surprises; I havent had any for a verrry long time!

ANYWAY, both of us happened to miss the tram so we went there a tad later than planned. When we got to sushi train, ee lin spotted jen & yong over there & i was like, "what?! do those ppl come to sushi train every weekend or something!?" Cos last week, they had lunch there as well. So then, we joined them to eat - they were already halfway thru lunch having finished several sushi plates.. (Ah, still cant believe how unsuspecting it all was. LOL. Reminds me of one of Backstreet Boys' songs "Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon". hahahah. Totally fits the title for today!)

SO yeah, we all had fun eating & talking like a normal just-bumped-into-friends-&-joining-them kinda situation. Coincidentally, i swapped places with yong to sit on the inner side of the table so i could be near the sushi belt. So when he excused himself to go somewhere - i wasnt even paying attention cos we had some sorta girl talk going on there - & came back with a cake to the table, i was like..

WHATTT!!???!! OMG..!! omg...! (I dunno what else i said, lol. cant rmb, i was just sooooo surprised!!)

So yeah. Luckily i didnt actually TEAR. Almost teared but didnt. whew! The last time my friends surprised me for my..18th bday? Yeah, should be 18th. Yeah, her mom baked a cake & altho it was a get-together with a few close friends, i was sooo surprised when they brought the cake out & surprised me with it i actually teared up. lol. Glad i didnt tear in public with this one!

& it was then when the cake was sitting at the table & i was still in a daze that i realised that the whole thing was planned!! Mini, very-early 21st celebration but still a great one! Although 2 others couldnt make it & i dont think i'd be celebrating with my other bunch of friends, who cares anymore? lol. It really is more meaningful when you're with important ppl no matter how informal & impromptu the whole thing was. lol.

AH, i just LOVE surprises!!! Surprises of any kind & i'd take it with a BIG smile! lol.

A very very BIG THANK YOU to the mastermind behind this, ee lin, for planning this surprise lunch! *hugs again* =D After that incident & seeing that the cake was from The Cheesecake Shop did everything fall into place. Cos she's mentioned cakes from that shop once in a while, now seemingly to dig out info from me about which cheesecake i'd like. It's this shop we both discovered when we were sightseeing at Port Adelaide..& we were just totally captured by the cakes in that shop!! All yummy-lookin cheesecakes! Well, I got mine today! har har!!

Ah, at least a celebration. Better than none! =D

& here's the sequence of my shocked-surprised expressions caught on camera:

surprised pic no. 1

when the cake was brought over! my, i didnt know i look so fat & ugly when i'm surprised. lol!

surprised pic no.2

i have no clue what i was doin! wiping my mouth? lol

surprised pic no.3

trying to digest the whole thing & still not believing the whole bumping-into-them was planned!

the four of us

the yummy cake up close! it's called the jamaican cheesecake or something like that

All in all, a very very pleasant surprise which totally threw me off balance! lol. ok it's a metaphor. But i'm still going on & on about it.......gosh. LOVE SURPRISESSSSSSSSSSSssssssssss!!!!

"twisters"

No, i dont mean that KFC twister.

........

I simply CANNOT stand people who twist their words around..

Whether it being

• twisting their facts around to add extra "stuff" into the story even if those things are untrue;
• twisting their words and trying to beat around the bush to get away with some lame excuse;
• twisting what they said around after they've personally realised they're wrong/dont make sense yet they don't want to be wrong; or
• twisting everything into another whole different meaning just so they can be right - even though they started off with some other meaning (well, basically almost the same as previous point)

It is HELL annoying.

Too bad i know a few people who are actually "twisters". Sigh.

But then 'patience is a virtue', so it gives me a chance to at least work on that.

friends

Sometimes i just wonder this: "who the hell are my friends!?"

Ok, maybe for the obvious ones, I can really tell. Friends from high school, friends from church, friends you've known all those years back & all that.

But really, i should rephrase my question.

WHO THE HELL ARE MY REAL, TRUE FRIENDS??!

For crying out loud. Sometimes I just dont know. This, i'm talking from a "close friend" sort of perspective. Not just some acquaintance or friend, but someone who has known to a certain degree, the details of your life. Your secrets, dreams, hopes...THAT kinda friend.

I mean, i do know who they are. It's not like im saying i dont know who my real friends are at all. I do know a number of them whom i am VERY sure are my true friends. There's somehow a mutual feeling/trust/understanding & you just know he/she will be there for you or is thinking of you even if you dont keep in touch for a while.

But other than that..........the rest of them.......uh-uh. Clueless. Friends that go all the way back, friends you thought would always be there, friends you once thought were your BEST friend.. I dont know if we're even close anymore! Even though I always had this thought that they'd always have a space for you, i find myself doubting this thought now. Cos as they meet more people & form more friendships, you tend to be forgotten. Sad fact.

Maybe I'm just wrong & i think too much or whatever. But what happens when you've done yr part in trying to keep in touch & there isnt any response from the other side? Every single time it's always you being the one to initiate a keep-in-touch email/conversation/msg - & they might or might not reply to that. But even if they do reply, they never initiate.

So then, i wonder to myself, "Do i really have such an insignificant impact in their lives that they just dont bother so much?? Am i that insignificant?!". Seriously, i wonder this allll the time. ARGH. It's HEAPS frustrating i tell you. It's like chasing after a friendship(s) wondering if they still treat you as the friend you perceive the friendship to still be. But when they cant make time for you but you find out they can make time for others - that's when it hurts.

Sigh. Maybe i shouldnt bother anymore. It's just that I'm the type who simply hangs on to the past & memories that i cant bring myself to waste all those. But since they dont bother, i shouldnt waste my effort anymore right? It's just like trying to light a match which is wet. There wont be any fire. I'd rather use this effort to be with the friends i know are REAL. GRRRRRRRRR!

These real friends i know to be real had better stay real!!! I feel like im losing my friends. & that's why the constant thought about how much impact i actually have in my friends' lives to make me be remembered/forgotten.

ahh..yakking all my feelings in a post - havent done this in a while but sure feels gooooood.