Welcome To My Life!

EXHAUSTED!!!

2008-11-21T15:58:00.003+10:30

I cant remember how exhausting it is clearing up every single thing in your room. Well, i dont think i recall ever clearing up my room before except the time when it came to pack up & leave penang for aus in the first place. & that packing was done in a span of....i dont know how many days. oh gosh. Packing up every single object in your room is heaps tiring!! & it really doesnt help when the weather is shit weather. It feels like autumn instead of spring going into summer. gosh. Where's the SUN!?! I need it! Was all happy when spring finally came & all but the sun kept disappearing =S Man, so much for wanting to "utilise" all my shorts. I'm still stuck in jackets. =( Oh well, only 2 more days to go before i get a lifetime of sun! =D but actually more like only 3 months (or more) of sun. Sun, sun, sunnnnn. Ah, i HATE this weather!! It makes you wanna sleep all day. & i was sposed to go out today to check out the honey my mom asked me to. lol. ended up sleeping the whole arvo away instead. oookay! a random post. much left to do! Next time you hear from me, i would've been back to where i belong!

FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!

2008-11-04T23:05:00.003+10:30

AHHhhhhhh!!!!!!! I'm still having goosebumps all over...!!!!

BRrrrr bRrrrr BRrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Shit.

Ok, so i decided to go to magill to study tonight even though jen decided to bail on me. We were sposed to go there together to study. So anyway, i decided to go there since i've found it so HARD to study at home. Even though it meant having to take the bus & waste time waiting here & there, i figured this lost time could be off-set by being able to study much better over there than at home.

Everything was fine till i got there. The library which was sposed to close at 12am was CLOSED when i got there!!!!!! Defeated the whole purpose!!! SO i ended up studying at the computer pools. & it kinda got a lil eerie (freaky scene 1) when the other guy who was inside left & i was left all alone. Sigh. Decided to ignore the feeling & just study.

Figured i couldnt concentrate anymore & thought i'd better catch the next bus before i missed the last bus (which i wasnt even sure what time it was sposed to be) so i left at about 10pm cos the next bus was sposed to be at 10.05 or so i thought - cos i knew in the arvo that the bus comes every .05 minutes past the hour.

The walk to the bus stop was freaky as well (freaky scene 2) cos a previous memory came back to my mind where a friend gave me a scare & i started thinking all sorts of things!!! It was dark & you had to cut across a deserted parking lot to get to a street & continue walking down that street till you get to the main road. SIgh. Thank god for music on mobile phones. It distracts you even if a bit.

So then when i finally got to the bus stop & checked the timetable.......alas! The next bus was only at 10.39pm! The reason there was no 10.05pm bus (altho the previous hours there were) i should think was due to it being the last bus at 10.39pm. & it was 10.05pm then. So it meant having to wait for at least half an hour! GOsh. So i was all alone at the bus stop waiting for the bloody bus to come, every sec felt like an hour that sorta thing. The road was deserted except for the occasional cars passing by (freaky scene 3). I was starting to get soooooo agitated - if this is even the right word to describe. Or i should say jumpy. Road deserted, dark, alone at bus stop. Sigh. omgosh. When i found out the library was closed i already regretted even deciding to go to magill..!

Ok anyway, whilst waiting.....at 10.30pm. This taxi driver suddenly pulled up to the bus stop & shouted something out the window & i didnt bother paying attention to what he said, i just shook my head & waved a no - cos i thought he wanted to ask if i needed a taxi ride. But he still didnt drive off & continued shouting out the window. So then i went over to hear what he was actually saying & he was saying he could give me a free ride since he was heading to the city & that it was already late & that i still had to wait for the bus for a while. & i was thinking to myself "gosh, a free ride!!!! hell, why not!?" & in desperation, i got into the taxi, taking up that great offer! A FREE ride to the city! yEAAaaaahh!

But once i got into the taxi.........i tell you, i had goosebumps all over!! (freaky scene 4) Although Oz's sposed to be safe & everything, somehow everything i learned from back home came crashing into my memory. "NEVER FOLLOW A STRANGER HOME" Ok even though he's a taxi driver, still all those rape cases & EVERYTHING in malaysia totally scared the shit outta me!! OMG. I was SO freaked out in that taxi - more freaked out than thinking about supernatural/ghostly stuff while walking back earlier on. I mean, what if he drove off & took me somewhere else!?? AHHHhhhhhhh!!!!!! I just couldnt believe someone would offer a free ride JUST LIKE THAT! There was sure a price to pay! I was cursing myself inwardly for my STUPIDITY!!! & the taxi driver was from INDIA! Which made it even scarier when he's a MIGRANT! If he was an australian i wouldnt be scared shitless cos somehow aussies are...well, more trustable! OMG. Still feeling the goosebumps as i type now.

Anyhow, i tried to conceal my fear & since he talked to me, i also talked to him & just made normal conversation & everything...at the same time, looking out to see if he stayed on track & took the road that lead back to the city!! Ah, in the end, it seemed like he was a very good samaritan! Thank God I'm back home safe & typing this!!!!

........STILL HAVING GOOSEBUMPS!!!!!

Oh gosh. WHAT A NIGHT!!

Never again going to magill by myself!

something is WRONG

2008-11-04T00:16:00.002+10:30

with ME.

I've been having so much trouble studying it's NOT funny.

I dont know why my brain simply isnt able to focus. & time's running out as it is. It's already my SWOT week. Gosh.

SOMETHING'S WRONG!!!

My brain had better kick-start & get back to normal operating capacity SOON!

or i'm screwed. like SCREWED!

It's EXAMS!! not just anything else. ahhhhh.......

hmmm.... =)

2008-11-02T20:56:00.002+10:30

Wooohoooo! 2 entries in a day! hahaha.. Havent done this in a while. this is when i've got more important stuff to do (like study) but choose to waste time doing some other thing. yay! Fun fun! lol. i am sooooooooo demotivated & i sure as hell do not like the way things are heading!! But oh well, i'll still blog anyway!

Ahhhhhhhhh. What a greeeeeat day. LOL.

SIgh.

Anyways, how do you get someone you like to tell you they like you!? Ok, i know. What a weird question.

But really. My feelings for this particular person has been fluctuating so much, sometimes i dont even know what they are. It's like flipping the light switch on & off. ARGH! I wanna know what it is now!!

.............this post is just WEIRD.

It's cos im "bored". & pondering about this thing. hmmmmmmm. Since last year. LOL. Can you imagine?? hahaha. How interesting. Even i say so myself.

But really. (lol. just realised this is the second time im starting off a paragraph with "but really") yeah. well. This person could help me save myself from 'The Ass'. Or more like 'The Used-to-be Ass'. Since he's not that much of an ass now as he's changed. But i still wonder how much he's actually changed. I mean, once an ass always an ass right? Unless something outta A Walk to Remember happens & he totally changes from an ass to something heaps better then it's a whole different story.

Sooo yeah. THIS GUY. He's taking too long. Ok, maybe it's my fault as well. I seriously need to know what i want. Thing is, I. DON'T. KNOW.

Dyou know how much it sucks when you simply DONT know what you want?? I feel as if i dont know what i want most times. When it comes to career/studies (dunno why im doin accounting - cos i dunno what i want). Or.. i dont know. lol. I just dont know what i want most of the time. Even simple decisions. So then when it comes to a guy, no difference. I dont know what i want too.

Hmmmmmm. Pointless blog. & i cant believe how fast time flies when you're doing nice things!!! =''(

AHHHhhhhh....!!!!

2008-11-02T15:07:00.004+10:30

I am still in shocked-surprised mode!

I can't believe my friends actually surprised me today..!! =DDD

Although it's still quite early before my actual, real birthday, it wouldnt have made a difference anyway since however i celebrate it (if i even were to celebrate), it'd either be a very early one or a very late one. All because my birthday falls during exam period this year. So no, i wasnt planning any celebration - even though turning 21 usually calls for a massive celebration. But I'll just change the rules. I mean there arent any rules in the first place which states you've gotta throw a big party on your 21st, right? It's just a norm to do that. Ok, i think by now i obviously sound like i'm trying to console myself. lol.

Ok, ok, anyway. Here's the story..!!

Since a week or so ago, ee lin & i were planning to go to Sushi Train for lunch today just to have a nice lunch out since we havent eaten yummy outside food in a while. So both of us have been looking fwd to today for this lunch!

...................

omg. i dont even know how to tell this story properly. The way everything unfolded....it was near-perfect!!! The situation & everything was so...NORMAL. Ok, i mean it IS a surprise. But i still cant believe how everything turned out to be like THAT. Too natural. lol. okok, i'm just not used to surprises; I havent had any for a verrry long time!

ANYWAY, both of us happened to miss the tram so we went there a tad later than planned. When we got to sushi train, ee lin spotted jen & yong over there & i was like, "what?! do those ppl come to sushi train every weekend or something!?" Cos last week, they had lunch there as well. So then, we joined them to eat - they were already halfway thru lunch having finished several sushi plates.. (Ah, still cant believe how unsuspecting it all was. LOL. Reminds me of one of Backstreet Boys' songs "Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon". hahahah. Totally fits the title for today!)

SO yeah, we all had fun eating & talking like a normal just-bumped-into-friends-&-joining-them kinda situation. Coincidentally, i swapped places with yong to sit on the inner side of the table so i could be near the sushi belt. So when he excused himself to go somewhere - i wasnt even paying attention cos we had some sorta girl talk going on there - & came back with a cake to the table, i was like..

WHATTT!!???!! OMG..!! omg...! (I dunno what else i said, lol. cant rmb, i was just sooooo surprised!!)

So yeah. Luckily i didnt actually TEAR. Almost teared but didnt. whew! The last time my friends surprised me for my..18th bday? Yeah, should be 18th. Yeah, her mom baked a cake & altho it was a get-together with a few close friends, i was sooo surprised when they brought the cake out & surprised me with it i actually teared up. lol. Glad i didnt tear in public with this one!

& it was then when the cake was sitting at the table & i was still in a daze that i realised that the whole thing was planned!! Mini, very-early 21st celebration but still a great one! Although 2 others couldnt make it & i dont think i'd be celebrating with my other bunch of friends, who cares anymore? lol. It really is more meaningful when you're with important ppl no matter how informal & impromptu the whole thing was. lol.

AH, i just LOVE surprises!!! Surprises of any kind & i'd take it with a BIG smile! lol.

A very very BIG THANK YOU to the mastermind behind this, ee lin, for planning this surprise lunch! *hugs again* =D After that incident & seeing that the cake was from The Cheesecake Shop did everything fall into place. Cos she's mentioned cakes from that shop once in a while, now seemingly to dig out info from me about which cheesecake i'd like. It's this shop we both discovered when we were sightseeing at Port Adelaide..& we were just totally captured by the cakes in that shop!! All yummy-lookin cheesecakes! Well, I got mine today! har har!!

Ah, at least a celebration. Better than none! =D

& here's the sequence of my shocked-surprised expressions caught on camera:

surprised pic no. 1

when the cake was brought over! my, i didnt know i look so fat & ugly when i'm surprised. lol!

surprised pic no.2

i have no clue what i was doin! wiping my mouth? lol

surprised pic no.3

trying to digest the whole thing & still not believing the whole bumping-into-them was planned!

the four of us

the yummy cake up close! it's called the jamaican cheesecake or something like that

All in all, a very very pleasant surprise which totally threw me off balance! lol. ok it's a metaphor. But i'm still going on & on about it.......gosh. LOVE SURPRISESSSSSSSSSSSssssssssss!!!!

"twisters"

2008-10-30T21:09:00.002+10:30

No, i dont mean that KFC twister.

........

I simply CANNOT stand people who twist their words around..

Whether it being

twisting their facts around to add extra "stuff" into the story even if those things are untrue;
twisting their words and trying to beat around the bush to get away with some lame excuse;
twisting what they said around after they've personally realised they're wrong/dont make sense yet they don't want to be wrong; or
twisting everything into another whole different meaning just so they can be right - even though they started off with some other meaning (well, basically almost the same as previous point)

It is HELL annoying.

Too bad i know a few people who are actually "twisters". Sigh.

But then 'patience is a virtue', so it gives me a chance to at least work on that.

friends

2008-10-29T17:30:00.004+10:30

Sometimes i just wonder this: "who the hell are my friends!?"

Ok, maybe for the obvious ones, I can really tell. Friends from high school, friends from church, friends you've known all those years back & all that.

But really, i should rephrase my question.

WHO THE HELL ARE MY REAL, TRUE FRIENDS??!

For crying out loud. Sometimes I just dont know. This, i'm talking from a "close friend" sort of perspective. Not just some acquaintance or friend, but someone who has known to a certain degree, the details of your life. Your secrets, dreams, hopes...THAT kinda friend.

I mean, i do know who they are. It's not like im saying i dont know who my real friends are at all. I do know a number of them whom i am VERY sure are my true friends. There's somehow a mutual feeling/trust/understanding & you just know he/she will be there for you or is thinking of you even if you dont keep in touch for a while.

But other than that..........the rest of them.......uh-uh. Clueless. Friends that go all the way back, friends you thought would always be there, friends you once thought were your BEST friend.. I dont know if we're even close anymore! Even though I always had this thought that they'd always have a space for you, i find myself doubting this thought now. Cos as they meet more people & form more friendships, you tend to be forgotten. Sad fact.

Maybe I'm just wrong & i think too much or whatever. But what happens when you've done yr part in trying to keep in touch & there isnt any response from the other side? Every single time it's always you being the one to initiate a keep-in-touch email/conversation/msg - & they might or might not reply to that. But even if they do reply, they never initiate.

So then, i wonder to myself, "Do i really have such an insignificant impact in their lives that they just dont bother so much?? Am i that insignificant?!". Seriously, i wonder this allll the time. ARGH. It's HEAPS frustrating i tell you. It's like chasing after a friendship(s) wondering if they still treat you as the friend you perceive the friendship to still be. But when they cant make time for you but you find out they can make time for others - that's when it hurts.

Sigh. Maybe i shouldnt bother anymore. It's just that I'm the type who simply hangs on to the past & memories that i cant bring myself to waste all those. But since they dont bother, i shouldnt waste my effort anymore right? It's just like trying to light a match which is wet. There wont be any fire. I'd rather use this effort to be with the friends i know are REAL. GRRRRRRRRR!

These real friends i know to be real had better stay real!!! I feel like im losing my friends. & that's why the constant thought about how much impact i actually have in my friends' lives to make me be remembered/forgotten.

ahh..yakking all my feelings in a post - havent done this in a while but sure feels gooooood.

lalalaaaa.....

2008-10-10T17:31:00.003+10:30

Funny how there seems to be SO many other things to do when it comes down to doin work.

You suddenly realise you haven't paid your rent, so you go to online banking & transfer cash & then get to that rent website to pay online.

Then you also realise you havent calculated the total of last month's expenditure - so you take out the calculator & start calculating.....& then get disappointed at yrself for going over the monthly budget.

Then you just have to check facebook to see what's new even though you've just checked a few minutes ago.

Then there's the urge to chat with friends even though you talk to them all the time.

& that's why im also blogging now.

Hooray!!!

Anything to escape reading work/life-shitty-balance articles.

Oh well, i'd better get back to reading it or i'll be screwed!.........which i already am.

counting the days

2008-10-09T01:01:00.003+10:30

Once i finish this last assignment which is due this monday, i know the days will zoooooom by quickly!

Even though it means having to study my ass off for exams ONCE MORE, it just means the days are drawing nearer to when i get to the airport!! whooooo!!! i loveeeeeee going to the airport - only if it means taking off to some other place where fun awaits!

ahhhhhhhhh!

totally cant wait for summer break this year. craving everything it has to offer 10 times more than i did last year! yeeeeeeeeha!

dum-be-dee-dum-dum

okay time to sleep

Kuda Gila

2008-10-04T21:28:00.002+09:30

Which literally translates into Crazy Horse. lol.

& that's the name of the strip club I went to last night.

How ever did this come about? lol. it's pretty funny actually. Very very impromptu. It's cos i've been "excitement deprived" lately & whilst tlkin to jen online she jokingly suggested that i should go to madame mozelle's or some sort like that (we later found out the name's actually madame josephine when we went last nite lol). That's a male strip club which is just beside Crazy Horse.

ANyWay, her joke hatched into a plan - since both of us havent been to a strip club before, we decided to do something since we had nothing on last night. Thus, decided to go to Crazy Horse which is a female strip club - instead of the male one. Since Crazy Horse is also more popular.

So yeah. Her housemate (who decided at the very last minute to follow us cos he's already been before), she & I headed over to Crazy Horse before 9pm last night. It was a strict "rule" to go there before 9 cos I found out from my friend that entry's free if you enter before 9. & i DEFINITELY wanted to get in for free - that was the whole purpose. Cos i obviously do not want to pay to see naked girls when I myself look about the same, naked. Ok maybe not so, since those girls have more assets than I do but you get my drift. I didnt want to waste money on that.

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Guess what!!! I was soooooooo annoyed I had to waste 15 freakin dollars for entry last nite!!!! I was sooo "arghhhh!" so i asked the girl why we had to pay & when the free entry actually was? & she says,"Oh, it's free every night actually. It's just that the boss wanted entry fee this weekend cos it's a 4-day weekend". LIKE WTH!!!! ARghhhhhh. So much for wanting to save!!

Ok, so what's happened already happened. Moving on.

It's quite typical really, like those you see in movies. The setting & all. Basically it looks like a model runway. Just a runway with poles here & there. I wasnt exactly very excited or...whatever-feeling-it's-sposed-to-be when seeing those strippers coming out. It just felt normal like i've seen all & been there before. LOL. Don't ask me why, i dont know why either. The strippers all come out one by one, individually, perform their thang for a few minutes, leave & then another would come out & so on.

Some strippers were really hot. They've got awesome bods - makes me want to work harder to achieve mine. lol. I'm still workin on it. Dont know how/when i got into this phase to want to get a great bod with as little fat as possible.. & abs..hm. But seeing all those really made me want to get it!!!! I'm quite surprised tho, that there were some strippers who were quite plump & not that tall too. Those were an eyesore..Like really. Wth man, exposing yr body to the public when you're not in good shape at all. gosh..

Anyhow, jen's hsemate decided to purchase this..dont know what you call it, but we were all sitting close to the 'runway' & most of the guys there bought money from the waitress - it's this wad of fake cash you use to pay those strippers to have them do "something" to you. Imagine the casino. Paying real money, to get fake money, then using that fake money to win (or lose in the gambling sense lol). SO yeah, the guys there all hold out those notes & when the stripper comes about, they'll get a "boob wash". lol.

& yeah jen's hsemate bought 10 bucks worth & he used up only a bit & was asking us to help him finish it off. & i was caught off guard. When the stripper came over to our section he paid her & pointed at ME! like omg. even tho there was a girl there who also had a "boob wash" it's still embarrassing & i totally didnt want it. But then even refusing, everyone was being expectant & there were this 2 guys near us who cheered so in the end i had to put my face to some stripper's boobs & let her jingle it all over my face. LOL. Se-rious-ly. I wonder how guys get so much excitement from these things it amazes me. But it was an experience tho, at least something intersting to do rather than staying home.

Jen actually got her "boob wash" first, followed by me. So actually, i wasnt really caught off guard - since i KNEW that guy was gonna make us help him finish off his "money"!!!! sheesh!

Still, i'll just take it as some experience. hehehe. & when we had the "boob wash", at least the stripper was still half clothed - as in bikini mode. So we ddint have to put our face to bare breasts. lol. whew.

So that's just the account of the once-off event. Just so you know what a strip club is like. Thanks to jen for bringin that idea up, at least now i've been to a strip club. HAR HAR HAR...! & might as well seize the opportunity since home doesnt offer things like this =)

woop woop!

2008-09-26T17:38:00.002+09:30

I had the most AMAZING swim i've ever had this arvo.

I cant even rmb when was the last time i had sucha good swim - if ever.

It might be the best swim i've had so far in my life, who knows. lol.

I decided to go swimming today because i just had this...."thing" to want to go swimming since a while ago & i havent gone till now. Since the weather was at its hottest today, i just decided to seize the day! Even if it meant going on my own! =D I think going on yr own is actually better. You dont fool around with yr friends (like what happened the times i went with friends) & there's more motivation to actually do laps than play funny-weird-fun games with yr friends in the pool. hahaha.

Anyway, the walk to the adelaide aquatic centre - where the pool is - was about 30minutes from the apmt. I took this as my warm up. Damn. It was soo bloody hot though. Felt like summer!! By the time i got there i actually felt tired already..!

Butttt..once i got into the pool.....decided to make use of the $5.60 worth of my money. lol. That's the fee you gotta pay to use the pool. SIgh. After today, i realised how much i miss swimming. damn. But that's not the interesting part. The interesting part was that i did 30 laps in an hour.

...............

I still cant believe it myself!!! hahaha. I dont think ive ever done this many in an hour before, back home. The most i've gone to was 20 i think?? mann..I'm soooooo amazed by my own achievement. lol. & the thing was, i wasnt really tired at all. Even after the swim, it felt as if i havent done any exercise today. How WEIRD. Just to test how far i could go, i decided to see how long i could do laps without stopping. After the 5th lap, i felt like i could still do an extra. I was sooooo baffled!!! Dunno if it's me, or if it's the pool. lol. At psc, after 1 lap, i'd already feel tired & i ALWAYS had to take a few mins' rest in btw 2 laps the least. But.....5 laps non-stop. omg. How did i do that???! It's either due to me having a super weird-good form today or my dancing everyday has really given me die-hard stamina i never knew i could have. LOL.

Hmmm, the only way to find out is to go swimming again...!

weird parents...

2008-09-21T16:34:00.002+09:30

I was at mass this morning when this family walked in a bit late & sat about 3 pews away from where i was sitting. The family caught my attention because

they were late (obviously) & they were in clear view from where i sat
the kids were so adorable. esp the youngest girl. they had 2 girls & 1 son. Age gap all very close..say oldest about 4-5? i rkn the oldest was the girl followed by the boy. or maybe it was the boy first followed by the 2 girls. but anyway, they had beautiful children
the kids couldnt sit still and the daughters kept tlkin to the mom. the son was the quietest & most well-behaved
the dad looked as if he didnt know what to do/handle the kids - he kept lookin at the mom in silent question like he was waiting for the mom to tell him what to do that at first, i wondered if he was actually their dad or the mom's bf or something
the mom kept fussing over the kids. most of the time all 3 kids were well-behaved, they had magic pens & sat down to draw/colour stuff. but it seemed as tho the mom was trying to get her kids to be MORE well-behaved. =S even tho the daughters werent talking or anything she kept putting her finger to her lips to ask them to keep quiet. i think she did that gesture about...almost 10 times maybe? i dunno i saw it sooo often.

All in all, it was a helluva DISTRACTION. Look at the number of things i've observed!! lol. Seriously, instead of concentrating in mass i think the mom was concentrating more on her kids than anything else. & instead of her kids making most of the movements (how they cant sit still) it felt as if the mom contributed to most of the movements!!! That's why it kinda made me lose focus as well as they were soooo distracting. She kinda reminded me of Rebecca Bloomwood from Shopaholic & Baby. lol. Like, seriously!! She seemed as though she was showing off her kids, fussing over them the ENTIRE mass..! If they were naughty, itd be a different thing. But like i said, the mom contributed to most of the distraction! Gosh. Totally weird. I wonder how much of the mass she even paid attention to.

& the dad was also weird. lol. like i mentioned above already. Because the 2 daughters were sitting in btw the mom & the dad, whenever the dad asked the mom stg they had to talk over their daughters. Then in the end, it seemed like their discussion was over taking the youngest to the toilet cos then the dad got up & brought her out in the middle of mass. like what the..lol. The dad seemed so clueless. I definitely hope my husband wouldnt be like this next time. Gosh. Damn distracting.

But gotta say it was a beautiful family. Modern fashionable parents & the 3 children. That's why as said, the scene reeeeeally reminded me of the novel. lol. That whole fuss over her children. Those who've read shopaholic & baby would know what Rebecca Bloomwood did after she had her baby. lol. I wonder if there's another shopaholic sequel...

WYD

2008-09-20T23:05:00.003+09:30

Yep, i'm finally getting down to it. My LONG overdue post. Been really lazy to blog these days. But anyway, here's the account (a VERRRRRRRY summarized one) of what we did during WYD.

Day 1, 15 July 2008: The first place we went was to St.Mary's, the oldest cathedral in Sydney. The first day was pretty much free, the only big event we had was the opening mass at Barangaroo, celebrated by Cardinal George Pell, the archbishop of Sydney. There was a concert at night (in which Guy Sebastian & Paulini performed too) after the mass with amazing fireworks which lasted for a reeally long time! Seriously was a fantastic conclusion to the concert.

St. Mary's cathedral

the interior of the church

the crowd at barangaroo before opening mass

the screen where we watched the mass taking place

guy sebastian!

some of the fireworks after the concert. that thing there is the stage where the mass took place & also the concert

Day 2, 16th July 2008: We had a catechesis session first thing in the morning. All of us had to walk to a nearest church from where we were allocated our accommodation at Blacktown (which was 30mins by train from city! imagine having to travel like this everyday!!), and then listen to a homily/sermon for 3 hours by different bishops from different parts of the world per morning. That is, each morning there would be a different bishop we'd have to listen to. Had this catechesis session for 3 mornings in a row. There was a SA gathering after that, all of us (our parish group) had to take the bus to some suburb from the city where ALL pilgrims from South Australia would gather for a mass. It was there that we met & made some friends with our fellow Adelaideans.

We had the day free after that to go for any Youth Festival activities. These activities were also a 3-day thing whereby there were forums/workshops/concerts/talks..(whatever it was) which lasted thruout the day & you could attend whatever you wanted to attend if you've got free time (when there were no major group activities with the parish group, you could go do yr own stuff with yr own group of ppl). We couldnt really attend that many as most of the time we had other activities on so usually it was only at night that we could go for the Youth Festival stuf. That night we went for a talk by Christopher West. He was reeeeally a talented guy & a funny one too! Topic was damn interesting - about the Theology of the Body. hehee. Was very good. There was a mini concert before his talk & ah. what can i say. Every second being in a crowd filled with ppl with the same religion just..it was so overwhelming. & the excitement & enthusiasm you see in everyone was amazing! Had fun doing the popular "wave" before the talk began.

this was how we slept at our accommodation (a school) at blacktown

where we showered. ho ho ho. thank god there was even hot water!!

the catechesis session

at the SA gathering

Day 3, 17th July 2008: The BIG day! When Pope Benedict XVI appeared on screen in person. lol! Since we were too far from the stage anyway, what could be seen was him on screen. Well, better than nothing..! Esp when everytime we were lucky enough to be allocated to areas where we had the big screen right in front of us! good view. Spent the day at Barangaroo again, with catechesis in the morning before that. Whole arvo was spent with the pope giving speeches in the many different languages he knew - i forgot how many. After that at night, we all went to listen to Christopher's talk again. lol. Couldnt resist, it was too interesting! Anyway, the one there was on that night was a sequel to the one we went before today. A just-as-interesting Part 2 of the Theology of the Body.

everyone waving & cheering as the pope's boat-a-cade came in

those pilgrims who got to be on the same boat as him were lucky!

the pope mobile. some mercedes i-dunno-what model which apparently zooms by very fast

pope waving from the pope mobile

a few of us. oooh that's me right in the middle!! look look!

Day 4, 18th July 2008: Catechesis in the morning as usual followed by Barangaroo again. Most of the events were held at this place. Stations of the Cross was on the whole arvo, it's the depiction of the final hours of Jesus & the devotion commemorating the Passion. There were actors acting representing the scenes at the Passion of Christ. (& i am so jealous cos my bro got to take a pic with the main actors post WYD!!! - I havta say 'Jesus' was quite cute! & with my bro's caption under his pic, it was sorta true the actor looked a bit like j.timberlake!! lol. He was a volunteer for WYD and volunteers get lotsa "access" to things we normal pilgrims dont have access to. They even got a 'private' session with the pope, all the volunteers only post WYD =( ). ANYWAY, at night there was a concert again, part of Youth Festivals. Hillsongs performed, Matt something performed & a few others I didnt really know. Atmosphere was awesome, everyone singing in one voice!

Day 5, 19th July 2008: Was a reeeeeally tiring day. We had to walk from the city to a suburb called Randwick where we slept out in the racecourse that night. It was a 10km walk = 4+ hours!, so you can imagine how tired we all were having to lug our sleeping bags & all the other necessities for a night out in an open, HUGE field. Had an evening vigil that night & it was simply splendid. Every pilgrim had their candles lit & you could just see hundreds & thousands of lit candles in an open field stretching as far as the eye could see...After the vigil, there was a concert again. hehe. Full of song most of the time. & it was great fun! All of us were dancing & there were those Irish(?) kinds of music where all of us linked arms & skipped in circles..those polka kinda dances if you get what i mean. The night was freezing cold, so we danced ourselves warm! hahaa. In the end, i had to take off my layers of clothing. All of us slept camp-style that night - some pilgrims even had tents pitched up. Was a memorable night, first time doing such myself, camping out in the open, cold, winter night. Sadly there wasnt a single star in the night sky. lol.

our parish group - some werent inside as they were still busy eating brekkie - shortly before we left blacktown to head to the city for the walk

walked on the famous sydney harbour bridge, roads all closed specially for us!

not a single empty space spotted!

upon reaching randwick racecourse. already buzzing with activity

candlelight vigil

Day 6, 20th July 2008: It's WYD! Yea, WYD's actually supposed to be this day, the last day & on a Sunday where we celebrated mass with the Pope. Nothing much, just mass then had to walk back the way we came from, except that we were able to take the train home halfway through. I would have died if we were to walk back allllllll the way!! The whole thing ended at about past noon, a few of us went to chinatown for a late lunch & then headed back to Blacktown.

Finito for WYD week. Post Wyd, it was Bondi Beach & Blue Mountains & headed back to boring ol adelaide 2 days after. That's it!! YAY for this post!!!! *whew* If interested to see more pics, they're all on facebook. Too many of them.

Ahh i'm just glad i managed to finally get this post out of my drafts section -_-

woooooooops!!

2008-08-30T21:40:00.002+09:30

I have been SOOOOOOO extremely lazy not only to update my blog but to also check out friends' blogs...! Dont know why. Suddenly am having this stay-away-from-blogs attitude. Just been super duper lazy. lol. I know I was supposed to post about WYD & till now i havent. The post is actually almost finished but god knows how long it's been sitting in my drafts. Oh well. I really cbb finishing off, i just dont have the 'motivation' to blog at all!!

Hmmmm...this has got some sorta deja vu feeling. lol. Exactly what happened to my earlier xanga blog i had. I just lost all motivation to blog at one point that i simply had to close off that blog cos it was heaps outdated. I think the feeling's striking once again..........! uh oh...

Anyhowwww, I will finish off that WYD post soon. I dont know exactly what my "soon" will mean, but yeah. It'll be soon. tee-hee. Plus now the internet sucks so bad, i dont even want to try uploading photos. Might get too frustrated till i accidentally 'die'.

That's it for now.

Till my next post....!

FINALLY!

2008-08-03T17:20:00.002+09:30

I can safely say i'm alright. After a week of misery. sigh. Thank God for that as tutorials and uni "really" start this week. Even though uni's already begun last week it was just the first week, so nothing much. But this week is when the sem really begins..if you get what i mean. Thanks to those who asked after my health & everything. =)

Anyway, about the whole sydney thing, yes i did recover too, just right before WYD! I got freaked out cos the morning when i went to the airport, i still had diarrhoea at the airport!! Luckily tho, after taking some medicine for diarrhoea (next time you have diarrhoea, take imodium! very effective medicine!!), my diarrhoea totally stopped & all i was left with was just my bloated stomach & difficulty burping - as usual -_- But then again, thankfully, i was fine & my appetite all came back on the 14th (i left to syd on the 13th) & i was back to normal just in time for WYD which started on 15th. Everything went well from there. Praise God for that. whew.

Well, what can i say about WYD? It was a reeeeally amazing experience, a once in a lifetime moment..well, that is if i dont attend another WYD anymore. Wonder if i'll end up in madrid in 2011. lol. That's where the next WYD is hosted. Spain! Guess should give it a go if i've got money & if my bro/friends are all going. Or rather, at that point in 2011, it'll be if work will allow me flexibility (cant imagine myself working yet!!). After all, spain's one of the must-go countries which i've missed out on when in europe. SOoo...pretty good excuse ayy?? We'll see about that. Digressing now. Ok. Back to what i said earlier. It was simply awesome and heart-warming to see everyone from all corners of the world gather together for one event to celebrate the same faith. Seriously. There are still hundreds & thousands of youth out there who actually care bout their religion..!! whew!! It's sucha relief, really. I wonder where all the youths are when i attend church though. What a major contrast. Or is it because australian catholics 'have other things to do' and dont practise their faith. or watever. Or maybe the mass i attend is different from the mass the youths would go to which is in the evening. ha. no clue.

The sad part about WYD was that i didnt really get much out of it. Not spiritually. The fun was there, that's a definite thing. It was all fun & "party" & concerts & stuff. But i was really sad & disappointed cos i didnt reap anything to do with my faith. I wanted to at least feel something. Something that would make me grow stronger in faith or closer to God or ..that kinda stuff yknow?? but sadly, i got nothing. & i think that's because i was with a group of friends who wanted more than anything to meet people. Sure, i wanted to meet loads of ppl as well & make friends & have fun but that wasn't my main agenda with this whole thing about WYD. In the first place, WYD's supposed to be a pilgrimage. I wanted to achieve something spiritually. That was my main purpose, instead of wanting so bad to meet other people & all. Sigh. I guess that was what held me back & not allow me to achieve what i wanted to. Oh well. But what's over is over. At least i got a taste of what WYD is all about.

Will be posting up some pics in my next post & write more about WYD & the events then. Now, i gotta shower & make dinner. bah. After all the holidays & the non-cooking weeks, cooking has become a lil like a chore. lol. i'm so lazy to cook now..!!

=(

2008-07-30T18:06:00.002+09:30

Why is it that 2nd sem always gets depressing compared to 1st sem. I dont get it. Last year 1st sem was a blast, everything was fun, fun, fun. Same goes for this year. Then now that 2nd sem has started, i'm starting to feel depressed again like how i was the 2nd sem of last year. But i guess this depression is prolly due to how sick i am now. Hopefully when i recover it wouldnt be so bad anymore...?

Sigh. I am physically drained of energy. So much for feeling great during the sydney trip after feeling "sick" before going on the trip. ARGH. So damn annoying having to fall sick AGAIN after the trip. It's horrible..!! It's been more than 1 week already having a cold & as usual a super blocked nose that had to force me breathe thru my mouth instead. This then caused me to have wind in my stomach. Now, i'm suffering from a cold, stomach wind & difficulty burping & constant headaches & something out of place somewhere. I feel half-dead. ='(

Why is it that some ppl can burp so easily without even having to try!? I wish i was them. haih. Having this problem since last year is really..... FRUSTRATING. If there was something to explain more than frustrating. Even drinking warm water doesnt help me. Burping is so hard, i tell you. It only happens after having to rub my stomach or my back or swinging my hands or stg...sigh. How could it be so hard when ee lin could burp so many times just by drinking a cup of milk!? I really wish i could be her! boohooohooo. I am so depressed & anti-social right now. I think it's the wind in my stomach that's making me have a funny feeling in my head cos of the pressure or watever. Super sick. If i've got a cold minus the wind & the headache i'll still be fine. But not with everything...

.....

2008-07-12T21:47:00.003+09:30

i feel like a balloon that i wish there was some sort of needle that could puncture somewhere in my stomach to let all the air out. Sniff. I feel SO terribly bloated that i'll only be ok if i burp as often as possible. To make matters worse, i find it hard to burp. But at least i even get to burp. Sigh. SOOOOOOO shittttyyyyy.......!!! Then again, i really thank god that my diarrhoea has passed but i really hope this mega-bloated-full-of-wind-in-my-stomach feeling will go away soon!!! It is SO friggin uncomfortable i cant even breathe or walk properly. Seriously, if i tried walking with a straight posture, i would waddle a little. I feel like a pregnant woman, the only difference is carrying wind instead of a baby. I'd rather carry a baby than to carry "wind" which is just so useless and causing more discomfort than carrying a baby would even feel. I wouldnt exactly know this bit but even if carrying a baby would give you discomfort, it'll still be more worthwhile. Get what i mean??? Sheesh. I really hope everything will be fine in sydney. 9 more hours till i leave for the airport. Is that supposed to be good or what??? I just hope this thing doesnt ruin my holiday-cum-pilgrimage. But with God, NOTHING is impossible. So i should just trust & believe that i'll be ok, then i'll be ok. RIghT?? Right. Still, i need prayers so i'll really be ok-ok..! Bah. Hate going on holiday when there's something not right with yr health.......

=|

2008-07-11T22:51:00.002+09:30

I'm leaving for sydney in less than 2 days & i cannot stop going to the toilet today!!!

I dont even know wth is the cause of this!! What do i even have to pass out if i've already passed everything out - at least i think so? I mean, tell me. If you eat just 3 small main meals & go to the toilet bout 5-6 times, what do you have left to pass out!??! ARGH!!! At least i dont have any stomachache. =S Guess that's the only plus side to it. Gotta fish for the positive sometimes.

But goshhh...i really hope i'll be ok by tomoro man...sigh. I truly hope & pray so. ='(

my new hobby

2008-07-04T17:59:00.003+09:30

IS walking.

i've been walking & walking & i've almost covered all the main horizontal streets in the map. lol. Now all that's left for me to cover of adelaide city is the vertical streets & just 1 more horizontal st.

Hopefully all this walking will really help me lose weight =S Fat's been piling on my stomach even tho i havent been snacking on unhealthy stuff for a while. Which is rather weird...Come to think of it, havent really been snacking at all. Oh well. Need to work harder. I miss PSC gym. sigh. But with the petrol price gone up, i wonder how often i can even drive to psc when i get back end of the year!

ahh. my new resolution is to walk for at least 1-2hrs per day. Ever since i finished exams i've been walking at least 1 hr plus per day. So gotta keep up with this. hahaa. & i've discovered so many things in the city i never knew were even there. Havent been along some streets before, even. And morning walks are so refreshing esp now it's been really sunny. Great weather these days.. mmmm.

right. will continue to walk & walk & walk...

scraping & recycling

2008-07-02T12:04:00.006+09:30

Two different unrelated things. Since i've got all the time in the world, i decided to write about this. lol. I'm suddenly blogging so often arent i?? =D

i cant make a space btw my 2 paragraphs that i have to write stg!

First off with scraping. Must be wondering what i actually mean by that. But the word is basically just the word itself, and if you link it with food, maybe you'd have a better idea of what scraping is all about in my point of view. haha. It's just one of the weird (or unique perhaps?) things i enjoy doing besides the restaurant list and other bunch of weird things i might enjoy doing. lol. I think i learned more about myself having to live on my own & everything. Although before i came here, i already had the habit of scraping everything off my plate leaving it empty & clean after a meal (something i inherited from my dad), i never thought i'd enjoy scraping jars/bottles which are nearly empty. I just get the satisfaction of seeing the bottle becoming cleaner with every scrape & it's also very enjoyable being able to taste the little leftovers that's left in the bottle. The only setback is having the scraping hand aching after the job's completed.

I got to do some scraping this morning cos our Nutino (stg we decided to try out instead of Nutella - it tastes just like Choki-choki!! that choc strip we used to suck on when we were kids!) was nearly finished.

halfway thru the process

scraping done!

As for the recycling, i guess it only started thanks to exam period when we ate home a lot and had heaps of recyclable stuff littering the floor near the rubbish bin. Usually, we'd throw them all away together with the rubbish cos it'd be usually only 2-3 things which wasnt worth walkin to the recycling bin near our place. But cos it was exam period, our trash wasnt exactly full and we didnt want to throw the rubbish away so quickly when it wasnt full yet, thus, decided to pack all the recyclables into its own bags to provide space in the rubbish bin for other wet, dirty non-recyclable things. & since then, i think our recycling habit will be on-going. Which i am glad for =D

My mom instilled this recycling habit into me - something she started on not too long ago when i was in the later years of high school - that when i got here, i just HAD to recycle all my notes & papers from uni even if it meant having to walk to uni just to dump it all into the recycling bin. I just wish there was a recycling bin nearer our place!! Luckily there's one only a 3-min stroll away but that's still only for glass/plastic/cans. Wonder why there isnt one for cardboard/paper!! grrr.

It's funny how my mom used to nag me everytime she found anything recyclable in the main rubbish bin instead of the trash bag for recyclables. I always either forgot, or i had that dont-care attitude that i just threw away everything straight into the rubbish bin. But as the years go by, this habit has stuck to me that it's become part of my daily thing to want to recycle recyclables. I mean if you have stuff to save the environment, might as well dump it in a recycling bin instead of dumping it in another trash bin. Either way, you still have to throw them away, just in a separate bin.

all our stuff to be recycled, already threw a batch away last week! help save the environment!

this and another bag will be going into the paper recycling bin after my results come out!! just in case anything bad happens, i'll still keep all my notes and stuff. but hopefully i dont need them ever again.

Whew & i guess post-exam period really makes me post up looooong random blogs!!!

.......!!!!!!

2008-07-01T18:46:00.002+09:30

WHO WOULD EVER BELIEVE IT IF I TOLD THEM I WAS DOING CHORES THE WHOLE ARVO!!!!!!

.......................

I can hardly believe it myself..!!!!!

Insanity!!! I dont even know how the hell it happened..! I started after lunch at bout 2pm. And since then i havent gotten a chance to sit down till now! & it's almost 7pm! GOodnesS! I think this is the first time EVER such a thing has happened to me.

Started off by cleaning and wiping my table and the objects on it then wiping the bedpost and watever that's got dust on it. Then changed bedsheets and took all my clothes and bedsheets & everything to the laundry room to do laundry. Goodness. I wasted 12 bucks on laundry today. 3 washing machines to wash my clothes, my bedsheets & covers & my quilt. How exhausting. I was practically going in & out of my room the whole day!! While the washing machines were doing their jobs i cleaned the toilet and then the sink. But still dont get how time could past just like that. FOUR friggin hours!!! Maybe even more than that. I was walking here & there till i got hungry. & i thought i'd finish by 5pm and then have time to exercise. How wrong was i! It's already dinnertime & i havent even showered.

My goodness. Have i mentioned how i despise washing my quilt cover. You gotta take the whole big heavy quilt out and after it's done you gotta put the whole thing back in & it's just SO bloody difficult to put it back in!!! Imagine having a big gigantic flabby pillow which you've gotta put into its cover. Goodness. Everytime i wash the whole set of my bed stuff, i'll always lose my patience. & it always leaves my back aching at the end.

When the time came to vacuum, my back was aching so terribly that i had to stand up straight so ever often in case my body snapped into two!! It was THAT bad. ouch ouch. =( Havent done chores for this long EVER. I seriously have no freakin clue how it even happened!!! On the plus side, at least now i dont have anymore chores to do & everything is sparkling clean! I just hope my back feels normal soon!! bah.

bye-bye alarm clock!

2008-07-01T10:39:00.001+09:30

This is the first morning in what feels like AGES that i didnt have to wake up to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" playing thru my mobile phone. I'm actually starting to get sick of waking up every morning to that alarm tune since uni began. Maybe i should change it to some other song. lol. I picked it in the first place cos it was the only "bouncy-like" positive & jolly-sounding tune to wake up to. The guitars in the introduction of that song just makes it really....mmph. nvm.

I started the day off really early today at 8.20am! Yea, even without alarm clock! Even ee lin had to go, "Whoa!! Why wake up so early!?". As if i cant wake up early. hahaah. xD It was weird, i tried to keep awake last nite but i started to feel soo sleepy even before 12! My body system must have gotten used to sleeping early & waking up early the past few weeks.

*sigh* i feel so blissful. like an extreme weight has been taken off my shoulders. If only this was an everlasting feeling, waking up every morning feelin like this. Sniff. But i guess if it was an everlasting feeling, we would've taken it for granted and not even know the blissfulness of it all. aha.

mmm..there's so much i plan to do today. Started off with self-grooming this mornin. Currently i've got my face mask on & it feels so cold & nice. lol. But then the painful part of my facial procedure will come later..which i utterly dislike. If only i've got clear skin without blackheads. Gosh. EVERY single time i do facial and extract them all, they'll still come back. Hell annoying.

Anyway, there's lunch to cook, then need to vacumn later, do laundry, wipe dust off my table(dont even know where all the dust comes from -_-) & wash the toilet & the sink..basically housework. How exciting!!! (meh). Then prolly more self-grooming like doing my nails and prolly finish off my restaurant list. hahaha. Yeh, i'm re-doing my penang "places to eat at" list. More choices this time! Dont know why i even enjoy doing such things. After i finish the penang list, im gonna start on the adelaide list. & how do i plan to do that? Walk around the city and jot down restaurant/cafe names that i come across while im on my way. har har. I thought doing this would be easier than googling cos i kinda got tired googling all those places in penang. So i thought i'd get a direct hands-on thing since adelaide city is so small and i get to exercise at the same time i take down food venues. lol.

ALrighty! Time to cook rice! Hope my fried rice tastes good. woooohooo. Everything in life seems so positive i cant be any happier. =)

YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

2008-06-30T21:47:00.000+09:30

EXAMS ARE OVERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhh!!!!

Sad part is, i got no one to celebrate with. Cos my neighbour is stil studying. hahaha.

still, it feels sooo good! I went for a long walk earlier & it was sooo windy and cold but it also felt SO refreshing to feel the cold wind on yr face and smiling at the world! hahaha.

I'm so hyped atm. I have loads to do and so little time! I knw, what a way to talk when holidays have just started. I sound as if i have homework. lol. But yeh i have so much i want to do before all the activities for "pre-WYD" come up & then the big WYD itself! Woohooo! i'm so excited as this is my first time ever going for this event which i only got to know about only 4 yrs back?? WHen it's actually been in existence for so long. Ah. I'm just SO glad for the opportunity, being in aus now and the event being in sydney itself. It's gonna be a life-changing experience, i can feel it. Hope it stays with me for life. & hope i get to experience some...i dunno. something to do with god's presence or similar to that. I just want to FEEL something to be able to bring with me thru life!

ok. im crapping a lot prolly cos im hyped!! ahhh! i need to go out!! if only it was a friday night. DAMN!

time....so precious yet wasted.

2008-06-28T00:36:00.003+09:30

I cannot, CANNOT, believe the amount of time i've wasted today. and yesterday. and the day before. totally. instead of reading up on my law and knowing the cases and goin thru all those things.. i somehow find myself ending up with a whole lot of different things. =(

My concentration has totally gone.......!

I really feel like im on extreme ends atm. Before my second paper i was so panicky and stressed and studying like nobody's business (that was the paper i was the most afraid of). After that paper tho, ........i'm acting as if exams have ended!!!!! Which is SO SO bad!!! Gosh gosh gosh. I know i'll regret and i'll start panicking really soon yet i wasted time again tonight!

Instead of reading up and doing more revision, what did i end up doing tonite?? I was sourcing thru modelling material and going thru modelling poses instead of law cases.

OH MY GOODNESS!!

How could I!!

*i'm still trying to force some panicky feeling into me but cant seem to conjure some up yet* =S

I'd better work my ass off tomoro otherwise i'll seriously be meat. Only 2 days left to revise everything. Oh-ho. I feel like I'm playing around with myself. TWO DAYS. my goodness. I need my brain & concentration power back before something bad happens for my law paper!!

OKokok..tomoro really gotta get lots of things done. need to, have to. ARGH!

oh. and i totally forgot the main reason i'm blogging. hehee. when i first heard it my mouth automatically curved up altho i had to feign shock. but it seemed like it wasnt really a biggie to him though. and ever since he got with that girl he's been SO nice and i've learned SO many things he never told me before. The things he wouldnt EVER tell cos of pride. But ever since that girl he's been telling me stuff i never expected him to tell cos he's normally too egoistic to tell. I really really thank that girl for changing him so much. GONE is that prideful, egoistic, mean, (keep throwing in negative words) arse.

The new thing i got today was hearing him admit that he took things for granted when he was with me. He's been admitting things a lot lately & i am just so "awed" by the changed person that he is. I've been amazed since he got with her. Seriously, it's a big change, no exaggeration made at all!

But the main reason i smiled wasnt cos he admitted that but of what he told me before he said that. They broke up. hahaha. I know. It's so pathetic of me but i cant help it. It just makes me happy for some reason. hahaha. Not trying to be mean. But still cant help laughing. You can laugh with me if you want to. =)

THE day!

2008-06-18T12:43:00.001+09:30

Only 12 more days ..........

to a whole load of movies, novels, shopping, eating, magazines, walking, random trips in adelaide, & just about anything i can think of doing with a BIG smile on my face! even if it means walking aimlessly in the city of adelaide. I would walk & walk & walk & be able to smell the air & feel the wind on my face.

AHHHHHHH.............!!

12 days is pretty short. yes, it is. It'll come by before i even know it.

Now all i need to do is to HANG ON!!! & not lose concentration & start "slacking" like what my brain feels like doing now.

boohooohoooo.......i want a time machine..............!

meh.

2008-06-17T22:36:00.000+09:30

this is so far the FIRST night ever after about 2 weeks that i get to relax a bit (for an hour or so) before i sleep.

& that's because i managed to finish the day's topics early. otherwise, studying would normally go up till 11 ish before relaxing only for a few mins, or no relaxing at all; just closing the books, turning off the lights, and jumping into bed.

bah.

LIFE IS SOOO HECTIC WHEN THERE'S EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY WHY WHY do we even need exams???! At the end of the day, we're all going to die. We study our lives away just to get a piece of paper so that we can get jobs. We work our entire lives away and then we retire and die. What is the point really??

If i were the prime minister or queen or..watever it is.. i would abolish exams! mwahaha. how easy it being said. But seriously. Why cant ppl just make use of their talents & abilities to earn money to live a simple life? Everyone's just competing to get the best of the best that if you dont join in and compete as well, you'll be left behind like a shop/restaurant which has got no customers at all.

JEEZ.

There are so many other things i would have loved to do other than study and becoming an accountant (or something similar). Life would've been so much more pleasant if i was working as some musician or composer or model or singer or actress.......or even a blogger. HAH! I would be way happier even if i had to work 2 jobs at once, it consisting of either those listed. It's so much more of what i want than to flip thru pages and pages of written words. It makes me feel sick. *ugh*

If only there were REAL jobs as bloggers. Woweee. i would give anything to earn money just by writing posts after posts of thoughts and experiences & everything you could think under the sun. Just writing articles about your own views and all.........mmmm. Is there a job for that?? mann....

Anyway, i just wrote an entry which totally doesnt prove a point. And i've wasted minutes doing so when i could be doing something else on my most precious first-night-off. AHh!! opportunity cost!!

hahaha!!

2008-05-31T16:37:00.001+09:30

I'm totally laughin at myself right now. hehehe.

seems like there's a whole big mistake there. He got his facts wrong. so yeah. it was ALL wrong. hahaha.

so much for feeling sad last night. even if only a teeny weeny bit sad.

SHEESH!

so he didnt have anything for me anymore. his reason was just cos he wanted me to get pissed at him to stop me from having feelings.

the reason for the whole mess-up was cos i listed those reasons down for him in a numeric way so he didnt have to tell me the reasons himself. since he didnt even want to tell me why he was an ass. So i thought i'd just list whatever came to my brain in point form and ask him to pick whether it was point 1 or point 2, etc etc. and he picked the wrong point by mistake (it all got messed up cos they were 'offline msges' so i couldnt ask further and assumed what he said was right). so the whole thing was a mistake cos he picked the wrong points. -_-

how PATHETIC.

But i am just so glad for that. cos then, it makes me feel much happier now since there's no "wasted chance" and i didnt have to have any "hope" anymore.

How SILLY of me to even have second thoughts. silly, silly, silly, jennifer!!

It's just weird how this whole mistake came as a relief to me instead of more sadness. lol.

Guess that's good isnt it? =D

YAY!

hahahaahaha.

I shouldnt even EVER think of having second thoughts next time. or the slightest bit of hope. or some kinda 'wasted chance' we could somehow build up again. GOSH. that's just silly. I should totally just 100% let it go and not care anymore. i mean, SERIOUSLY. (if it was even possible to roll your eyes at yourself)

I think i live too much in a fairytale world. Just gets out of hand sometimes. Too dramatic.

But cant help it when you want your life to be like a movie somtimes right? sucha nice ending. Imagine having so much hardships & difficulty & hurt, sadness etc. but in the end, you get to end up with that guy and have a happy ever after life.

LMAO

I should just wake up and get back to the harshness of reality.

OMG!!!!!!

2008-05-31T00:22:00.000+09:30

I just got back from my free dance class. yes, free. just a contribution of 2 bucks maybe but still way cheaper than anything. he teaches salsa & hip hop and the cool thing about it is that he plays modern music to salsa. so it's exactly like how it is in "take the lead" if you've watched that movie.

ANYWAY. that's not the point! i'm totally BURSTING inside! PRACTICALLY!!!!

I'm supposed to go take a shower now but then i swicthed on my computer first and there was an offline msg.

from him, as usual. we've been having 'offline msges' since he's always not there and im always not here as well whenever both of us talk. we've been tlkin online like normal already just now the only difference is he being attached, and me not.

gosh. the story is so long i dont know how to put it. But to cut EVERYTHING short...

he was being a total jackass last year cos he had feelings for me ............!!!! like O-M-G!!!

sigh. it just makes me feel sadder than ever. altho i know im supposed to be over him. which i sort of am. way better progress than ive ever been thru anyway. heee.

so yeah. we've been tlkin bout certain stuff the past few days like how best friends are supposed to talk. and it just got to the topic of how he was being an ass and yada yada yada and i kept pestering him for the reasons why & the convo was soo friendly & totally nice. JUST FRIENDS! I feel like im blabbing but i just dont care. there's just too many things to say and my emotions feel like someone's just used an egg beater on me. thoughts are swirling about and i totally dont know what to feel.

oh. i feel sad.

haha. i forgot. but not sad-sad. just ... a teeny weeny bit sad. how things have to always ALWAYS be this way. just because of my parents..?

and then thinking thru all this and how ee lin & i mentioned about the movie "my best friend's wedding" a couple days ago, it just makes me feel a bit scared how it'd all turn out to be. i might take julia roberts role in the future. but i really hope this doesnt happen. sigh.

...........sigh.

i totally cannot believe it. finding out about this just makes me feel so.........arghh!!!!! like why has it got to be this way!?!! and he has a girl now. and he treats me as a really good friend. not that i mind...but.. mmmm. a little bitchy secret. i always hoped (& still hope) things dont turn out right with his relationship. I cant help it. i dont know why. i'm supposed to be over him and all. but i feel sort of "happy" everytime i hear stuff that it's not workin out well, or they had an argument or whatever negative thing there is to it.

ARGH!!!

what is WRONG with me!? i dont even know what i want atm..!

But girls. this is really a msg to you. whenever you have girl instincts telling you somethin strongly, NEVER doubt it. i've had many MANY instincts before & so far, they've all proven to be true.

Last year. I always thought he was being a jerk cos he had feelings for me and being an ass was just to camouflage his feelings. this issue was discussed among some good friends of mine, all of us wondering what it was actually all about...but then all of them told me not to think too much. and i myself didnt want to think too much either. cos it could have been anything. it could've been he being an ass cos of me having feelings for him, and maybe being mean would help me "hate" him (which is actually his other reason). so yeah. i decided to narrow down the reason he was mean to me to only that. It's always safer to take the negative than the positive neway. so i just discarded the possibility (& my always bugging instincts) that he could've had feelings for me then.

UGHH. whatever. what am i even tlkin about?!

but seriously. sigh. my instincts have always been right. so far. not just this thing but with other issues as well. let's hope they'll always be right. i'd need to learn to trust my instincts from now onwards....

arghhhhhhhhh!!!! i could just continue to blab blab blab..........!

bang bang boom!

2008-05-09T14:22:00.001+09:30

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!!!!!!!!

that's just what i've been doing.

ARGHHHHH!!!!

If only it was being busy with fun & games & social life. Oh, how i WISH!

Anyway, somethin really random but i guess there are still guys out there who are reeeeeeally nice & sweet & just...angels. For this, im not exaggerating. A friend of mine is actually working just so his gf can come to adelaide to see him. He's working FOR his gf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He doesnt need the cash, he's a well off person. He could survive anytime without working. But he's working just so to get his gf a plane ticket from malaysia to adelaide instead of using his parents' money (cos it's not exactly right to use yr parents' money to buy yr gf an expensive ticket).

Like, O-M-G!

I'd do anything to get a bf like this!!! He doesnt like working, (I mean who does?!) his time is wasted on working......like, he could just choose not to work. That's it. I'm still in awe everytime i think about it. The money he earns....gosh. If i worked, i would want to keep all that money to myself. Lol.

At least this friend of mine boosts the concept i have on guys. Gives me some HOPE that not all guys will be mindless jerks even in a relationship. ALL guys should follow his example. Or more like: if only majority of guys were like him then the world would be a better place to live in. hah.

Alright. Instead of tlkin about unnecessary things i should get back to my assignments.

At least there's an update with a new post.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

2008-04-11T12:01:00.003+09:30

I am THIS () close to freedom....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, although not complete freedom like how it feels like after exam, but still!!!!! Even if for a week! I could use that relaxation!!

GOSH.

This week was utterly, totally insane!!! I found out all about my workload only last friday and almost got a heart attack . I had exactly ONE week to finish everything off.

I had:

one quiz due this week,
one mid-term exam due this week, and
one law assignment due this week

Both the quiz and mid-term test were Business Finance (it's an online test but we get a week to do them both, meaning could print off the test and do it offline). The quiz was due today but luckily i managed to finish it off earlier. I started working like crazy the next day (saturday) onwards. Managed to get the quiz done by sunday. On Monday, i started on my law assignment.

AH. which reminds me, the law assignment is actually due NEXT WEEK. But because of late notice by the *eeeee!!!* lecturer, i have to hand up my assignment tomorrow because i'm off for holiday on monday to ayers rock & alice springs! WOOHOOO!! Mid-term break starts this monday onwards for 2 weeks.

So yeh. I guess that was my major heart attack cos the due date for law was when I was away & i was sooo afraid i couldnt finish everything by tomorrow!!

But seriously, it felt like I only got out of my chair whenever i had to go to uni, when it was time to eat lunch or dinner or to take a shower. The rest of the days in this week prior to today, my ass has been glued to a chair any free minute i had.

Sigh.

TORTURE!!!!

3 hours straight of doing work twice a day, 4 days in a row is really really REALLY tiring.

I am SOOO glad and thankful my law assignment has just been printed out and all i need to do is to submit it into the assignment box tomorrow. Now, all that's left is my midterm BF test which is due tomorrow & which i've completed more than halfway and am gonna complete the rest of it tomorrow.

So, by tomorrow arvo hopefully by lunchtime, i'll be FREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can't wait!!!!

forces of nature

2008-04-08T00:59:00.000+09:30

Nature goes against me.

For as long as I can rmb.

The things I want, I can't have. The things I don't want, I actually can have.

What is this?!

It's just like how everytime we say, "When you choose to do this, it always doesnt work out. When you choose to not do this, it'll be the opposite"

I guess it happens to everyone.

Today after doin some grocery shopping, ee lin & i were headin back to the tram platform when we saw the 99C bus (which goes directly to our apmt) a few feet away. We were torn in between for a split sec, trying to decide whether we should take the bus or to just take the tram (have to walk a bit back to the apmt). In the end, we thought if we made a run for it, the bus might drive off while we were halfway there, so decided to stick to taking the tram.

Who would have known the bus was gonna be there for quite some time!?

Quite many ppl were gettin down the bus that if we had made the decision to take the bus in the first place, we would've made it. We were wondering if we still had time to make a dash for it since the bus was still there...! So ok, we started walkin towards the bus when the bus driver changed signals & we knew there was no time anymore since he was already driving off.

Meh.

Had to turn back and walk back to the tram platform.

So all i'm trying to say is that things always go against us. Well, most of the time anyway.

It's just one of those things in life i always wondered about.

..............

2008-04-01T21:45:00.000+10:30

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND....!!!!!

yeh, i'm tryina find the brightest colour to go with that news but lime green (or so i think) is the 'brightest' i can come up with.

It's ok. I'm fine.

As fine as can be.

Reviewing the comments of others' can really help. I took them all down and saved them in my 'notes' section in my phone (just in case) when i was at that point of total helplessness & loss of control end of last year. And i guess i just need to get those comments into my head. Esp when they're ALL negative ones coming from different ppl...who would've thought it'd be so hard for me?! but it was. All fault goes to my soft heart & living most of my life with him haunting my memory.

But yeh. Now that i've got the confirmation, i can totally move on with my life. Which is a good thing.

Congratulations to you (altho deep down somewhere inside, the green-eyed monster is there lurking for some reason i do not know of)

oooookayy....!

2008-04-01T00:50:00.000+10:30

It seems like something is occupying my mind MORE than I thought it would!!!

How come I always tend to become like this??!

Sooo..........amusing in a way, frustrating in another way, weird in some other ways, intriguing in a small way......

I AM WEIRD~!

Ok, time to sleep.

the big red question mark

2008-03-31T01:10:00.001+10:30

There's ALWAYS a point in life when you just dont know what you want.

Whether it's to

study course A or B,
take up job A or B,
eat at place A or B,
get guy A or B,
watch movie A or B,
wear clothes A or B,
buy thing A or B,

and the list goes on and on and on.

There are so many DECISIONS to make in life that sometimes i wonder WHY we have to make them. Ok, maybe we havta make them to get one step further in life; and maybe life wouldn't be so boring since we all get to make our own decisions rather than have a list of rules/decisions set out for us to follow. Great. I could answer my own question...

STILL, sometimes i wonder WHY we have to make them!!!

Decision-making is so bloody annoying sometimes esp if it befalls a poor decision-maker. A decision-maker with the name Jennifer. Have you heard of that tale before about how she was one of the worst decision-makers in the entire blue-green globe?? I'm sure you've heard the story before, somehow. Well, im not sure how the ending to that tale goes, but i really hope Jennifer would improve on her decision-making skills & find her way home. Otherwise, decision-making monsters would gobble her up as they can smell poor decision-makers from afar & hunger for themmmm. GRRRRrrrrr.

Ok. Lame story. Moving on.

I'm glad to say tho, i've already gone thru most of the stuff i've listed on that list. Even if it means having to go thru them again, once in a while, the lil, lil stuff like eating at place A or B, I am SO glad the major things have passed. The big headache like taking course A or B etc. But i know there'll be more major decisions to come... Well if i didnt have one right now, I wouldnt have started on this entry in the first place, right?

this is it.

2008-03-17T16:09:00.001+10:30

Ok yes, i know i'm supposed to be at the state library finishing off my tute work right now but i just had to let this nagging feeling off my chest.

It's been a long day.

......or shall i say a looong night.

Something totally unexpected happened. And i wasn't exactly bracing myself for this before. So it hit me quite hard. It was a blow. Well......sort of.

We got into talkin last night, talks we hadnt had for a while. The funny thing was, he didn't mention ANYTHING close to what i found out..even though i was askin him questions regarding that topic.

The topic: our love lives

All the while, i thought he didnt have any. Hence, when i asked him about it and i got negative responses i just didnt really bother and started tellin him about my love life.

And yeh. As usual, when it comes to liking a guy, i always get confused. Sometimes im very sure i like this or that guy, but usually the 'very sure' doesnt work out after a while. Neway that's besides the point. My point is.. it is just totally difficult to really like someone. I either like someone half-heartedly & get so confused over it, or i like someone whole-heartedly but can never get them. The latter i'm always frustrated about. Maybe i'm jinxed.

Now, straight to the point. I like this guy. But he's under the category of the "half-hearted". I was tellin him everythin & once i was done, i guess he saw it as an exchange of stories & that's how i found out about this mutual feeling thingy that's gone on with a girl. SO he's one step closer to having a gf. I, on the other hand, am ten miles closer to having a bf.

I guess, it's not such a biggie. Since i actually DO like someone now (but somehow, i know it's not gonna work out..precisely because of me). But the thought that i'm gonna lose him forever and for real now to another girl...that thought left me distraught last night. I dont know why. I always thought i didnt care anymore, that i was over him & all (that's when i wonder if i've been lying to myself). But somehow, when these things happen, this weird feeling comes back. Maybe im too used to havin him around, or maybe i'm just selfish & jealous that he's getting it all before me when i'm the one who had to go thru way more than he did (meaning to say he doesn't deserve it). Yeh, i'd prolly say it's being selfish & jealous.

I was distraught cos i was thinking all sorts of things like how much he'd love her if they eventually got together. Whether he'd stop smoking for her or do more things for her than he ever did for me. gosh. ok. I should stop all this cos watever it is, i'm still at the losing end. So no point talkin about this & then gettin all emo about it.

*deep breath*

Watever it is, i guess this is a chance for me to really move on. Knowing that he's gonna be taken so i wont be 'clinging' on with the fairytale hope of being together again. (i think my life revolves around too much drama, that's why it's so difficult??) But yeh, this is it. Time to really really really move on. I wonder how many times i've said that before. lol. But i know deep down, one day i will. I'll find someone better and i can kiss that *** goodbye. A real goodbye. And at that time in future, he's gonna have to return me that little piece of my heart he still has with him right now.

Oh what am i crapping about?

I'm supposed to be doing tute work!!!

But yeh. Now i know what this quote means: 'Love is loving when you're hurting'. I saw it on a friend's personal message a while ago & it totally caught my eye.

...wow.

2008-03-08T00:49:00.001+10:30

[Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. You are a very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It's also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.]

I have to say, this is pretty damn accurate!!!! I was bored, so as usual, i googled the word 'bored' and surfed my way thru interesting things till i came across this thing about where you had to draw a house. I'm sure some of you have done it before.

So then, i decided to draw my house and then answered the questions based on my drawing....and ta-daaa. I got the results. How amazing actually. I wonder who came up with this....it's really accurate. Well, maybe except the part which goes "You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people". lol. This one, i really dont know. You need a leader in you to be able to do this.

Ah well, why dont you try it out and see if it's accurate for you or that about the same things will be said bout you as it did for me!?

here's the link:
http://www.drawahouse.com/

ENJOY!

It's a SATURDAY night...!!

2008-03-02T00:30:00.001+10:30

............and what am i doing?

i'm at home with nothing to do.

I'M SO BORED!!!!!

We were supposed to go out tonite but the plan was cancelled cos the planner took off and went with his friends instead. lol. So then, leaving us with the night 'on our hands'.

Chastine, joanne and me.

and what do you get when there's us 3?

You get NOWHERE! gahahaha.

Just because we're such lousy decision-makers.

We wanted to go out. Cos it's saturday. And cos uni's gonna start soon...indicating we should party to the max before hitting the books. Discussed online. For about 30 minutes.....and ended up staying at home cos we couldnt make a decision on where to go or what to do. I guess it's adelaide's fault as well. Ah well.

So there goes my saturday night.

At least i managed to ease some boredome as well as waste a few of my free minutes calling a college dude who just went over to melb. lol. I know. Lame. But then it's better than having my free minutes accumulating everytime i recharge my phone. Then it'll be like..what, 200-300 over minutes?? I never could use up all my free minutes. It's always sucha waste. So i try to use them the best i can. Ah, we'll see how this year goes. I think i had over 300 minutes left before i went back to penang last year. That's about 5 hours of talktime wasted.

AND obviously, this entry is cos im bored atm and have nothin to do. Imagine, tlkin about free minutes! How lame could i get?! lol. okok. i feel like crappin bout more stuff but then this entry'll just be some ridiculous one which is full of irrelevant stuff.

So, goodnight!

just a lil question.

2008-02-18T23:47:00.002+10:30

what the hell is true love??

is it sacrificing not to be with someone or doin everythin it takes to be with 'em?

I've been havin this as my personal message on msn; and the more i stare at it, the more confused i get. But somehow. Whatever the reason, i know deep down inside me that the second option is what i'd really call true love. No matter what. Ok, but having to be fair, i guess this only goes for when two ppl are in love with each other. I dont know about other circumstances. Other circumstances might opt for the first one. But yeh. If two ppl want each other, it should be the second option. And that's doing everything it takes.

Oh, what am i trying to prove?

the 11 guymandments.

2008-02-18T01:42:00.002+10:30

ahaa. am finally back with an update after a long long time. Since friends are leaving one by one and there's nothin much to do anymore, i decided to get on with the "you've been tagged, list 8 things you'd want in yr lover" or somethin like that (tagged by ee lin). But then, i just couldnt be bothered following the rules & stuff so i thought i'd just do it my own way and not bother tagging others or watever. Just too much trouble. =P

SO yeh.

The 11 things I want in a guy

A family oriented guy. Most guys who are family oriented will treat their girl much better if compared to some guy who doesn’t care bout his family. Who knows, if I get married to this kinda guy he’d be good at some housework from helping his mom out?? A family oriented guy would also be more caring and life would just be much better after marriage. (yeh I’m askin myself why I included so many ‘marry-ish’ words..).
He must not be a coward in expressing emotions or be prideful. The guy I want needs to be able to express his emotions. Not overboard though. To the extent that he can tell me what he thinks/feels at given circumstances. He won’t be that kinda guy who would act as a totally different person in front of his friends. I want that guy who isn’t afraid of PDA (Public Display of Affection). But then again, not overboard. The most important thing of all is that he’s able to admit his mistakes & apologize. He’d better lose his pride to the girl he loves & not be that guy who would lose a girl he loves because of his pride. I despise those kinds.
a religious guy, preferably of the same faith. Not super holy. As long as he goes to church and prays on normal days, he’s good enough. At least I’ll know there’s a path that ‘lights his way’ rather than if he didn’t have any path at all.
I NEED a guy with a sense of humour. After all, laughter is the best medicine. I adore a guy who’d make me laugh all the time. Especially a guy who’d be able to be playful & childish at times, acting cute & throwin a tantrum if I did anything he didn’t like. I somehow love that cos it brings out the ‘child’ in him and it just makes me laugh at how silly-cute they can get.
He has to be good in sports, can sing, likes music and plays musical instruments. I don’t know why but these things are just essential. Prolly cos they’re my interests so if my guy has these, we’re able to share my passions. Oh, and he needs to have those naturally. Meaning he shouldn’t go for any training or deliberately start playing different kinds of sports just to become good at them; he needs to be a natural.
I want a guy who’s a good listener. Someone who doesn’t mind sitting there while I unload my burden onto him. Hopefully he’ll be a good adviser as well but a good listener’s more important. I want someone who can listen to my stories and share his own stories of the day.
A generous guy in heart & with his money is the best. The guy who can be kind and compassionate with others and does charity once in a while. Stingy guys are such a no-no. I want a guy who’s able to spend money lavishly on me. Nah, there’s a difference between loving and spoiling. Spending money lavishly doesn’t need to be “spoiling me”.
Hopefully he doesn’t have any bad habits like stuffing his face and overeating, smoking, eating junk food & drinking excess alcohol... yada yada. You get me. Hopefully he’s one who watches after himself & his health. Someone who’s responsible enough to know what he does affects his surroundings and not just himself.
I want a guy who is romantic & passionate. It’s a must. Things will always be exciting and married life wont be so dull and boring. He doesn’t havta be romantic in the sense of buying gifts and sweet stuff when I least expect it, but being romantic in the sense that he can do things out of his way for me when I least expect it. All sorts of small insignificant things can be romantic other than buying gifts or having a candlelit dinner.
He has to be a provider. A guy with a good & steady career who can provide for the family. That’s where money will be used to go traveling too… and buying a nice furnished home and owning cars like err…….nvm.
Last but not least, he’s gotta be a guy who’d love me with all his heart & soul. This means treating me with respect, being loyal and trustworthy. He’d better be one to think twice before doing anything that would hurt me – physically or emotionally. A guy who’d curse often is a no-no especially if he curses ME if I did anything wrong and made him angry. A guy who applies physical pain is even worse. He’s just gotta be someone really human & loving. He needs to be the person who'd do watever it takes to be with me no matter what the circumstance.

Anddddd..after all these 11 things, it seems almost impossible for me to get a guy now. lol. Maybe i should lower my expectations and make my criteria a little less.... strict? But that'll never happen. Maybe that's the reason why i havent dated any other guy up till today, when i could easily manouevre my way around guys and get at least 5 boyfriends by now...

yeh i know im just tlkin big, ignore me. after all self praise is no praise. Or like what someone said, self praise is self confidence ;) lmao.

sigh.

2007-11-14T02:06:00.000+10:30

I just watched The Notebook. Yeh i know i'm pretty outdated....but i gotta say that movie is heaps better than A Walk To Remember. Cried like shit. At least the movie has a happy ending & not a sad ending like how it was with walk to rmb.

Watching that movie triggered something inside me though....Something about the storyline brought back unpleasant memories..... Memories that left that scar.... When anything at all happens which has the slightest link to it, everything will come crashing back to me again, the past relived. So i've come to the conclusion: the scar is always gonna be there, will always be there & the mark will always be like adding salt to the wound whenever i watch/hear/sense (whatever) anything at all which has a link to my past. It'll never go away. Even if I think it's already gone away.

I'm either blind or ignorant...or maybe i just dont like to have something new unless i actually find something(someone?) i really really like, knowing how picky i am & having to match every trait of his to see if that person matches up to those things he has. Blind in the sense i cant see anyone else although there are so many more out there or it's just my stubborn heart. Ignorant in the sense that there are so many others who are interested but i just cant seem to accept them. Not even one. Maybe there's just something wrong with me.

Then there's this question i always ask myself - if i tell him/myself i'm over him, why do little "linking situations" like this still make those memories flood back as if someone was having me go thru the past again???

fantastic-fab day!!!

2007-11-11T12:18:00.000+10:30

Firstly, it's cos im done!!! FREEDOM AT LAST!! & i got to finish the paper feeling happy rather than worried cos the paper was easy! Ok maybe i wont say easy. The paper was not really tough. =) Yep yep.

WOohoooO! So many things were on today. Sucha happy day really.

In the morning, there was this christmas parade on (yeh i know, i think aussies like to fast fwd their months from novemeber to a feel of december cos christmas decorations are already up everywhere) & the roads were all closed up for the parade. When i went out of my apmt today, ppl were everywhere on the road, lining up on either sides with chairs & balloons & kids everywhere...Sadly though, i couldnt be in the crowd & couldnt get to watch the parade cos i was making my way to chinatown to get the bus from there where the roads were not closed, to the exam place -_- So i missed the parade...! ="(

Neway, after the paper was done we all had lunch & because of the bloody hot weather all of us felt tired & decided to head home for a nap.. but instead (as usual) once reached home, the computer was turned on & the sleepiness just vanished. So chatted & chatted till it was 545pm then had to rush to go to church where there was this youth mass on at 6pm in conjunction with the upcoming World Youth Day!

For those of you who do not know what exactly it is, it's this huge event which is held once every 3 yrs in different, different countries across the world each time (sorta like olympics kinda feeling except in a religious sense!)

According to www.wyd2008.org, to be more precise: World Youth Day is the largest youth event in the world and will be held in Sydney from 15-20 July 2008. Organised by the Catholic Church, World Youth Day gathers young people from around the world to build bridges of friendship and hope between continents, peoples and cultures. Through the WYD08 experience, young people from throughout the world will make a pilgrimage in faith, meet, and experience the love of God. The young people will have an opportunity to rediscover their baptismal calling and the centrality of the sacraments of the Eucharist and reconciliation, and so discover a new apostolic zeal to witness more fully the Gospel in the modern world. All in the context of the beauty of Australia and the hospitality of the Australian people!

So that's why I'm gonna be in Sydney next year from 15-20 July! Yahooooo!!

Anyway, went for the youth mass & there was a procession after mass where the cross & icon of WYD was walked through the streets of adelaide. It was such an awesome feeling, really. If i had been in malaysia, NO WAY would i have been able to do such a thing. I doubt the cross & icon could even enter malaysian borders -_- But really, it was such a privilege to be able to be there at that point. To even be in australia as a whole. The timing of this whole WYD thing is just SO perfect! It being in aus just next year, otherwise i wouldnt have been able to attend it & would miss out on a once in a lifetime chance of it....

So yeh, after mass at 7pm, we waited outside church for the procession to begin & started walking thru the streets of adelaide. It was so fun! Felt like a parade more than anything else. hahahaa.. There were things given out like cool plastic candles which were able to light up, a wooden cross with 'WYD SYD 08' stamped on it & also helium balloons! It's been sucha long time since i actually held a helium balloon so it was kinda exciting. hahaah lol. I kno im pathetic.

There was this group of Africans playing music all the way during the procession, & those ppl carrying banners & the cross at the front of the procession. The cross & icon is actually the WYD cross & icon, which has travelled all around the world for all the WYD events. The same cross going across continents & borders, from Europe to Asia to everywhere. Could you imagine?! It was such an amazing feeling being able to be a part of it......

We walked thru adelaide city until 9pm when joanne, chastine & i decided to break off from the group & go grab dinner (since at that time we were passing by Rundle St where all the restaurants were & we were hungry!!). Half of me wanted to continue the procession back to church but i knew it was already 9pm & since i have got stomach problems, I had better get dinner so off we went to Scoozi with our helium balloons tied to the chair while having dinner. LOL. It was such a great way to end a happy day. I was SO happy i couldnt stop grinning like an idiot.

Anyway, pics would be posted up shortly!

oh, hurry up & set me free!!!

2007-11-09T13:40:00.000+10:30

My last paper would be in about....*count off fingers*....20 hours.

Then i'll be crying tears of joy when all my pain & suffering for at least 8 months would be over.

OVER!!!!

Oh, how i cant wait!

In the meanwhile, my brain is starting to abandon me. I'm supposed to be giving my all for my last paper but it seems Brain isn't listening to the commands of its Master.

*sigh*

I started to lose concentration last night when i was supposed to finish off the remaining 3 chapters...Instead of finishing them 3 I only managed to finish 1 -_- Then I couldnt sit still any longer although i knew i had 2 more chapters to go thru. SO then, I had to force myself to get up at 6am today to complete my task.

Yes. 6am.

............................................*wows to herself & pats herself on the back*

It's still sucky though. 6.45am - 11am. About FOUR freakin hours to finish 2 chapters!!!! My brain was seriously lagging, taking everything in SO damn slowly & daydreaming in between..otherwise I could have gotten my stuff done at bout 10 maybe??! I seriously hope i rmb everything that i've studied!!!

ARGH! Stupid Brain!! ='( ..for saying this i hope it doesn't rebel against me when i'm sitting for my paper tomorrow... it better not.

sigh. Look at that THICK accounting textbook & how much I gotta study... =(

yeh. I was studying! At least...trying to?? Nah, there's a word for it.....it's called MULTI-TASKING! If you're wondering what a piece-o-paper is doing on my lamp, it's cos it gets too bright for my eyes when i turn it on, so i just block off the bright light & direct it onto my books instead of my eyes. Innovative huh? tee-hee!

Sooooooo...it just goes to show how handy a camera can be! When you lose concentration, take some pictures!! Never said it'll help you get back to studying though....

ALrightY. It's time to hit the books again!

20 more hours!!! Or since time has passed while blogging this entry, i'll make it 19 hours 30 minutes more!!

YAHOOOOO!!!!!

that's what you get for helping ppl out!! =D

2007-11-02T23:08:00.000+10:30

WOOOOHOOoooooooo!!!!!

I got 5 bucks!!!! lol. I know it's not a biggie but it's considered RM 15!!! & you can get extra stuff than what you could get without this 5 bucks! & i didnt even have to really EARN it. WOOhoo!!!! I'm richer by 5 bucks!!!

WHY???

just because I helped 2 people out yesterday!

hahaahah.. man am i proud of myself now. LOL.

WOW.

What JOY! When i saw the money i couldnt stop smiling (that doesnt mean im money-faced!!)

Neway, yesterday i had just set off to cooking my dinner when the intercom buzzed. So had to leave my vege cooking for a while to go answer the phone. It seemed 2 people were locked out because they went out & they forgot to bring their key with them (& they both stay in a studio apmt, a 2-room unit.. meaning even if i let them into the apmt, they have no key to enter their unit as no one would be inside to let them in! - unlike our 4-bedroom unit)

SO then, this guy & girl were asking me to help them out, to call the Student Living after-hours emergency & ask whoever it was to come get them into their unit. So okaayyy..told them i'd do it & they told me they'd just stay outside the building & wait for the student living ppl to come.

Was feeling a little irritated cos i was cooking halfway...! When i replaced the receiver & went to check on my vege, found that they've already shrunk in size from overcooking & was on the process to being burned. -_-

ANYWAY! Had to turn off the stove & set my cooking aside for a while, went to get my phone & called the student living after-hour's thingy. The guy answered & i was explaining the whole scenario to him. THEN, he told me to get to those 2 & to tell them that he was going to have to charge them to get them their key....

I was like..."huh..i dont think it matters if you charge them cos either way, they'd need to get into their apmt!" .. I was being so clear that i was lazy to go downstairs just to tell those 2 that there was gonna be charges!! Pretty lame right?!

But the guy still insisted I go inform them that there'll be charges -_- BLoodY hell. If it was Malaysia, you didnt have to ask twice. It would mean profit!!!! GOsH.

So, feeling annoyed than ever, I had to take my keys & then went downstairs & outside to meet those 2. Lol. Seemed like those 2 were actually neighbours just living across the corridor from our unit. hahaha.. Was feeling sheepish then (& ashamed maybe, altho i didnt know them well) for being annoyed/irritated when helping someone out.

Told them what happened, yada yada...called the student living guy again & then finally said he'll be there in 15 minutes. All settled then! The girl was sooo appreciative saying thank you over & over, it made me feel happy for helping out. hahaah. I guess somehow you'd always feel happy after helping ppl out no matter how annoyed you were earlier...

Story ends when I left to resume my cooking. . . or so i thought.

I just went out to get a drink of water when i saw 5 bucks on the table on top of a piece of paper which had been peeled off from somewhere (prolly our door) cos there was sticky tape on it. Couldnt help but feel curious so went to take a look. & yes! It was for me! hahahaa..That's why i couldnt stop smiling when i saw it. It was so unexpected & so unnecessary & so sweet of them & so thoughtful & so grateful...whoaaahh. SO many things at once. They were thanking me for getting them into their apmt & saying the 5 bucks should be enough to cover the cost of the phone call & my time.

SO SWEET HUH!? I didnt expect anything in return at all but when things happen unexpectedly, it's when the benefit is at its max. lol. Now i feel like doing more good deeds. hahha. No, not for money but cos it just makes yr heart smile =) !

EWWWWW!!

2007-10-26T23:54:00.000+09:30

I just have to write about this. I don't know why..! But guess am taking this as a relaxation kinda thing since i havent written in a while...

Neway the thing is...as i got off the tram today at Victoria Square, there were lotsa ppl as usual at the platform & so happened, the other tram was already there, the one heading the direction I came from. Was making my way towards the traffic lights whilst ppl were getting into the tram in front of me.

THEN......

this GUY.

He caught my attention because

1) He was walking the opposite direction, making his way to the tram (the one in front of me, not the one i came out of)

2) He had a three quarter sleeve black top on which was kinda tight but I guess that wasn't really a biggie

3) The shirt he had on was short. & I mean SHORT. I think that was what caught my attention in the first place. Guys as usual, have their jeans loose..his shirt wasnt long enough to cover his pants so the belt & everything could be seen. Just picture how short the shirt was. Loose pants yet there was flesh in sight. The distance between the top of his pants/belt area and his shirt was relatively great

4) As he was waiting to get into the tram, (he would have turned his back to me by then)...the thing i saw next practically made me go "what the f**K!!!" to myself. Rmb his pants were loose & his shirt short? But man. I did NOT expect his pants to be loose to the extent that almost half of his arse line could be seen. Ok maybe not half. More like a quarter??? BUT IT WAS SO HIDEOUS!!! *faint*

5) Seeing a quarter/half of his arse line indicated so obviously he wasn't wearing any underwear/boxers.

DISGUSTING!!!!!!

It was TOTALLY an eye-sore!!!

I bet ppl behind him who were waiting to get into the tram were also staring at 'it'. In broad daylight. SO clear. & so ugly.

Man. SO yucky. I wonder if he realises. or he just didnt bother.

Bah. Can't stand it. I felt like lifting his pants up for him. Nah. Just kidding.

The line was so friggin ugly. I can go on & on about it but then i'd just be repeating the same thing. lol. Something's up with me. I think it's exam fever.

But yeh. His arse line was ugly. Ok. That'll be my last comment.

ARGH!

2007-10-17T20:29:00.000+09:30

This thing about 'fattism'

makes me have depression

but the fact that i cant do nethin bout it til i get back

only makes me the more fat

='(

sniff

I Want That Guy

2007-10-14T01:23:00.000+09:30

I want a guy who is genuine
who is not afraid to be himself
I want a guy who cares
who puts me before anythin else

I want a guy who is funny
who'd make me laugh all the time
I want a guy who is sweet
who's good with words so fine

If only it was that easy
I know nobody's perfect
But if i could get someone
I want that guy

I want a guy who is romantic
who'd do things i never thought about
I want a guy who is playful
who'd give me the look & is able to pout

I want a guy who sings
so i'd wake up every morning to a song
I want a guy who's knowledgeable
so i'll learn from him as i go along

If only it was that easy
I know nobody's perfect
But if i could get someone
I want that guy

Want a guy who doesn't have too much pride
Want a guy who's willing to express himself
Want a guy who wants to be by my side
Want a guy who listens to his heart

Want a guy who doesn't run away
Want a guy who'd deal with things
Want a guy who lets me have a say
Want a guy who's there to listen

If he has all these
I want that guy
If i wake up & he's there
He'll be mine

Yeh, it's what you think it is. The lyrics to my latest song. ^-^

DECISIONS!!!!

2007-10-09T00:37:00.000+09:30

Should I go back on the 15th & celebrate my birthday with friends & family back home

OR

Should I stay back here to celebrate my birthday in a new place for ONCE with friends here & go back on the 17th?!

Half of me can't wait to pack up & go home asap, but half of me wants to stay back here to celebrate my birthday with the peeps here!

WHAT DO I DO?

As usual, i cant make a decision! How exciting!!! -_-

to the soft-hearted

2007-10-03T23:40:00.000+09:30

i was tlkin to a friend about something, relating myself to a situation & asking her if she would do the same if she was in the situation faced by A. What she said next was:

"that's what sets u apart from us....u're very soft hearted"

Ok, maybe i sort of knew this already. But at that point she said it, it felt as though i was hit on the head. Something jolted me & woke me up. After all this time, i guess it's useful to be reminded of that....

I think that's the factor which makes me get 'stepped on' in love...

...or that ppl sometimes take advantage of me with watever intentions they may have.

That's the reason why i get hurt so easily....

...or that i feel sensitive over things relating to the heart.

Maybe that explains why my tear ducts are extra sensitive too.

Listening to a sad song, watching some touchy romance movie, getting support from ppl at times when i need it, reminiscing the times with him, friends' farewells...even a surprise by friends could trigger my tear ducts. Which reminds me of one embarrassing incident which happened at gurney a few years back where 2 of my good friends surprised me on my birthday.. altho it being a belated one. I'll never forget that so-called episode. lol. I had to hide at some corner & waited till i got 'control' of my sensitivity. -_- Not to mention the rest of the surprises i've come across. So ppl, now you know. If you ever wanna surprise me, DON'T DO IT IN PUBLIC!!!

Meh.

I'll never be a BITCH (beauty in total control of herself) although i actually tried so hard to be one before. I need to harden up my heart! Even if a little.....

It's so silly. He knows i'm soft-hearted. & he takes advantage whenever he can. I'm stupid as well. For allowing him that sense of power. Why? I just can't help myself.

I need tough-heart lessons!

PS. if you're wondering, the previous post is not related to me at all. I mean, it is related to me in a third party link kinda way. ok. i dont make sense. nvm. all i'm trying to say is, it isn't about love on my side. still don't make sense. forget it.

......

2007-10-03T00:28:00.000+09:30

stupid

blog

i hate the feeling of being used.

doesnt let me

create

but i can't do anything about it.

spaces

annoying

!!!

..............................................love is so messy & complicated. sometimes i wonder how it could be the most beautiful thing at the same time......

grr

grrrr

hah.

2007-10-01T02:25:00.000+09:30

I'M

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i shall create spaces

MANUALLY

Not wanting to be mean or smug, but i can't help myself hey. I just HAVE to say this:

-_-

meh

You just 'suffered' a loss!

It's totally your loss.

Ok, now time to truely go fishing. But since I'm so impatient, i dont think fishing is the right activity for me. I prefer something with more action like tennis or pool or dancing or basketball or...ok. getting outta topic. But yeh. Fishing is such a no-no. It's boring. I'll get impatient. I need something other than sitting & waitin for the fish to bite the bait. I need something else..... I wonder what that is. Maybe it should be hunting. Mmmmm.......

Let's go hunting, girls~!!! =D

* only 'special' ppl know what i mean by this entry, but doesnt mean those who're trying to make out the hidden meaning of this 'creative' entry arent special =P You could ask me what it means if you really are a busy-body.... lalalaa......... =)

here we go

again

Contradiction.

2007-09-28T02:21:00.000+09:30

I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one who's in your arms
Who holds you tight...
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you.........

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.........at the same time i don't wanna be with you......

just cos you're not worth it...

so then, why do i still wanna be with you!?

decisions, decisions.............

such a bad decision maker ---> me

At the end of the day, i'll end up at the same point: wanting to be with you yet not wanting to at the same time.

what 'joy'.

sigh.

WOooooSAaaaA...........

2007-09-27T00:58:00.000+09:30

I hate it everytime i stress......................!!!!

It's SO hard to get myself together....everything just seems like it's falling apart!

I used to be a "stressor" back home everytime nearing the exams or when there'd be assignments due etc...but the stress levels have gotten SO much worse over here to the point of breaking down. Prolly cos parents aren't around to manage things & you gotta manage everything on your own! Laundry, food, trasportation (walking takes up time you know!) & their mere presence which would somehow calm things down a bit??? You don't stress as much when you're around ppl than when you're by yourself!

Aaahhhhhh......!!

Ok, ok. No point stressing. It'll mess up my hormones & just make me more sick than I am right now. But why cant I not stress.. or rather, HOW do i not stress!? *sniff*

This is insane stressing. I should take one step at a time, one day at a time & not look to the future..............

Who cares if exam starts on the 3rd of november & that the syllabus for all 4 subjects only finishes 2 weeks before exam (ridiculous aint it!?)..& that there'd be only one study week right after that?!

HOW CAN I NOT CARE????????????

*faint*

On the brighter side, at least i finish early & can even go back right after the paper if i want to on the 10th...

Sucha waste tho. I wanted to celebrate my birthday here!! But it seems exam ends earlier than anticipated. If i stayed back to celebrate my birthday, most of them would have already gone back, seemingly as we're all doing the same course (& everyone would wanna rush home as soon as they can) & I would be staying back another 6 'wasted' days...As for the rest, they'd be having their exams during that period so...................hmm...no point staying back....???

AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh...I just cant wait to go homeeeeee!! AFter alll the stress & 'hardship' of living on my own.. I need to be pampered!!! With good (expensive) food...a nice, clean & cosy home with my own beloved room i didnt think i'd miss....my friendss...gurney!!! & GSC...the car!!!!!!............& the club! Gosh. Need to go swimming/gym everyday & burn off everything i piled on over here the 2-3months i'm back! It's not impossible!!

YAY! I can't wait to go back now.....!!!!

BRING IT ON, EXAMS! I'LL FACE YOU HEAD-ON!!

wooohooo!

If only i'll continue to feel this optimistic tomoro onwards til i'm done with the papers.....

SLIM CHANCE!

Thank You God for Everything!!

2007-09-21T19:10:00.000+09:30

From TWO dilemmas........

to ZERO dilemma.

......in just a little more than 2 hours.

I feel so free!!!!

& so relieved....

....& so grateful for everything.

*sigh in contentment*

blessings.....that lead to a dilemma??

2007-09-21T16:50:00.000+09:30

My group of friends has grown in sem 2 compared to sem 1 & i reeeally really can't thank god enough for answering my prayers & letting me meet really awesome people I can really 'connect' with.

The problem now isss....

How do you split yourself into 3 pieces (or more) according to different groups of friends...??? Things would be wayy easier if i could just merge them all??? That way all of us would be mutual friends & the entire group would hang out altogether & there wouldnt be any hassle & everyone would be in "harmony". But things in life don't just happen so easily, do they??? I wish they did.....

Merging everyone together is possible, but would everyone click with one another?? That's the reason why I have different groups of friends in uni itself cos people just have different personalities, different preferences, tastes, differerent things in common!! At the end of the day, the merged group (IF all were to be merged) would somehow just stick to the people which have got similar tastes as they do..& the group would go back to square one, all split accordingly. Am i right??!! Oh gosh.

FRUSTRATED

I LOVE MY FRIENDSssssssssssssss...!!!!

I really do. Friends are like the most important ppl besides family...Ppl who know me well would know how i cherish my friends.

If i could split myself, things would be fine!

Why do i feel guilty?! It feels as if i'm not spending enough time with one group of friends than the other or another....argh!! Is it me, or is it them...? I am so cluelesss..!! I seem to not know what is happening with group A these days. Prolly cos it's partially my fault since i'm just soo lazy to chat on msn these days unless ppl click on me. yeh yeh *roll eyes* i admit i've become one of those ppl i couldnt really stand (cos you gotta always click on them before they actually tlk to you). lol.

Neway yeh. My concept in things now is that I'll hang out with whomever asks me out first. Group B has things going on most of the time, so i've been hanging out with group B often these days, but that doesnt mean i've neglected group A. Cos i know i havent. BUt i dont know why i get this feeling that they think i've neglected them or something =\ oh gosh. help meeeeee...!! I mean, i'm tryinggg... I'm trying to split my time, so i can accommodate them all & not seem like the bad person..like i'm choosing group B or C over group A, or that i'm choosing group A over group C...whatever it is!!!

EE LIN, PRAS...whoemverrrrrrrrrrrr..Am i doing the right thing?? Gosh, please tell me, cos i really dont know if this tactic is the right thing to do... *sob*

This has no relevance whatsoever, but after anthony's death, i feel like i've become so emo, a lil thing which happens just triggers my emotions & makes me depressed, or stressed or frustrated so easily. I hate feeling this way... But how do you keep everyone close to you when you have to manage a few groups at once..?

I really do not know...

I think i'll just go with the flow...

Yep, that's what i'll do.

I just don't want any miscommunications or misunderstandings that i always choose one group over the other group.

Yes??

..................

CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

swollen eyes..a heavy heart....but nothing can bring him back......

2007-09-09T18:41:00.000+09:30

How could someone die like this.....?? He got knocked down by someone... It wasn't even his fault...!! That's the worst thing EVER. A hit and run......... That *&%$# person cost his life just like that...!!!

What's wrong with ppl in this world these days???? Why do they do things that are out of this...thinking or just totally out of what a human mind is able to make out?!? Why do they have brains when they do things which are just unthinkable??!

Oh gosh.....I still can't really believe it... An innocent life........Everything just seems so unfair at this point...

Sigh...now that he's gone, i think about him more than ever...and it hurts to think that i'll never get to talk to him anymore.....

...............the tears will keep flowing everytime i think about him...............................

One lesson i learned from this is that we should never take anything for granted.....

Life is just too short...

Life is short and unpredictable.....

2007-09-07T18:40:00.000+09:30

*sigh*...i don't even know how to begin.. Everything still seems as though it's a lie..but if it was really a lie.......i wouldnt be crying my eyes out.........

I was checking my mail and there was one with the subject "prayer for anthony". I knew it wasnt good, but what i had in mind was that he had some kinda illness or is admitted into hospital due to something...Clicked on the link to open the mail, feeling sorta worried with what was wrong with him......

I was TOTALLY not prepared for what the whole thing was all about...

Read the first sentence....and........i felt my heart break and plummet to my stomach...It was so sudden, i wasn't prepared, i never knew such a thing could happen to somebody i knew and was so close to, somebody i used to share part of my life with. I was too shocked to cry, I kept reading the sentence over and over again till it made sense and then the tears flowed... It couldnt be trueee............................!!!!!!!

.....but i guess i can't lie to myself and believe he's still living in this world when he's passed away.................

sigh. What is god's plan exactly......??? He's just 30..a whole life ahead of him and .. i dont even know how/what happened!! Knocked down by a car accident? What, was he in the car? Or crossing the road when some stupid driver knocked him??! Whose fault was it?!!

OMG!! It feels so unreal!! How could he be......... ='( I find it so hard to believe......................... I keep thinking i'd meet up with him one day..which is what i've always wondered...when we'd ever meet up...It looks like we'll never meet again............

Anthony used to be the bass guitarist in Young Praisers, the church band i'm in...we used to have loads of fun, he was always the crazy guy, cracking lots of stupid jokes..although he was the eldest among all, he acted our age...He was always there..a good listener and advisor...I loved him. Everybody did....He had to stop playing for YP cos he had to move to KL to work and I never got to see him every weekend anymore at church.....We'd always keep in touch on the phone, he'd call now and then and we'd chat for an hour on the phone, talking about nonsense, but he'd always make me hang up with a big stupid smile on my face. I would always be wondering when he'd hav a business trip down to penang or a leave or whatever from work....he hardly goes down to penang ever since he moved to KL due to being SO busy at work...We only met up once when he went down to penang and that was like....2005??! Didn't see him ever since......never gonna be able to see him anymore. Why, why....why does this have to happen....I don't understand.........=(

I can't accept this.......!!!!!!! The last conversation we had on the phone was before I came here in january... I get fwded emails from him occasionally. I can't imagine having everything about him suddenly gone from my life. How could it?!! I never got to tell him that I think about him sometimes and miss him..although miles away... gosh. I havent seen him for soo long....!!! Why couldnt I just meet him again before he goes??

My nose is so stuffed I have to breathe thru my mouth and my eyes feel so swollen... but all this doesnt make my heart feel whole although it's said that crying makes things better.........W-H-Y... I don't think i'll ever understand why.. If only god could tell me why...

sigh.

May his soul rest in peace.......

PS. When things like this happen...(this is the first time someone so dear to me has left me.. not taking into account grandparents...those are natural deaths/deaths due to old age...but such sudden deaths.............this is the first..and i hope it's the one and only....) it really shakes me up to realise how someone next to you could just go in a blink of an eye. You dont know when at all it could happen..........

To all my friends out there...i know nothing's gonna happen to you, it better not. But if ( again, it better not..ever ever) god decides to take you away... know that you ppl mean a lot.. & i mean A LOT to me. Without you, my life would be nothing. Each one of you contributes something to make life fuller and prettier. I dont know what I'd do without you guys!! Love y'all lots......

& i think i'm going blind at this stage...

yahooooo..!!!

2007-09-04T21:37:00.000+09:30

Happy happy!

I bought a new camera today! Lol. Feels so unreal actually having a new camera already.. i bought it so quick...hehehh..But i dont think i'll be able to survive till november to go back and buy, so decided to just get it today since one shop still has the father's day promotion on.

I am now the proud owner of a Canon Ixus 70.

woohoo..!!!

& i really hope & pray that no other series of unfortunate camera events will befall me....The first camera i had, an Olympus brand, only lasted for bout 3 years when something happened to it and it got spoiled on its own. The screen actually went static. Or whatever it's called. It had those black and white lines...as in how a TV would have if there's something wrong with the signal and stuff. Stupid camera. Boycotted Olympus since that incident.

Then the second camera............my A540 Canon PowerShot............sigh. Still so sad & guilty thinking about it. But at least I already told my parents, so burden off my shoulders. Of course, mom sorta 'shouted' and i don't blame her cos i was 'shouting' myself in my heart all this while. lol. It's just one year old. Argh.. yeah still very frustrated. ONE YEAR OLDDddddddd!!!!

okok.. Now, my new & third camera. I hope this camera will last me at least 10 years or around there. I hope I'll use it to the fullest before something happens to it and it gets spoiled by itself or it gets spoiled due to some human carelessness. AT least more than 5 years..if it doesnt last more than 5 years..........gahhh!! no-no. After all i've been thru with cameras, it better last me a great deal of time. Preferably until i get married and have at least one kid.

Canon Ixus 70, make sure you survive till I'm 30!

oooh..! look at how good i'm at at rhymes!

My whipped-up theory

2007-09-03T00:09:00.000+09:30

This was written on thursday, 23rd august......except for some explanations included at current time.

This morning, after classes ended (well, not really since I have tute at 2pm later) I decided to go to Torrens, supposedly the main plan was to brisk walk since i havent really done much exercise these days, but the plan made a whole turn & i went home to get my rosary instead.

Headed over to torrens & tried to find a secluded & quiet spot where i could really pray & have no distractions but it seems as if the river bank is a rather popular spot. Couples under trees cuddling and doin their thing, friends sitting around chit-chatting, joggers jogging by (at 12 stg noon!)...it took me a while to choose a spot further away from the rest of the world.

As i settled down to pray tho, there weren't really ppl distractions but animal distractions instead (those quack-quack creatures). So instead of praying the whole rosary, i only ended up with one decade. So much for my intentions. Resolved to writing in the end.

It's a really good place to think and reflect.. & the weather is just so fantastic today. A light breeze & sunny..with nature all around you (minus the ppl distractions)..So perfect & peaceful.

Anyway, i've been trying to think about stg that would link my thoughts to the fruits (the previous blog titled 'random'). It's kind of true how some things happen in the weirdest & contrasting ways. Something supposedly big could end up small (like the apple) & stg which is supposed to be small, ends up big (the strawberry).

If life uses the theory of the apple & strawberry, everything would be right. We could make big problems small....& the little things which we overlook sometimes could be made more important & significant.

I guess human nature somehow makes us think problems as big things; even if they arent, we make it big by worrying about it, stressing about it, feeding so much attention to it that a small problem becomes big. But what if we decide to take the other course and not feed our problems with "nutrients"?? It might just shrink & be smaller than its supposed size, & yet it'll still be the same ol' problem (that apple tasted just like any other apple double its size neway). Conclusion is, a problem will still be a problem no matter what. The difference is that we can either choose to feed it with attention & use up our positive energy doing so, or we can choose to do stg more productive with our feelings & time.

That leads to the strawberry. Things which are small...things we hardly think about doing or simply things we forget about. If we 'enlarge' a small thing and make it big, it'd be more fruitful & it makes you feel fuller. For instance, sitting by the river like that & writing (this is the first time doin such actually) makes me feel heaps better than if i were to be spending this time in the library reading up on my law assignment instead. We should be doing the things we hardly do more often...like spending time with friends & having heart-to-heart talk or just merely anything more productive that would make the small bigger (little important things) & the big smaller (petty problems).

At the end of the day, when the supposed-big and the supposed-small are put together like this,

you get a balanced & fuller life!!!...where problems would be the same size as the other little important things. Or better, if the apple would be smaller still and the strawberries larger. Wouldn't everybody be happier then?? That way, we get to enjoy a larger portion of juicy, sweet strawberries & be satisfied with a smaller-sized apple - so eating an apple whole would be way easier when your mouth could just open wide the size of the apple itself rather than hurting yr jaw when trying to take a bite off from a big apple.

Yes, you're right. The last part had no relevance whatsoever =)

Have a great day & follow my apple-strawberry theory! hehehh...

............thennnnnnnnn......that's when my camera "breathed its last breath". The irony of it all...after i finished writing on such a positive topic, something totally negative had to happen to me. & i felt happy and accomplished after i finished writing...and had to feel majorly, totally sad and depressed in after 5 mins. A total plunge. Tried to apply my own (apple-strawberry) theory to the situation too..to try making the problem seem small...since a camera's just a material possesion...but didn't quite work..Cos the costs outweighed the benefits..as in with my camera..

*SIGH* ALL OVER AGAIN!

PS. Let me know if the apple-strawberry theory actually works in real life. lol! oooh...! & the strawberries i mentioned which look like an ass! There's actually one in the picture! The one on the far right. Looks like an ass huh??! (hahaha i know..im excited cos i thought there were no pics of it)

cryin my lil heart out..

2007-09-01T02:55:00.000+09:30

It's been a week and one day. No more droplets on the screen, viewfinder or watever it's called was cleared of water. Everything looked as if it was dried on the inside already... Said a little prayer, inserted the SD card and batteries and decided to see if my camera still worked or not. Took a deep breath...pressed the on/off button............nothing happened. Pressed on it again - harder this time, thinking it might be because i didnt apply enough pressure on the button so it might not have worked (yea yea..hardcore, desperately-tryin-to-be-postive-but-also-silly thinking). Of course, the screen didnt light up even after i pressed on the button another time and another after that -_-

My camera is officially dead. It's just one year old... =( I'm too sad (and guilty for having to use up another lump sum of my parents' money so soon) that i dont know what to do with it. What do you do with a spoiled, dead camera?? Do you keep it or throw it away..??? *sob* No miracle happened.........

But on the bright side, I guess it just means i get to get another camera..a better one..and hopefully cheap as well. A cheap, good one.... Sigh. ARGH!!!! How could i have been so careless!!? Should have kept the camera in my bagggggg.... Or shouldnt have taken it to torrens at all.. ='(

*filled with so much regret*

well...........nothing i can do about it.......................except to get another new camera..which would be my THIRD camera.

sigh. Feel so bad and so sad. So bad and so sad...soo badd and sooo saddddddddd... =(((((

...havent even told my parents about it. When i do get a new camera, i'm not sure if i should tell them at all or pretend that i'm using the same camera..loll..i'll feel too guiltyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! (to tell them the truth).....

*ouch* My heart hurts!!! sakit hati mannnn..I wont really give a damn if the camera's like 3 -5 yrs old. I mean, i'll be sad but at least it's already been used up 3-5 yrs. It's already depreciated. Whatever. Accounts. But ONE year is just...tooo soon. ahhhhhhhh. Okok, shouldn't talk about it anymore. Going to sleep.

*sniffles*

...I had false hope. I thought the camera would work. Since 4 ppl already told me to let it dry off and then try it - it should work. But it didnt. And i actually expected the screen to light up when i pressed the on button but it didnt.....!!!!!!!!!! I expected too much. I can't live without a cameraaaa!!!! I need one! But how am i gonna wait till nov to go back and get it?! please god, let there be a $300-priced camera over here.....

*sob*

...I could go on and on. I. cannot. stand. this.

Sadness, frustration, anger, guilt, regret!!!!

argh~! Ok. Need sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Random

2007-08-25T23:37:00.000+09:30

I was at Central Market last Friday for fruit-shopping. Yea, not grocery shopping but fruit shopping. Anyway, bought a couple apples, kiwis & strawberries. When I got home, I couldnt help it but to snap pics of the apples and strawberries. You'll see why.... (& i duno why i cant get the header 'a mini apple' to move down if there arent words written here..pressed enter to move, but after publishing it's as if i didnt press enter at all)

A mini apple

A giant strawberry

Notice how the strawberry is almost the same size as the apple. Since we don't get things like this back home, I just had to take a picture. It's too cool to forgo it.

The whole lot of strawberries after de-stemming them. Those strawberries were the oddest i've seen. And the hugest. And also the most out of shaped strawberries. I guess the latter falls under "the oddest". Usually strawberries have that..near-heart-shape look..as in wide on the top and pointy at the bottom....ah. There IS one normal looking strawberry in that whole bunch of weird ones. If you look carefully, it's the one on the far left of the bowl. I think that's the only normal strawberry. The rest were really in the weirdest shapes. Some come in square, some even look like an ass. lol. I'm serious!! It's rounded in shape, and there was a line splitting the strawberry in the middle. Totally reminded me of a butt. Should have taken a pic of it..but it was large and ugly so no point taking.

And for those who love strawberries and chocolate, try this: cut yr strawberries into halves and then use a spoon and scoop one spoonful of nutella (of course it depends how much strawberries you have, cos one spoonful of nutella is a lot..using table spoon) and spread it onto the strawberries. Since it's not melted chocolate, it wont really stick to the strawberries but better than nothing right? You get your own chocolate semi-coated strawberries! A healthy way to satisfy yr sweet tooth. Of course, limit the nutella cos you'd tend to scoop another spoonful and eat the hazelnut choc off the spoon after that. I dont know about you but that's what happens to me...! *uhoh*

Or another healthier option - apples this time: cut a whole apple into pieces, maybe into quarterly pieces or however small you want it to be, and then using a spoon, the same thing with the strawberries except this time, it's not nutella but peanut butter! It won't stick as well, cos fruits have got a smooth surface or its just the spread which is unspreadable. Anyway, use a knife to spread the peanut butter onto the apple pieces like how you'd spread peanut butter on bread. It's yummy and more healthy than the nutella & strawberry option. Provided you use good peanut butter that is. As in, get the less fat one..yada yada...otherwise some peanut butter spread may contain more of those unhealthy fats if you get those cheap ones. So yeh..a dessert/snack full of protein and fibre and a lil carbs. HEALTHY!

Lol. I wasn't meant to include these so-called dessert/snack ideas but at the last minute, decided to spice up this entry with something interesting that others might like to try out and enjoy as well..cos i do enjoy them! (otherwise i wouldnt have bothered sharing). Of course the strawberry and nutella one is way better...

stressed & feeling down-der than down.

2007-08-25T16:41:00.000+09:30

I've been feeling so stressed out and down I just feel like burying myself. And this time, it isn't stressed because of studies. It's stressed because of health. I don't know why is it that one thing after another is 'attacking' me. As if 6 ailments ain't enough, now i have another one. Well not exactly 6 ailments altogether but more like ailments + health problems. Sigh. I'm not exaggerating at all. I have health problems starting from my head section down to my legs. Ok, ok. This is more like a self-pity post...but they really are starting to overwhelm me so much that I can't do things properly now. When things are supposed to be fun, i'm not having 100% of my share of fun cos of these disturbances... And the recent one with my ear is starting to get to me so bad I just feel like sleeping the whole day and not having to wake up. My whole head feels so imbalanced cos of this and even music, which is supposed to relieve someone of everything, isn't helping me at all. Everything sounds so distant and I feel like I'm living in a dream and everything around me is just surreal....I HATE feeling this way..!! I feel so sick...... =( Sigh. If only all these health problems would go away. That would totally help with my stress levels......I think I need to ask for lots and lots of prayers. That's the only thing left to help me..it's the only thing i'm depending on now since medication won't help..if there even is medication for some.....sigh. God help me........!! i need You.... ='(

Bad bad day......

2007-08-23T17:49:00.000+09:30

My damn camera rolled into the damn river today.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was at torrens river today, being thoughtful and writing down my thoughts to be posted here. Everything was going fine till I got up to pack up and leave. I thought my camera was in the bag...but it was actually on my lap. And i got up too fast and watched in horror when I saw something rolling down the river bank fast and going into the water....realizing that 'something' was my camera!!!! When i got near the water to retrieve it, the whole thing had already submerged, cover and all.

Quickly tried to 'recover' it wiping watever water I could but i think a lot of water seeped inside the unreachable areas. The cover was soaking and dripping with water as well but i couldnt care less about the cover. I bought the camera just like... last year...!!!! Sigh. I could cry......... =(

I was so sad and panicky and...yeh. SO sad. Sigh. My ear was disturbing me today as well, having one side gone blocked and everything I hear is just...weird and when i talk, i hear my own voice like how you would if you were to talk when your hands are clamped over yr ears. SO uncomfortable. As if this was not enough, my day had to get worse with the camera incident.

I came back after class ended at 3pm to sleep everything off.. But now that i'm awake, i guess it's still back to reality - my ear is still making me feel 'sick' and my camera is still lying on my table with the screen all filled with droplets of water....

SIGH..... ='(

Amadeus Pt.1

2007-08-22T23:57:00.000+09:30

WOW. Tonight (& last night) was SO awesome..cos we got free tickets to this classical duo called Amadeus, a violinist and pianist performing together. Last night's concert was at some place in the suburbs, on Cremorne St. It was awesome in the sense that the night ended up with lotsa "activities" & good food...(our 'five-some' little secret..hehehe). Tonight's concert was held at Flinders St in the city. I can't begin to tell you how good it was. Ticket price was actually $45 bucks, but we got to watch the concert for free!!!!

How did we get free tickets, you may ask? Well, last sunday after mass, as we were walking out of church there were 2 guys at the entrance handing out flyers and this small piece of paper as the 'ticket', which doesnt exactly match up to the classy looking flyer. So happened joanne and chastine, who were walkin out together then, managed to get an extra 2 more tickets, whereas the other guy only gave me one. So that makes 5 free tickets to the show!

Gosh, the violinist and the pianist were just so good!! I was really awed by the way he played the violin; his hands moved so fast..! If i did that, I think my whole hand would dislocate and drop off my shoulder. No kidding! This is the first time actually, that i've seen a violin performance up close. I'm not really a violin person; I went for the piano part. But..gahhhh. Don't even know how to put my thoughts into words. It was indescribable! Totally value for money mann!! There was even a gourmet supper in between during a break. The food was goooood!! And everything was F-R-E-E. MAnnn..i still cant believe it! So pleased...!! Yeh, i'm smiling like an idiot now.

Anyway, the night ended really good. Only 4 of us went for the concert tonight cos Anthony didnt wanna go tonite after last night. Joanne and Chastine had to leave halfway during the break (after they had stolen some 'gourmet' food..lol) to go to their dance class. So all that was left was Sumi and me. Both of us stayed back when the performance resumed until it ended. The ending part was the best! Saved the best for last, really. It was just so so awesomeeee!!!! So glad for the free tickets and everything..! Cos if joanne and all weren't interested to go, knowing me, i wouldnt have bothered to go as well.

BLISS!!

And yeh, for those girls (like me sometimes, i admit =D ) who generalize when it comes to guys....Well, there really are a handful out there who are seriously sincere and nice and gentleman-like and....I think that's enough to boost their ego.

I didn't know Sumi actually asked one of the guys' to come over to walk me home although I already told her it wasn't necessary & it was actually really safe to walk home alone here. I mean, it's not Malaysia! I wouldnt even dare do that in malaysia. I might have been raped and murdered by then. Lol. Neway back to it. So yeh, we waited for sung to come over to walk me home, Sumi thinking of following him to my place and then walkin back to The Village with him. Instead, Sung came with Anthony and the whole situation was kinda sweet/cute, cos us girls were opposite the street, and the guys were at the other side. Sung came over to where we were, and Sumi walked across the street to where Anthony was.

Yeh, you guessed right! Each of us had an escort!!! Anthony walked Sumi back the other direction and (poor) sung had to walk me back the opposite direction and then head back again the direction he came frmo. I felt so bad..!! Especially when there were ppl around and still cars on the road - it was just bout 1030pm. Not that late, street lamps bright...oh well. lol. Really made my day though.

So yeh, certain guys are good - don't generalize just cos you've met so many of them who're actually the opposites of 'good'. hahahaaa.. Yeh, standing up for the opposite sex and 'promoting' them once in a while when good things happen to you are worth it. I should think. =P

& me being me again, I'm always soooo long winded. DIdn't intend this post to be so long since I was supposed to post pics...but looks like it's ended up long again. And gonna be made longer with the pics. *sigh* Can never change my writing habits huh?

Actually, on second thoughts, i'll just post the pics in another entry. =)

"The Monday-Meal"

2007-08-17T22:06:00.000+09:30

Plain and simple meal it was. Everyone got to the house after uni ended at 11am and I set off to cooking while the rest did last minute tute work before their respective tute classes. lol. I sure didn't know people did tute work on the day of the tute itself. Well, now i know. =D

So yeh, some of them were doing work, while some were fooling around and some were helping me prepare. Chicken wasn't really enough, and since I already mentioned how it shrunk after cleaning them of fat, after cooking them, they shrunk even more. Broccoli wasn't really enough either as 2 extra peeps joined us that day. Plates weren't enough as well (don't blame me ya..! When I moved into this apmt, there were only 7 plates provided) so bowls had to be used. Lol.

Was it a success?? I really don't know. Why dont you tell me. =)

Luckily there was joanne and may to help grill..or was it fry?..the chicken. Didn't think bout how long it would take to actually cook 8 pieces of chicken.. But managed to get everything done in less than an hour. Or was it?

Whew. Was such an experience. If i had tried doing that all alone, it would have been hectic preparing for so many ppl. But guess it was a good experience. You learn as you grow. Lol.

Thanks to those who helped out here and there; especially the clean up! Damn. Totally forgot to take a picture of jason washing up all the plates. Such an angel. hahahaa..! Hardly ever see guys doing the dishes. heh. And shi wei cleaned the whole stove. wow. Everyone was so cooperative and helpful, it almost felt as if we were in the midst of a 'gotong-royong'. hahahaah!

guys foolin' around in my room...now i wonder if they opened my wardrobe in my absence..

the ''homeworkers''

the cooks and the intruder in white. lol

the try-hard look alike chicken chop meal. hahahaa..wat a disaster. The best looking ones are the 2 plates from the left. They were all supposed to look like that but unfortunately, we ran out of ingredients

us girls

what gender is this...?

all that was left of us

oooh yeh. Totally forgot to mention how sweet the guys were (dont get big-headed after reading this okayyy....!!). lol. I had my personal msg on msn as a complaint and jason asked me about it so I told him all about the hours it took to clean the chicken up! At first he laughed and nearly made me 'angry'. I was almost gonna say "You dare laugh some more..?!!" but before I could, he offered to come over to help and thanked/apologized a couple times. LOL. Then there was sung. He happened to read my blog (my complaining in the previous post) and actually called me up to ask if i needed help! Awwww. I was so.. "moved". AHhahaa.. Soo sincere. Gosh. =)

So yeh, that's about it for the meal.

Whose turn to cook next?!!?

NEVER EVER..

2007-08-10T23:57:00.000+09:30

EVER EVER will i agree to cook againnnnnn...!!!!! Last week, my friend(s) was(were) asking where we were goin for lunch right after we were done with our lectures. And so, I told them I had to go home cos I already took my frozen fish out of the freezer to defrost it, thus, i couldnt join them for lunch that day. That simple question-answer lead to a topic about cooking and what is or has been cooking..and then..

Sung: hey, why don't you cook for us one day.. we'll go over to yr house for lunch.. make it monday!

Shi Wei: yeh.. Cook for us..!

Jason: yaaa..we'll go over to eat...!

Me: errrr......okkkk.... (thinking it'd be a chance to at least be able to cook for others - others as in more than one person!! Cos i used to cook for my housemate before we decided to cook individually)

The above conversation has been altered of course; don't expect me to remember the convo word for word rightt..

Anyway, I was supposed to cook last monday. But since i didnt go grocery shopping I decided to postpone it to this monday. Went grocery shopping earlier and bought all the things needed for my monday-meal. Am planning to cook a chicken-chop-like meal for them. For those of you who dunno what chicken chop is, it's actually a western meal - chicken with gravy over it and the usual side dishes like mixed vege & chips. But of course, I wouldnt be doing chips, hell no. I don't even have a wok at home and frying chips is just too messy. Neway, yes, i'll be cooking an improvisation of a chicken chop meal.

Got back, kept my things, dumped the big bag of chicken into the freezer (noticing that the plastic bag which contained the chicken was thinning dangerously..meaning it was QUITE heavy...meaning there were MANY pieces of chicken in it...meaning i had to cook for MANY people). So yeh. Dumped the chicken into the freezer for like 5 secs. And then realized I havent cleaned the chicken. Took it back out, took out the first piece....and............O.O (i dunno wat/how some ppl make that emoticon-lookin thing, im not sure if i've done it correctly but it's supposed to be a picture of a big, rounded-eyed person).

I was shocked. Ok. Not like i havent cleaned a chic before but everytime i buy chic, i dont recall seeing that much fat hanging all over it before!!! Shit. Looked into the bag. Realized that all the chicken fillets I've bought were identical to the first one i was holding onto. Felt like crying - literally. So then, I had no choice did I? Settled down to cleaning all 8 pieces of chicken. yes. EIGHT. It took me more than an hour to clean them all of fat and oil. STUPID DAMNED pieces of chicken. WHy did they have to have so much fat around them!? Not only around them but in the middle, and elsewhere!!! All bits and pieces of fat here and there. goshhh. I'll not be touching chicken for a few weeks again...

After cleaning them off, i swear the chicken shrunk in size and the fat which was holding the meat together ended up with holes and gaps in btw the meat. I hope those people would be full cos suddenly a piece of chic looks small. But i really dont give a damn now. After the whole process of cleaning and when i was FINALLY done with those, I decided to just finish with the rest. Might as well, since i was already on with it. So I washed carrots and broccoli and cut them all and stored them into containers for monday. So all i have left to do is just to cook. All preparations done! I ended at 10pm. And here I am typing this away after a shower.

My hands and fingers are all sore and rough and wrinkled and peeling now. Not exaggerating. Cos of the hours preparing and it was wet all the time, not to mention how hard it was cleaning eight pieces of chicken. My nails are all jagged and uneven now due to chicken-cleaning and hours of dampness causing them to be too soft, some just peeled.

GAaaahhhh!!!!! Not gonna agree to cook anymore!! Or maybe it's just the wrong meal to make. Or I just should have bought chic breast instead of chic fillet which doesnt have much fat. Or some guy shouldn't have brought this idea up then I wouldnt have had to cook in the first place. lol. This Monday-Meal better be a success or the people involved would have to pay for the time wasted just to clean chicken!!

PS. Pretty motivating though, as i can show off pictures later of what i've done..seemingly as I havent cooked meals at all back home, and here i am, gonna cook something for a bunch of people. Lol. How funny; my parents would laugh if they heard this.

Some guyyss...sigh

2007-08-05T20:01:00.000+09:30

Last night, my friends and I hung out at a pub after soooo long not hanging out in a group, much less after not meeting some of them for quite some time. We had good fun then headed to O' Connell to have supper. AB it was..yummm. Still don't get why it's called abortion though. Makes such a nice, yummy meal seem so....i-dont-know. Just wonder who came up with that name for a dish, of all names.....

Anyway! That's beside the point. The point is, before the food came up, I walked across the road to the O'Connell bakery shop to see if i could get a warm drink there (and also cos my friend was lookin for a toilet). After getting my drink and on the way back about to cross the street, there was this group of guys sitting down outside and one of them started talkin to me. At first I thought he was asking for directions and I obviously didnt really know the area around so i just shook my head and continued walking on, having to hurry after my friend who was walkin in front. Then I heard him call after saying "....bla bla..he's drunk..." (indicating to one of his friends..altho when i looked, the guy didnt seem drunk at all) Didn't really catch watever he was saying, cos all the time since the time he started talking, I was walking past (so imagine the whole conversation taking place in less than a few secs).

So yeh, I slowed down and paused a few steps away from them, wondering what he meant, whether it was help they needed or something.. *stupidly* I then went "huh? Sorry??" & he said "you're lookin good". BAH. At this point, i just turned on my heel and started walking away, not caring whatever they were on about. Those guys started calling out things at once as I walked quickly away to join my friend who was about to cross the street. Of all the things they were saying, I only caught one sentence and that was "what's your number?!".

I almost wanted to turn around and tell them, "You guys should get a life" before I crossed the street. But on second thoughts, they'd prolly walk over opposite and beat me up.

Australia isn't as different as it is in Malaysia. Although in Malaysia, it would be more disgusting cos there'd be malay guys involved and you don't feel safe at all considering all the rape/molest cases there are in Malaysia, so it's much much worse than it is over here. At least the guys who "disturb" you over here are way cuter too. LOL.

But then, in Malaysia, when any guy says a 'hello' to you as you walk by, you'll know what they're up to. Whereas in Australia, there are certain guys/men who just greet you out of the blue, and you wouldn't know what their intentions are cos some greetings are out of friendliness. That's just the difference.

Other than that....hell. Not much of a difference. A few months ago when i was into "intense" exercising (till i hurt my knee) and would go walking/jogging around torrens river at least 3 times a week, I came across this group of young boys on bicycles. I was brisk walkin, listening to music and enjoying nature around me, not paying much attention to the empty path ahead of me when these boys cycled past. I repeat, they were BOYS. Naturally, i glanced at them - i glance at everyone who comes in the opposite direction on my path cos usually the path would be empty...and that's what everyone would do right?! So yea, i just glanced at them to see if they were hot or anything (hahha..thats when i found out they were boys and lost interest immediately) not expecting anything to happen at all, when the one in front called out "heyy sexyyy..." as he cycled past.

Whooooaa...I almost stopped in my tracks for a minute there (but of course i didnt). THey were boys for goodness sake!!! 13-14 yrs of age maybe? Hell. That was just out of place man..! Lol. I was so surprised and instantly muttered to myself "Guys..." on a note of sarcasm. After that, I continued my walk with all thoughts about guys in Penang and guys in australia, like how im comparing them in this post now. Lol. That shout out totally reminded me and made me picture those really disgustingly horny malay guys back home....BRrrr..

SOme guys really just have nothing else better to do than to sit around and call out something to a girl who passes by. Esp those guys who would sit by gurney drive...penang ppl would know. SO saddening. They should get a life.

ANd I end here with another sarcastic note.

GUYS....!

*roll eyes*

Changed...

2007-08-04T01:26:00.000+09:30

......into someone I'm not.

I finally admit it. I've been trying to ignore it but guess it's becoming too clear even to myself. Dont know if the others might realize but i guess some wouldn't know the difference cos i try to be "normal" when I'm around ppl altho i wouldnt be feeling how i'd be acting. Seems blogging is good in a way where i could just type everything i'm thinking/feeling which I wouldnt feel exactly comfortable with if I tried explaining all this to someone. Sooo yeh. Good & easy way to express myself in one post without needing to wait for the other person to reply if i were to talk to someone regarding this. Does anybody even know what i'm tlkin about here?!

*sigh*

I really dont know what's been up with me. Ever since last sem exams, i've actually been feeling stressed. & depressed. Well, not all the time tho. But the exams really triggered that stress/depressed "hormones" and until now, it seems as tho they can't go away. But like i said, i dont feel that 24/7. Though it's been goin on more often than it should...For goodness sake, i even felt stressed during the mid-sem break!!! Who ever feels stressed out during holidays??!

I guess I was stressed cos i was scared of this sem...Last sem I had only 3 core subjects and 1 elective and that elective was sorta a "free" Distinction since i took up English as a Second Language. So, a total of 3 subjects and i was pretty stressed up already. This sem, I have altogether 4 core subjects, meaning it would be tougher. AND yea, i got stressed thinking about this sem during the holidays....Stupid of me but an idle mind really makes me think about more things than i should be thinking about....

So then, this sem, i've been trying to keep up with every lecture, reading up whatever topics which were going to be taught at lectures and doing tute work one week before the actual tute. Yes, you read correctly. I don't know what's got to me. I feel a sense of accomplishment being able to do everything according to schedule and discovering this really really hardworking and diligent side of me I never thought would become of me. Seriously, when i was in high school & college, i only studied when i had to - and that was before exams.

Believe me, i've always been a lazy girl. Lazy that i always needed to be nagged by parents to go study but not lazy enough that I don't do the day's homework. I was only lazy when it came to studying. But after i got into uni, i realized that if i did what i used to do (ie study only before exam) I wouldnt be able to hold up cos there was just too much to take it and studying last minute will just mean flunking everything.

Anyway, as i was saying, I do feel a sense of accomplishment and sometimes even feel proud cos I'm surprised at how hardworking i've become (which i've never been)...but then....it seems as though studying too much, trying to keep up and be right on schedule is just robbing me of other things which are more important. But if i do something else and neglect the books, i'd end up feeling stressed cos i didnt follow the schedule and have to rush to keep up with it.

So as a summary: I feel stressed out/depressed cos i don't have fun but feel accomplished when i've finished with 'tomorrow's lecture'....at the same time, i'd feel stressed out/depressed if i have fun and then have to rush to catch up. If you still don't get it, whichever i choose, i'd still end up feeling stressed out and unhappy......

And in the sense where i said i've changed into someone im not. Here's what i think has become of me lately:

- antisocial. I've become wayyy antisocial than i ever have been....Talking used to be my favourite thing to do but i hardly talk much these days (maybe cos im always spending my time at home)

- when i'm around friends in uni and if we do hang out after classes have ended for the day, i'd actually be thinking that i should get back to my books soon after hanging out

- i've kinda forgotten what "fun" means on the weekdays..& sometimes weekends if there's nothing on

- i feel "dead" and alone - i only dont feel that when i'm in uni and surrounded by ppl/friends

- i feel like i havent had a good laugh in ages. Wait....altho i really had fun the other night at the casino and laughed SO much then...but still feels as tho i havent laughed in a while

Sometimes i wish i had stayed in a hostel-like place instead. Cos that's where you'd have friends around you 24/7 and you're assured you could go around knocking on their doors when you need them. Although i've got friends but you cant just walk over to wherever they're staying just to unload yr feelings/thoughts or have good girl-talk sessions and then come back. They stay too far away..

& this is the point when you really feel it that your family's not around with you and the house isnt the same when there's absolutely no one talking and you're cooped up in yr room. sigh. No more mom/dad's voice talking on the phone in the background, no more nagging (altho a good thing but i guess some nagging could be used now to create some "noise" in an ever so quiet house), no more talking btw mom & dad, no more tv sounds in the background when dad watches whatever he'd be watching....no more sounds!!!! I'm living in a too-quiet house it's driving me crazy. (i hope my parents will never come across what i just said about them..lol)

SO yeh, i have loads more to say....but all i can say is i only feel in the dumps at certain times - altho happening too often now. There are other reasons as to why i've been feeling depressed/stressed as well. One of them is because i've been with the wrong group of friends at one point and there was just this negative & toxic energy that made me feel drained and uneasy when i was out with them. Thankfully tho, this sem i've managed to find out who my real friends are and obviously am able to get along with this group way better than the one i hung out with last sem.

The other reason why i'm feeling all stressed and depressed is because of my neighbour who's got.....(bla)......everyday. Well, almost everyday. I dont know why, but somehow i dont feel comfortable telling this out loud. Cos i'm NOT supposed to feel this way. But guess it's been going on since...EVER that it's starting to eat away at me a lil. It's prolly due to a bit of jealousy but i can handle that. It's just that....arghhh. You know how when you get too much of one thing, it just makes the whole situation worse than it seems? Okay. Now i dont know what i'm talking about.

And i should prolly go now before i say something i shouldnt reveal .....and before more and more depressing/stressing things are added into this releasing-depression & stress-post which I shouldnt have started with at all.

PS. Advice to all - when i was with the wrong group of friends, it made me realize how important the ppl you mixed with were...and how important friends are when you've found the right ppl you can actually click with and are able to be yourself with.. Pick those friends who're true to you no matter what, even if you 'abandon' them sometimes to other plans you have...Pick those who make you feel energised, confident & optimistic.. & once you've found them, cherish them cos it's not easy to find true friends and without them, you really are nowhere.

....shit.

2007-08-03T00:26:00.000+09:30

Something happened last night.....I will not mention what but only a few know about it. Anyway this "something" made me realize something else which I have not realized...or maybe I've realized but i've been trying to brush it away thinking it wasn't a big deal but after last night, i guess it kind of hit me and shook me up, out of my senses. Again. Or more like..shook me to my senses?? I really dont know which anymore.

*sigh* I hate feeling this wayyy.....!!!! All confused and irrational and "scattered" (my thoughts that is)..not knowing what else to think. No..i dont want to go back to where i came from. But it seems like this is what i do best =S I'm sick and tired of it..! Yet i always find myself at that point i vowed not to go back to any longer.......

I actually felt sad & hurt..cos he wasn't there when i needed to talk to him last night. Altho he was at a friend's house..he told me he was "busy" when i asked if i could call at that time to talk. I knew he was not busy. Or maybe he was "busy" playing games and such. Too busy to be available for me it seemed. He's never there. Especially at times when i need him the most. Bah. Why do i bother sometimes?! I mean, when does he call?? He only calls when he's outside and has nothing to do at that moment, or when he's waiting for something or for some other reasons. I doubt his calls are sincerely because he wants to talk to me. Gosh. Which just means he's using me!!!!

I know, i know. I can be really dumb. And i mean really dumb. For those of you who know what i'm talking about...you know how i've been. Imagine wasting all that time away..when i could have been doin something else more...."beneficial"? Altho i dont know what would have seemed "beneficial" at that time.

But yeh. I know i deserve something more. I'm not dumb when it comes to this. But still, i AM dumb, cos even tho i know i deserve something more, i cant help but to allow those old feelings to come back and attack me! Sooo, at the end of the day, i guess i'm still dumb. -_- That summarizes my dumb-ness and why i'm still feeling this way sometimes. Ok. End of "dumb story".

WOULD SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP FROM THIS MADNESSSSSSSssssssss........................!!!!!!!

Why do i always have to go back to square one?!!! I'm just boosting his ego, his pride and his....guy-esteem!!!! (if there's even such a word) But yes, i do know what i'm doing! But i.can't.help.myself. I'm sooo weak that i cant prevent myself from doing whatever i'm "good" at doing. And that is to be honest with him whenver i have those "attacks" and blurt everything out and then regret it the next day when i realise i've just boosted his self ego and made him feel as tho he can have me back whenever he wishes.

ARgh! I cant be bothered about how much i expose in this post anymore!! I just feel sooooooooo FED-UP! With myself!!!!!!!! *sob in frustration*

SIGH. Really. I thought i'd be on my way. But it seems i'd always halt and turn back. Maybe cos i havent met anything interesting on my journey and that journey's just becoming too empty and barren. Or im just afraid of getting lost in the wilderness....I really dont know..There was a point when my journey was so interesting i just kept going. But who knew the flowers would be all wilted when i continued down the path?

............ =( Gotta get a grip on myself. I will NOT let him win this "war". Altho maybe it's just me fighting against myself. I wish I could read minds. Things would be so much easier if i could just read his.

Amazed...

2007-07-31T23:55:00.000+09:30

Yep, I still can't seem to stop being amazed............at the many varieties of confectionary and biscuits available over here. The biscuit and confectionary section of the supermarket always attracts me. It's the most interesting aisle to walk down on, checking out the different, different kinds of biscuits..esp those which are choc-coated.....gosh..YUMmmYy...

As for the confectionary section, there are just so many different kinds of choc bars (the single bars) and the best thing is that the supermarkets have got specials on different choc bars at different weeks. *sigh*

Anyway, the thing which amazes me more is how ONE brand has SO many products. I mean c'mon man...Arnotts has like SOOOOO many types of biscuits from timtams to other choc-coated biscuits to those normal, plain milk biscuits to those cream-filled ones to healthy fruity ones to.......Yea, I know I spend a lot of time looking at biscuits when I'm at the supermarket. Sometimes just lookin at them for fun just cos it's nice to look at them. Lol.

Well, maybe there are also a variety (altho I'm sure it can't be as many as it is here) of biscuits and chocs back home but the difference is that I hardly ever bother to walk down the confectionary aisle when i'm at supermarkets back home. So prolly that might explain why I'm so "awed" with all the biscuits and chocs over here...cos it's here when i picked up the bad, unhealthy eating habit of biscuits & chocs. So.....seems like i just realized how there are so many yummy-looking-and-tasting biscuits around. When i get back, I'm gonna make a trip to the supermarket just to compare the varieties of biscuits from back home with them here. Hahaha..i know im crazy. But it just striked me how come i havent seen this much stuff back home before.

And it scares me how much i've been eating chocs lately. Previously, i got addicted to timtams and other biscuits dipped with milk. Then I managed to cut down on it till i totally stopped eating biscuits. Thought my misery was over...........when suddenly I became addicted to chocs. Kept buying $1 choc bars whenever there was a discount on them. Kept eating. Like one every 2 days?? Or maybe one bar per day?! AHhh!! I NEVER ate chocs or biscuits when i was in penang!!!! Ok, maybe not "never" but i'd eat a choc like once in....a month??? Or more than that. & I hardly felt like eating biscuits at all. If i ever ate some, it was a big deal. And my dad had to ASK me to eat them/OFFER me them chocs and biscuits, otherwise i just wouldnt bother. Compare that with NOW! One choc bar per day!! *faint*

I'm trying to cut down on them now. So far i've managed to stay off it for 2 days. I even made my own sign/post/shoutout to myself and printed it out to be pasted on the wall in front of me. Hope it'd work. Whenever i feel like snacking i'd read it and stop myself from eating. Cos i have, & am becoming, really fat...... =( If the "warning" doesn't work, i dont know what else can help me to stop snacking. I just pasted the sign a few hours ago..lol.. so we'll see if it works. *fingers crossed* (cancel that) *fingers crossed tightly with eyes clenched shut in hope*

JOY!

2007-07-29T01:00:00.000+09:30

What a blast! It's been a loooong time not hanging out with friends this way but tonight really reminded me of old times when everyone back home would be hanging out in a big group, eating, chatting, laughing.....camwhoring. LOL. Or more like having photography sessions. I miss those times with friends back home SO much. Especially the photo-taking sessions with the girls and all, laughing and trying out different poses & simply taking lotsa pics!! I'm glad I got to do that tonight! Altho not hardcore posing as how it'd be. Hahahaaa...It's not weird but we, as girls, simply have fun when it comes to "photography". =D

*sigh* SO MUCH FUNNnn....!! The company was great. It's nice to be able to be yourself when you're around others..that's the most important thing ever. It just proves you're with the right group of people who can really make you feel at ease and not all uneasy or having to gather some enthusiasm forcefully. All in all, you just feel gooood. Okok..enough crap.

Neway, activity for the night was dinner at the casino after doin much reasonably-priced-restaurant hunting, chatting, doing stupid things (only Sung), picture-taking, laughing, more picture-taking. And then the guys gambled a bit while the girls watched. When they were satisfied, we went and had dessert at one of the restaurants where there was a promotion: coffee+cake. Made the poor waitress repeat herself so many times (haha!). More picture-taking. Then all headed home.

Lol. The most brief narration ever from me. As you can see by now, I suck at making things brief. They're always long and in-detail. Lucky for you, it's late now which explains the very short summary for the night...so you dont have to read long long posts like the previous stuff I've posted..i know, i know..I've got comments saying my entries are like essays. Well, maybe they are =P Which explains why i considered journalism. I would've loved submitting such stuff like the entry below for publishing in magazines....meh.

Neway, some pics below...where all the fun is captured. Good stuff.

From left: see kit, me, joanne, shi wei

The two cheeky guys: sung & jason

All of us!...with the colourful machine lights in the background.

empty dessert plates, satisfied smiles....a nice way to end the day.

WhEee.....!! What a GrEeeaTt night!

Types of GIrLs

2007-07-19T01:33:00.000+09:30

Oh ho-ho. Interesting topic I'm very delighted to write about. I give myself a pat on the back for having this sudden creative topic come into my mind. Heheh. And I won't be just crapping. I actually DO know these types of girls and am writing thru what I've come across. Yes, all these categories really do exist, I'm not making it up. & that's what makes this entry the more interesting when people I do know (who reads this) would be wondering who I'm actually talking about =P

Surprising how after putting them down into categories, there are actually so many different types of girls who have got different attitudes when it comes to the dating scene. Or rather, when it comes to guys alone.

Guys who're reading this - who knows, you might be able to put this entry into use and know the type of girl you're actually dating =D

I shall be random and write whatever that comes to mind first...and also will include a quote which fits the appropriate category mentioned, if there is one.

And here, I present to you the types of girls that exist in my world alone. More than one category might belong to the same person or one category might be a combination of a few ppl I do know.

The Shy
This girl might be a naturally shy girl who is not really exposed to the relationship area and does not know how to handle a situation when it comes to a guy. Or she could be the 'other' shy girl who is usually quiet, does not have many friends and is most of the time by herself. Oh, on second thoughts, that's more like a loner so forget about the second point. Anyway, this type of girl would usually be a quiet, sweet girl who just blushes most of the time when around the guy she likes. She has no experience whatsoever and is naive. She only opens up to ppl she trusts and can be quite bubbly once you get to know her well.

The Low Self-esteem
This girl somehow has the concept that she is not good enough for the guy she likes. She has an insecure edge and sometimes might think that she does not deserve the guy because she doesn't match up to him..or prolly cos she thinks the guy deserves someone better than she is. But then, who gets what they want if they think they're not good enough? A low self-esteem will only allow your target to be whisked away into someone else's grasp before you even know it. Be confident, stand tall. You dont have to be perfect in order to think you're good enough for him. The challenge and the fight alone is enough. Instead of having the thought like 'I don't have a chance', have some other thought like 'Everybody's got a chance'. It just depends whether you get it but at least there's still hope. The movie 'Maid in Manhattan' by Jennifer Lopez is a great example. A senator dating a hotel roomkeeper. Worlds apart, but still possible. Altho I havent come across this in real life before but..lol. Everything's possible. After all, the most imporatant part of you will always be what's on the inside.

The Obsessive/Insecure
She can't lose sight of him for more than ten minutes. His phone rings often when she isn't with him and his inbox is filled with her msges. She gets jealous easily when he is around other girls and wants him all to herself. Sometimes she can be like a mother, setting rules for him in the relationship and expecting him to follow them. When he does not, she gets all upset and thinks he doesn't care about her. Which guy would want to be tied down in a relationship filled with "rules" though? If he calls at 8.30 instead of 8.00 like he said he would, she would be distraught until he calls. She knows his daily schedule at the tips of her fingers and always wishes to know his whereabouts every minute of the day. She watches him like a hawk and obliges in everything the guy wants even if it is inconvenient to her. This kind of girl would normally end up alone at the end, as the guy would dump her (unless he loves her too much) cos no guy would want a doormat girlfriend who is obsessed to the max over him.

The Flirt
Every good looking or not too bad looking guy she comes into contact with would be chatted up. This girl is the flirt queen, the one who is good at tossing her hair over her shoulders, batting her eyelashes and flashing a hundred megawatt smile. Oh, and probably touching the person she's talking to once in a while. The works. Tell me if she's got a boyfriend. When Guy isnt around, she turns on full flirt-mode. But when Guy is around, she's an angel and a goody-goody. When out with friends, she's usually the type to gossip about others and who knows the latest gossip. She'd be a fashion freak and is up-to-date with the latest fashion..well, most of the time. Her voice might be honey-coated (for the sweet-flirt) or husky (for the hot-flirt). What's the difference you may ask? The sweet-flirt looks sweet, the hot-flirt looks hot. Easy as A, B, C. The Flirt would always have a bit of an attractiveness in her (whether sweet, hot or in the middle) cos who would flirt when they're not looking good? Common sense.

The Confused
She doesnt know what she wants. Uh-huh. She might want 5 guys at the same time. But too bad she can only make one choice and have one guy. And that's why she's single most of the time. She can't make decisions when it comes to love prolly cos she can be too cautious...or perhaps she's just afraid to fall in love cos of its responsibilities and being in a commitment. Altho she's sure she likes a guy, she doesn't have courage or confidence in starting a relationship because she wonders what may happen with the relationship. Most of the time, she shrinks away - that explains how she's always single. What The Confused doesnt know is that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

The Loyal
This girl has a big BIG heart. She's nice, she's sweet, and she gives the best she can in a relationship. Once she's taken, she hides nothing when a guy chats her up. While some girls may go along with flirting when Guy isnt around, The Loyal may flirt back, but doesn't show as much interest as she could have. She knows she isn't available and does not cause the other party to think she is still available. To put it in simpler words, she does not lead other guys who are interested in her on. She is faithful to the one who loves her and makes it clear to others who keep pursuing her that she is not interested. She doesnt think about going out on dates with someone else interested in her (what's the point when you're just giving them hope and allowing them to continue hunting you down) and two-timing is not in her vocabulary. Her concept? Treasure the one who loves you for it isn't easy to find a person who loves you.

The Independent
The independent one is often categorized as a "Good bitch". The BITCH which means 'Babe In Total Control of Herself'. A strong-minded girl who doesn't give a damn about anything going on around her, be it good or bad. She's usually in her own world and hardly cares about what others may think of her. She is strong-willed and is able to go on in life without having to depend on a guy. She places her boyfriend after her friends and does not get terribly crushed when a break up occurs. She picks herself up fast with the thought that everything happens for a reason and moves on quickly, knowing that something else better is waiting for her. She is a girl full of pride and who loves a fight. If a guy breaks up with her, she's not the type to go running back to him. Her motto: "Love is yours when it's meant for you. So give it wings to fly - if it's really for you to keep, it'll fly back to you"...the exact words from the 'Bitch' herself. ;)

The Needy
'Never make somebody your everything cos when they're gone you've got NOTHING'. This girl TOTALLY needs to have this quote glued to her brain since she always lets herself get hurt over and over again. The total opposite of The Independent, The Needy is one who totally depends on a guy. Worse, she gives a 100% of her heart to a particular guy. She's willing to do anything for her boyfriend, calls and msges him often, has to see him often and puts him as a priority. That's why she gets insanely heartbroken when the relationship ends. She is dependent on love; once a relationship ends and she comes across another guy interested in her, she jumps into it and devotes herself fully to the guy. Relationship ends, totally heartbroken, finds another guy, gets on with it and whole process begins from starting point again. The Needy has part of The Obsessive/Insecure traits in her. She also has a number of boyfriends depending on how long a relationship lasts and how soon she meets another.

The Dependent
This girl is something like The Needy but in a different kinda sense. The Needy is loyal but The Dependent might not be loyal. She is just dependent on love when she has no one else to love. She depends on physical contact in the lovey-dovey sense. Long-distance relationships are not for her, whereas The Needy is able to handle them. The Dependent might be in a relationship even when her heart belongs to someone else, someone she cannot get ahold of. She, just like The Needy, has many boyfriends. When one relationship ends, she jumps into another all for the sake of love and affection. The difference between The Needy and The Dependent is that The Needy devotes herself entirely while The Dependent does/might not. The Dependent gets into relationships as a 'pit stop' before finding 'The One'. A quote The Dependent would need to seriously consider is this: 'Don't hold something in your arms that you could never hold in your heart'.

The Playgirl
This version is the "Bad bitch". Unlike The Independent who happens to be the "Good bitch", The Playgirl is a full-on bitch-bitch. She has flings, lots of relationships, two-(three-four-)times for all you know and doesnt give a damn as to whose heart she breaks. She likes to have fun with guys and is a major flirt. Nothing much to say about her and since we all know how they are.... so let's move on.

The Choosy/Future-Seeker
She has her own expectations when it comes to guys and only looks for a guy who fulfills her list of traits. Looking for a guy is rather time consuming as it is hard to find him. She only allows herself to start a relationship with a guy who has most of what she is looking for. She doesnt fall in love easily but when she does, she cherishes him. She does not simply get on with a guy "for the fun of it" even if it means to try out the relationship with someone she might like. She totally makes sure she really likes a guy before getting on with him. She seeks long-term relationships whereby her boyfriend could possibly end up her husband. That makes her single most of the time until she comes across someone worth considering.

The Attention-Seeker
The title says it all. She enjoys attention. In fact, she may enjoy receiving attention from someone else other than her boyfriend that she hides the truth in order to get the most out of both worlds. She loves being showered with gifts and warms up to guys who make her feel special. But what The Attention-Seeker needs to know is that 'If you find somone else in love with you and you dont love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain'.

The Manipulator/Dominator
This girl has her way. She dominates the relationship, her boyfriend adores(/worships?) her to the max and gives her anything and everything she might wish for. She is spoiled rotten and sometimes takes it for granted. She has an aura of power(?) and charm and is intelligent in certain ways...the manipulative ways of course. Usually her boyfriend respects her and showers her with lots and lots of gifts. Most of the time, her boyfriend doesn't have a say; she does.

That sums up the types of girls who exist.........This is crappy. I feel like i've just written an entire book instead of a blog entry. Hell, it IS long..!! Anyway, to those of you girls who're reading, no offense if you may think any of those categories happen to suit you and that I'm writing about you (but then I actually am that's why it's said to be types of girls i know)...But even if they do get to you, it's a fact so don't get mad..Be a sport...? It's just a blog after all..You can kill me later if you think it's you I'm actually talking about. =D

ANd if you're wondering which am I, I'll just be honest and let you know, my categories arranged according to 'strengths'. Lol. Here goes..The Loyal, The Choosy/Future-Seeker, The Confused, The Needy. But these, I'm not totally sure. The ppl who know me well would be able to tell. Ask them instead. & that's enough for today. More than enough.

Dream BIG!

2007-07-16T22:57:00.000+09:30

How often do we hear of people who actually opt for their interests rather than for "fortune"'s sake these days...I find that people nowadays are engaged in courses they only have a slight interest in - or totally do not have any interest in it at all. Why? What happened to those days when people took up jobs they actually love doing??

Blame the world! Things are becoming more and more complex that even a single degree after graduating from uni is not enough to get a good job. People only feel consoled if they earn a higher and better ranking than the rest. But when is this ever going to end? The challenge to outdo each other is neverending. A double degree used to be a "wow" thing back in the early days. Today, gaining a Masters or Honours is nothing really special though you get a plus from it.

Anyway, that's besides the point. Hearing someone doing something they actually love is becoming rare.

Reasons why fewer people are doing things they love:

1. Pressure from parents wanting them to do some other thing - parents' choice. Never happened in the old days did it?
2. To earn more money to get a better future...since doing something you love would get you 'nowhere'
3. Taking up something (according to recent demand of a particular job) in order to find a job easily after you graduate
4. Have to match up to levels of society and others' expectations - if doing the thing you love is considered low-class
5. Too many people are doing the thing you love that if you happen to take it up, you'll just get nowhere (unless you're extraordinary & someone spots you or you're able to beat the rest)
6. You don't see yrself doing the thing you love in the future cos it all seems too "impossible"

And one of those people is me. 2, 3, 5 & 6. Those are my reasons.

From the very beginning, the period where every kid actually has their dreams of what they want to become when you ask them the innocent question..some would say they want to be a pilot, doctor, actor, magician..& the list goes on. When a kid tells you what he/she wants to become in the future, there is true passion in whatever they want. Although their innocent minds are not really prepared for what is expected to be what they want to be, they do know what they love. And that is the ultimate thing.

What is the thing I love doing???

If you had asked me what I had wanted to be in those early days, I would have answered " A musician/singer". I'd always dream about having my own band and rocking the stage just like those singers-cum-musicians you watch in movies like 'Freaky Friday' where they sing their songs and do their thing on electric guitars...

Later, during the early stages in high school, I discovered the art of composing songs. Suddenly, I had myself wondering if it was actually possible to end up a composer.

Then, at the later days of high school when blogging came into the picture, I had an interest in writing and considered taking up mass communication and doing something like journalism.

At the end of high school days and going into college, cameras suddenly seemed like a must to have - we needed to capture lots of memories. That's when the skill of camwhoring came into place. That's also when I wished I could become a model and just pose for pictures all day long.

Guess what? Up till today, I still have those interests. They never changed. I still wish i could end up a musician-singer-composer and prolly be a part time journalist and a part time model. But that just sounds too hectic, so maybe either one of those 3 things would do.

But ha-ha. What am I doing now? I'm studying Bachelor of Commerce, major in Accounting. An accountant??? hell, I never thought about that before!

I guess that's just life. And it is somehow consoling to know that I'm not the only one trapped in this....'thing'. Some others I know either do not know what they want, or they tell me they just HAVE to do it. Like there isnt a choice. But in today's world, I guess there really isnt a choice but to do something that you'd be able to reap benefits from in the future rather than to be doomed doing something you love.

Sooo...the people who actually get to do something they love without having any difficulties..those who're into dentistry, pharmacy, medicine, psychology and all the not-so-impossible, be thankful you're interested in such areas where making it happen would not seem too impossible.

Last One!

2007-07-15T02:51:00.000+09:30

Monday, September 05, 2005
A lil bit about love

"Love is like the wind. You can't see it but you feel it"

Why do relationships have to end when one party has to go abroad then? There are many couples around who face such situations...where one of them goes abroad..& when things like these happen, break ups happen..why? Because of distance? But really, is distance that difficult to endure?

Love doesnt involve body contact alone (i.e hugging, kissin, touchin etc)..In fact, it means much more....care, honesty, loyalty, trust & patience...There are many more but these five traits alone can be the foundation to a strong relationship. Sure, long-distance relationships are tough but ever thought about the outcome?

So why are ppl afraid of long-distance relationships when they havent even tried? Some simply dont bother trying because they think it would not work out or they simply can't go on in a relationship without body contact or seeing the significant other. Well, is this really called love? If a couple is totally in love with each other, nothing would matter at all. Distance wouldnt be a barrier & the need to see or touch isnt necessary at all..

You don't have to be able to feel love physically..what matters more is the feeling of love in the hearts' of two ppl...Love is like the wind. You dont have to see it. You juz have to know it's there & feel it....

and another..

2007-07-15T02:48:00.000+09:30

Monday, August 29, 2005
miki ojisan waiters....animals!!

i must admit, i made the right choice by not giving up the job at that period of time when things were "confusing & difficult" (only some of you know the story & i reckon they are those who have access to this site of mine..if you dont know the story & you're interested to know, let me know & i'll consider tellin). So yes..i can say without a doubt that working has been fun. At times boring, & at times too tiring. At total opposites, really..but it's been a helluva experience. I learnt lotsa stuff, no matter how small it was, i learnt stg. Sometimes, even stupid things. =D

Working has exposed me to ppl...different kinds of ppl with their attitudes..It really showed me how the real world is..Sure, i do know ppl have their attitudes, but i didnt expect some to be so totally bad..Then again, i thank them for acting that way or else i wouldnt have picked up on stg on the way. I've learnt to deal with ppl, & im still learning to be stronger in everything i do or come across..Most of all, i havta thank God for letting me work with a bunch of monkeys as staff. It makes work so much more fun & interesting (this sounds like some kinda award speech..haahah).

Even tho the staff are fun & "interesting" ppl, they are starting to get out of hand. I suppose every good thing turns bad at the end of the day??? I hope it doesnt get any worse tho...! Being the only waitress with waiters around you is b-a-d. Guys always take advantage..*shakes head*. JEEZ..It wasnt bad at first but now...disgusting..!

Animal no.1 has somehow found a way to make himself my "husband", yes, he's the flirty one & gettin a lil more disgusting & bolder than he should be. Animal no.1 was telling me a story from a horror movie today, about a couple happily in love when the jealousy of a third party ends the relationship with murder, so he could take the girl as his bride..& then he asked me if i wanted him to do this to me too..What the heck??!

Animal no.2 is the crazy-ass monkey who talks dirty all day long & pollutes my brain with stupid-silly-foreign-dirty language, teasing me & improvising watever i say to him with the foreign language of his which nobody seems to understand, always giving me a fright with his stupid scares & poking me in the sides giving me electrical body shocks.

Animal no.3 is the one who practises his energy on me, gripping me roughly with his bloody hands, trying to strangle me at times & blowing me away with so-called punches of his juz inches away from my face, i could even feel the wind. & Animal no.3 smeared my face with butter today.. ='(

Animal no.4...well, cant really call him an animal cos he doesnt give me a hard time..but then, he IS an animal too cos all he does is stares & laugh when the other animals go wild..

ahhhhhhhhh.....WORK ABUSE~!! I could juz die of a heart attack..Yes, work is tougher when you not only have to deal with ppl but with animals all day long! But THEN again, i learn stg else while working. =)

Anyone having problems handling their pets? Please consult me.

And More...

2007-07-15T02:43:00.000+09:30

Thursday, July 14, 2005
Single Life

Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it doesn’t.

Why it sucks:

- miss the feeling of being loved
- feel lonely after a period of time
- nobody you can talk to for hours on phone
- cant get to know other ppl's (as in your boyfriend/girlfriend’s) life – depending on individual... cos it IS fun knowin their schedule
- no one to go out, spend time & do cuddly stuff with
- cinemas become a lil uninteresting
- nothing to look fwd to = no date
- have to pay for own expenditure =P (no I never took advantage…& I advise, it is bad to take advantage)
- no gifts from boyfriend/girlfriend which can make use of
- lonely valentine’s day (except if outing with friends)
- always cooped up at home if friends cant make it for outing
- no one to spill your heartfelt thoughts & feelings to
- no one to go crazy over
- no one to miss
- no more buying gifts to express love
- short of someone to care for
- no one to dress up for
- heart beats like normal – no more speeding up
- i could think about a million things…so yeh, I should stop here

Why it does not suck:

- no arguments
- no such thing as getting hurt
- don’t havta follow any ‘rules’
- can do things your own way…err sounds the same as the above
- spend more time with friends & cherish friendship & realize how important friendship is…oh yes, & also have great fun with friends
- don’t havta worry about any future
- don’t havta worry about the ‘end’
- dont havta feel all stupid & silly when cry when listening to sad songs
- no such songs as ‘how do I live’ to sing
- no tears to waste for no reason
- don’t havta feel stupid for small stupid things….
- dont havta feel so frustrated when problems with boyfriend/girlfriend arent solved
- Hmm..sorry for some repetition

Why it sucks = 19 points

Why it does not suck = 13 points

'Why it sucks' wins = get a boyfriend/girlfriend = i want a boyfriend too

Comments:
St@c3Y-J@n3 said...
WOWOW. Very interesting blog Jennifer Joo. Oh well,my advise is, don't look for these kinda things, let them come to u.;-)

Jennifer said...
hahahah..yes i know. Currently tho, am a bit afraid of the other sex. For after a whole lot of experiments, i feel they're nothing but a bunch of jerks. *sorry for insulting but is true* Found out that no matter how nice they are, there's still a bit of a jerk in each & every one of them. So i conclude, it's still better to stay single. But of course, not forever =D hahaha..When one comes to me, then..........i'll think about it

angelachye said...
hmm...i didnt noe wat to think of when i read ur blog..there r obviously good n bad stuff in everything...and i gota agree that no matter how nice guys r, there wil still be a bit of jerk in them...im so tired of guys...single life would be great for now...

felix tung said...
guys are not jerks, they are basically warm and beautiful human beings. they're all cute and cuddly. we are all cute and cuddly. you girls are just plain mean. MEAN !

M@rK said...
I agree with Felix... guys aren't jerks... pls do not overgeneralise... we're usually very nice until ppl annoy us....

Previous Entries 2005

2007-07-15T02:41:00.000+09:30

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
being in love......without realising it?

I was readin this novel about this guy who was at war when he meets this girl & falls in love with her, making life more complicating for him. The girl however, does not want to cross the line of friendship with this guy, trying to prove to herself that they are only friends & will be only that throughout their survival at war. One day tho, this guy almost died & the girl then realised how important he actually was to her…more important than someone who was juz a friend. After that near-death experience, she realised she actually had feelings for him the way he had for her..All the while those feelings were buried deep down inside her that she didn’t know they even existed. She didn’t want to get involved with this guy & so, she never discovered those true feelings she had for him in the first place, till the last minute...

They both lead a happy life after the war ended (if you're wondering).

& so, this story made me wonder about facts of life. How things like this happen too. I bet many ppl out there face things like this. I for one, get confused over friendships (sometimes), wondering if there’re any hidden feelings behind it. I think that guy’s my friend. At the same time, there’s this unusual closeness btw us…which makes me get mixed up about my feelings..

No, I don’t see myself with him as my bf one day….but why are these feelings in the way? Feelings I cant quite read. Feelings i dont understand. Hmm..mine is totally a diff story from the one i read in that novel. lol. Is it? Well, i've had problems in this particular friendship tho. Not understading wat friendship that actually is. hAah..imagine..ME not knowing how to differentiate a friendship & a relationship..well, when it comes to that particular person. & i will say no more. Signing out.

Previous Entries 2005

2007-07-15T02:39:00.000+09:30

Thursday, January 13, 2005
funny, weird....nice day

Three of my friends & i were out at gurney for at least 5 hours today. This outing was planned cos one of my friends was gonna leave for aus this sat to further her studies & so.. it was kinda a goodbye thingy. Anyway, everything was normal, we did wat a normal small group of friends would do, hanging around, eating, chatting & taking pics at the oddest places (even the toilet =D ). It was very fun. You don’t kid around like this with friends everyday y’know….One of my friends had to leave at 8.30pm & so that left the 3 of us.

We hung out at coffee bean for awhile & later, my friend told us she had some free coupon thing to get free tea or whatever at winter warmers. So we shifted there, sat outside, the waiter came & took our order, & since we all weren’t tea drinkers (it was herbal tea stuff), we asked the waiter to recommend us to some nice tea. & he “did”……..It came shortly after, peppermint & some sorta thing mixed with it, with a small cup of honey. Supposed to be for slimming & health (that was the explanation written in the menu!). My friend lifted the cover & took a sniff at it. Smelled peppermint alright..We didn’t really drink it then cos it was hot & we were feeling warm too & mosquitos were starting to bite. So we shifted (again!) inside to the air-conditioned place, with the same waiter helping us.

It was all cosy & cooling inside & we wanted to take a picture. That waiter happned to be there so he helped. He even removed a vase of flowers from the table in front to take our picture!!! We were totally embarrassed enough cos he did so many things for us…! Anyway we started to drink this totally….yucky tea. I haven’t drank anything like it before…If I drink tea, it’s either chinese or green tea….We were totally struggling to finish off that pot of free tea, adding as much honey as possible to the drink, thinking the honey would make the tea taste better..But it only tasted like toothpaste..Seriously! I was tryin to figure out what kinda familiar taste that was when my friend answered it for me….toothpaste.Lol. We were drinking tea that tasted disgustingly like toothpaste. We tried not to complain tho, as it was free….

FINALLY, we managed to finish that particular pot. Juz mins after..more like secs, one waiter came to our table holding another pot of tea. We juz stared at it blankly not knowin what was happening when he told us the..uh…..horrible but also…..nice (I should think) news. He was explaining about the tea he was about to serve us & explained that the earlier waiter (the one who helped & made us embarrass) treated us to it!!! We were so……….We juz started laughin. We were more embarrassed & bewildered! There we were struggling to finish up that pot & we get another! Luckily tho, this was much better, didn’t taste like toothpaste at all, but we struggled anyway.. & by the time we were done, man..my stomach was bloated with tea..When I got home I used the toilet right away. AHaha…

Anyway, after we were done drinking the 2nd pot, we went over to thank that guy, think his name’s Sean, (when that waiter who served mentioned stg like “sean treated”) & he was lost for words too when my friend asked wat brought him to do that. HAahah…the other friend of mine had to chip in to help him & not make him feel so embarrassed. Lol..wat an experience. We felt totally honoured =D Still don’t know what made him treat us to another pot of tea!!!! When I brushed my teeth earlier, I tasted the toothpaste tea we drank earlier…….Oh no….I’m gonna havta taste it every morn & nite….???!!!! HELP ME!! erk.....

Previous Entries 2004

2007-07-15T02:30:00.000+09:30

Sunday, December 26, 2004
Once in a Lifetime Thing!!

This morn when I woke up, & since I was blur having juz woken up, I thought stg was wrong with me. Before I knew it, my mom rushed outta her room & asked if we felt a tremor. Then it hit me! It was actually a tremor. Earthquake in Indonesia with an 8.9 richter scale(watchin CNN). The tremor went on for awhile & then it stopped.

I heard from my grandmother the story when she was at church this morn too. The tremor was so bad there that everyone felt dizzy! Mass paused for awhile & ppl even rushed out of the church for fear that the building might collapse. We were on the way to PSC for lunch when I heard this story from my grandmother. I thought, so that was it. Little did I know what was gonna happen later.

We were having lunch at the snake temple, a place situated near the sea. I was so into my food that I didn’t notice anything at all till my bro commented about the white caps in the distance. I glanced up & strained my eyes (short sighted) to see if they were actually white caps or juz boats in the distance.

My dad comfirmed that they were white caps. A stretch of em, very far away but drawing nearer & increasing in number! Waves started to form…& I mean big ones. I didn’t really pay attention to it as it was quite far away & resumed my meal. My dad then asked us to shift over to another table as we were sittin at one the nearest to the sea. Without lookin up from my food , I commented saying he was exaggerating again, like always. But then, when I looked up after that…I was shocked to see a wave coming our way…

All of us moved away as the huge wave splashed over the rocks below, sending a huge spray of water up, wetting the table we were sittin on earlier! Everyone there was lookin out over the railing, gawking at wat they were seeing. The waves became bigger & more waves rushed in, & soon, the calm sea looked like an angry ocean. Water swept all around us as everybody fled outta that place.It was something I have never seen. The water rushed up, totally covering the beach, making it look like all of us were in the middle of some club which was situated in the middle of the sea!!!

The fence which separated the club from the public beach was washed down, flat on the ground (at that time it couldn’t even be seen as the water rushed in & swallowed everything) & the grill broke. Yes. Strong grills….The playground nearby was wrecked & water rushed up till the stairs leading to the level where we were at..I couldn’t see land at all…! It was a waste I didn’t have a video or camera with me..& this is stg which rarely happens & it was happening in front of my eyes! After a while tho, it subsided & the sea went back to normal. Calm & peaceful in a sunny & cloudless Sunday afternoon.....like ntg even happened in the first place! It went as sudden as it came.

We went down to check out the gym which was situated near the playground area but was indoors, of cos. Walked down the stairs……..& I saw water. Water all over. It covered till up to the final flight of stairs leading to the gym. As in the whole gym was flooded!! The water might have seeped in or broken the gym glass from the outside earlier…or else I don’t think it would have gotten THIS bad. Man….it really reminded me of “ Day after Tomorrow”…..

As I was making my way up, I heard a thundering sound. I rushed out juz in time to see another very huge wave…The force of the wave smashed the wooden fence & sent several beach chairs flying into the swimming pool!!! This 2nd one was so much worse than the first one! Nobody expected that to happen!! When the sea was so calm already….! It came as a huge shock….The club’s siren came on all of a sudden & blared in my ears. It was so frightening!! When this wave finally subsided, the whole pool was a mess. It was so murky & chairs were floating in it, some even broken!! Tree trunks which the waves brought in were also in the pool. It was such an ugly sight.

When we made sure the sea was totally calm already, my dad, bro & I made our way to the carpark thru inside the club, instead of walkin to the carpark thru the roadside while my mom & grandmother went up to the reception which was on higher ground. We wanted to check out stuff & man….It was only then that I realized how much damage the whole wave made.

The whole walkway leading to the carpark, (which was actually not that close from the beach but situated juz near it overlooking the sea) was totally wet. The floors were all wet & the tiles on the roof even broke!!!!!! We went on to the sailing section….& man…It was totally….The store which was used to keep water sports equipment was all wrecked!! & boats seemed to be scattered everywhere!! Canoes were broken into half. yes..It was stg I have never seen in my entire life & there it was. Right before my eyes….Like some hurricane juz landed or stg….& the whole place was covered with sand!! Like it was another beach!

It was in a terrible state, the whole place. Those chairs & tables also broke. Those made out of stone. STONE. Could you imagine that??! Ok well, not exactly stone, im not sure wat its made of…but y’know those chairs & tables by the beach kinda thing…with the umbrellas over it kind…yeh. THOSE were all broken leaving juz the remains of it…It was terrible!! Never in my wildest dreams have I thought I would witness this kinda stuff…It was like stg you usually watch on TV! But here it was all right in front of me. It was exciting but scary….I heard so many ambulances rushing up to the batu feringghi area…I guess many ppl got hurt up there…where all the beach hotels are…..

Anyways, my dad went to get the car & my bro & I stood watchin at the carpark, a good view of the sea..Suddenly we saw yet another one. White caps coming with huge waves – again. This time in a diff direction. It headed to those houses by the beach….tg bungah area…What happened there…….i seriously don’t know……But lookin at how the waves totally covered up the beach from a far distance…it wasn’t good news..

When we were having lunch earlier, when it all juz started to happen, there were 3 boats out in sea. Those fisherman boats…When the waves came, I saw one of the boats sailing away from it..But then it stopped behind an island(the island was nearby)..a distance away from when the white caps came. I guess that fella stopped to watch it all….& like all of us, never thought the waves would come in so fast…..When he saw the waves getting bigger, I could see him – or whoever that was in the boat – trying to sail away as fast as he can…The next thing I knew tho……..Well, I saw with my very own eyes…the boat capsized. It got swept under the sea & totally disappeared. In a blink of an eye. I never ever saw that boat again. It didn’t bop up at all. Juz went under. Totally. Forever. Juz like that…I felt so shaken up & shocked juz watchin this. It was like an action movie playing before me. I felt the terror of that fisherman…Imagine yourself being thrown into the sea & swept away never being able to come up for air or to see the world again……

This whole incident reminded me of how short life is…Lil kids might be playing in the sand under a beautiful Sunday afternoon..& suddenly the waves come & juz sweep em away…….…How sad could it be..? I heard many kids died up at batu ferringhi. I heard more stories after tho…when my friend smsed me & told me they were at gurney..tryin to see if another wave would come. & indeed it did…..

My mom also called the club a few mins after we got home. It seemed the situation got worse than when we left..Everyone was asked to vacate the club!! Whew….When I was in the midst of it all, sure I was excited, but I was scared too. Scared for the ppl who were in those places where it was all happening..Indo, Phuket, Sri Lanka & I don’t know how many other places..If a small wave like that could cause havoc already…how about those ppl there? Man…I felt their fear……Well, it wasn’t a small wave..But compared to those places, it IS small…It was totally like a tidal wave. It was one actually….Juz the not-so-big ones…..well, big enough to wreck half the club!!!!

Today was stg I never dreamt about. It came all of a sudden, under a cloudless blue sky & peaceful, calm sea…It was like a perfect Sunday kinda thing..No wind at all. It wasnt cloudy..NOTHING. Who ever thought such a thing would happen?! If you were at home not knowing nethin, you’d be thinking the world was such a safe place to live in……..Appreciate what you have. Your life, your friends, your family. All your loved ones…Cos life is definitely short….

Previous Entries

2007-07-14T17:13:00.000+09:30

Before I closed off the first and original blogspot I had, I couldnt help it but to read whatever I had posted so far right from when I started. Obviously, there were different patterns of writing, the first few entries (and most of them) having not-so-mature thoughts. I actually came across some interesting entries which contained things I had almost forgotten about, but clearly remembered them once I read thru them. I felt it such a waste to delete the entire blog without saving the special, interesting ones which had memorable, rare occasions. Thus, decided to post them here; original entries I wrote, non-edited - so don't laugh if it actually does sound childish =P

About the "author"...(more like blogger)

2007-07-14T13:05:00.000+09:30

I used to blog and even owned two blogs. One on blogspot, the other on xanga. How ambitious of me but it seems those two blogs have been shut down now. The blogging spirit seems to come and go; it feels as tho there is a blogging season - maybe only occuring to me? That's how I started off with xanga anyway. I had the enthusiasm to blog again, having new thoughts in my mind and wanting to put them down into words since I've stopped writing diaries since before I entered college...and besides the fact that the original blogspot I first started off with was filled with depressing, sad, I-only-write-to-release-emotions entries. Well, not the WHOLE blog filled with that, but most of them were I guess.

But guess what? Not long after I owned xanga and started blogging, the blogging spirit died down. I have only got 6 entries in xanga. So much for being ambitious. After that, I stopped blogging altogether. Well, maybe continued a bit at the blogspot one whenever I felt like it. But I've stopped blogging since September 2006. And THAT is a very long time. Almost a year now.

But hooray! Here I am once again, with the blogging season underway. New thoughts forming in my mind, mature ones this time. SO before they threaten to escape my mind, I simply have to put it down into words. Yes, the blogging spirit is in full force. But something tells me it'll fade away, just like it did with xanga. But ah well, I will not shut down this blog like I did those two, cos it'll be a better blog, with more mature thoughts and a more sophisticated level of english. Lol.

Even if the blogging spirit I have now were to die away (I know this will happen once uni begins, cos then I wont have time to think so much thus, less thoughts to pen down) there's still this blog waiting for me whenever the blogging season returns. Yes, the/my blogging spirit fluctuates...just like the economy does.

Have fun you readers (if there are even any). And when I do investigate and come across any of you who were to read my blog halfway and close the window/doze off/cbb continueing to read and settling for doing stg else instead, I will SUE you. Either come to this page to read, or don't come at all. Blogging takes a lot of time and thought and hard work you know... Give me a little credit. But who am I to say all those when I'm wasting my own time and thought and hard work here??

Lol. Ok, better run before I launch into crap-mode.

PS. I will be watching you........... (searches for a wriggling-eyebrow emoticon but realizes there aren't any emoticons available)

Welcome To My Life!

EXHAUSTED!!!

FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!

something is WRONG

hmmm.... =)

AHHHhhhhh....!!!!

"twisters"

friends

lalalaaaa.....

counting the days

Kuda Gila

woop woop!

weird parents...

WYD

woooooooops!!

FINALLY!

=(

.....

=|

my new hobby

scraping & recycling

.......!!!!!!

bye-bye alarm clock!

YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

time....so precious yet wasted.

THE day!

meh.

hahaha!!

OMG!!!!!!

bang bang boom!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

forces of nature

..............

oooookayy....!

the big red question mark

this is it.

...wow.

It's a SATURDAY night...!!

just a lil question.

the 11 guymandments.

sigh.

fantastic-fab day!!!

oh, hurry up & set me free!!!

that's what you get for helping ppl out!! =D

EWWWWW!!

ARGH!

I Want That Guy

DECISIONS!!!!

to the soft-hearted

......

hah.

Contradiction.

WOooooSAaaaA...........

Thank You God for Everything!!

blessings.....that lead to a dilemma??

swollen eyes..a heavy heart....but nothing can bring him back......

Life is short and unpredictable.....

yahooooo..!!!

My whipped-up theory

cryin my lil heart out..

Random

stressed & feeling down-der than down.

Bad bad day......

Amadeus Pt.1

"The Monday-Meal"

NEVER EVER..

Some guyyss...*sigh*

Changed...

....shit.

Amazed...

JOY!

Types of GIrLs

Dream BIG!

Last One!

and another..

And More...

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Some guyyss...sigh